tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-157581402024-03-07T11:01:01.518-05:00Reflections"Everyone is trying to accomplish something big, not realizing that life is made up of little things."Jessica A. Walshhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08813007842584063423noreply@blogger.comBlogger325125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15758140.post-31138987136771904972014-01-01T10:46:00.001-05:002014-01-01T11:09:36.777-05:002013: A Year in Review and Looking AheadAnother year, gone. As tradition dictates since 2009 it is once again time to reflect on the previous year; to stop and take stock for both the purpose of remembering, and for the purpose of planning. <br />
<br />
2013 was a tough, tough year. Of course, it had some very high notes, for which I am tremendously grateful! But as a whole, it was stressful and emotional to an alarming degree. I fear that perhaps maybe I did take on a bit too much this year (although I vehemently denied it all year). Or perhaps the constant effort of quitting smoking affected my moods and chemical make-up coupled with what were maybe normal stresses? Perhaps this year I have been suffering from depression...? I honestly and truly don't know. But considering I gained 20 pounds this past year even though I worked out more than ever and didn't change my eating habits (<i>that much </i>- I <i>have</i> been quitting smoking and probably stress eating) I can't help but believe that my body was in a fairly constant state of fight or flight and storing fat and energy as if it were under attack. I have been stressed all year, from beginning to end and for various reasons, and coming off of a stressful 2012 as well.<br />
<br />
I think it was just too much (two promotions at work, weddings, school, responsibilities to my writing group) and I'm only realizing this all now. Now that the semester is over and the holidays are over and I'm finding myself with a wee break (with the exception of one more deadline), I'm noticing that I've just been constantly adjusting to everything I "had" to do, and really hanging on by a thread. I accomplished everything (and to my usual high standard), but I fear that I did so at the expense of my well being. There was just nothing left at the end of the day. <br />
<br />
I am seriously hoping that is why I have been crying and feeling depressed nearly every single day. For some reason, especially the past few months, I am feeling too much and thinking too much. So much so that I started talking to someone about it in September. Something isn't right. And I don't like the person I was this past year. <br />
<br />
I can't keep living like this. It would be impossible to look back on 2013 without acknowledging all of this, as it was the near-constant shadow cast over the year, and without planning some sort of defense for the coming year. I can only hope that everything I have been feeling is some basket weave of stress and quitting smoking that will loosen its grip on my mind and body. <br />
<br />
Which is why I am acknowledging that here now and practicing identifying these feelings, sending them love and gratitude, and then sending them on their way.<br />
<br />
I quit smoking, finally, in 2013. As of today, I am cigarette free 30 days! For whatever weight I've gained and whatever emotional turbulence I have put myself through as a result of quitting and failing over and over and withdrawal from cigarettes, I am grateful because I feel free. Year after year after year I have tried and failed to quit smoking and finally, FINALLY, I don't have to quit smoking today or write those words on the top of my resolutions list. For all of this, I am so grateful. <br />
<br />
Later this month I will begin my final semester at Saint Joseph's University! It has NOT been easy, but in May I will don a cap and gown and FINALLY get my elusive Bachelors Degree with all manner of pomp and circumstance and I will have achieved a major accomplishment. For all the stress, late nights, early mornings and deadlines, I am so grateful. I am a smarter, more confident woman because of my education and I am proud of myself for my stellar grades. <br />
<br />
I had the honor, as Matron of Honor, to stand beside my best friend Jess on her wedding day this past June. The Bridal Shower was wonderful, if I do say so myself, the bachelorette party an absolute blast and the wedding was beautiful. Most beautiful of all was the Bride. I was so happy to be a part of it all. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIntOE5_22bp2ujY9WdTz2i4ljyrZIADl5nkH_u87EBkoqZc3kps2100lMX1O3qDMOnAUDg7EEjxN68umnhDlZxyVLHt1OMAVFdHG5EmxMmz2USDJgjqnZeU6TbpJvat_kF9MD8Q/s1600/Jess'+for+blog+post.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIntOE5_22bp2ujY9WdTz2i4ljyrZIADl5nkH_u87EBkoqZc3kps2100lMX1O3qDMOnAUDg7EEjxN68umnhDlZxyVLHt1OMAVFdHG5EmxMmz2USDJgjqnZeU6TbpJvat_kF9MD8Q/s320/Jess'+for+blog+post.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #444444;">The Bride and Matron of Honor at the Shower</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
As for travel and leisure, our annual week-long vacation with the Cape May Crew became a long weekend instead. It was super fun, as always, however we did not take our annual photo in front of Kelly's Pub unfortunately. As best as we try to keep traditions, sometimes they're just not possible... the photo that should be here below this paragraph is missed. <br />
<br />
Speaking of traditions, we did maintain our Oktoberfest tradition and breathed some fresh life into it adding a new game and some new faces (but more on that in a moment). It was a great time, or so I'm told since I blacked out pretty early (woops). I'm told I was a hoot and a great host so thank goodness for that. <br />
<br />
In August I went out to Washington (the second time in 8 months) for a 3rd big brother/little sister adventure (the last before Doug sets out with Kristin on their round the world bicycle tour). We headed out to Doug's favorite part of Washington, the Cascade Mountains, Methow Valley and Winthrop. We spent a couple days just hanging out, hiking, and riding bikes in Stehekin, a community nestled in the North Cascades only accessible by boat, plane, or foot. It was a wonderful experience for a city gal like me and one I will never forget. Not only did I get to experience nature and the beautiful views and a few days of unplugged living, but the time spent with my brother was so wonderful. Drinking coffee and talking for hours in the lodge after a morning of hiking, reading together at the bakery, playing a game at night enjoying a few beers, reading each other's stories... all with the most amazing backdrop imaginable. It was a wonderful trip. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw-_jpjTrp1TeRXDB0EhBBdz_hVGr61R8G8ZeBvXc3vtLm6nvM2SDI8wPgvUXpOqSlcXApRk6wTfYEqJioJzLpP1i0XjqHI2od2ceOV1R0dyTCacQaY3Hw_24qSYcgQVHuUQT6Tg/s1600/doug+and+jess+for+blogpost.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw-_jpjTrp1TeRXDB0EhBBdz_hVGr61R8G8ZeBvXc3vtLm6nvM2SDI8wPgvUXpOqSlcXApRk6wTfYEqJioJzLpP1i0XjqHI2od2ceOV1R0dyTCacQaY3Hw_24qSYcgQVHuUQT6Tg/s320/doug+and+jess+for+blogpost.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #444444;">Hanging out near Agnes Gorge</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
Crossing off item #59 on my <a href="http://criscipline.blogspot.com/2010_04_01_archive.html">bucket list</a>, I finally saw Pearl Jam. It was a great show and wonderful to see them after being a fan for twenty years.<br />
<br />
For all that we gained, we also suffered some losses. Mike lost his job in the fall and was unemployed for four weeks. He's back to work now, but not happy so we'll see what the New Year brings. We also lost two very special people, Mike's Grandma Stephanie and our good friend's dad, Mr. Kobryn. They will both be missed. <br />
<br />
But when God closes doors, he opens windows and he opened a big one, one that let in a tremendous amount of light, in August when I met April, and Mike and I gained an entire family into our lives who live just a few doors down. <br />
<br />
I was out walking one day when a woman I had waved to countless times since we moved here said that if I ever wanted someone to go walking with that she would like to go. I said sure and right then we set up a date and time to walk. I didn't even know her name. I met her in front of her house a few days later and we introduced ourselves and that was it - we were very fast friends. We started walking regularly then a few weeks later we had the family over and Mike and April's husband Joe hit it off splendidly and their kids, Joey and Angelina, are so wonderful and sweet. It's been amazing and we are so happy to have made such wonderful friends.<br />
<br />
We took in the New Year with our new friends and it was great. It's funny how sometimes you have no idea what's missing until you find it and then you have no idea how you got by all this time without it. I guess everything happens for a reason. The universe works... and somehow always knows the perfect time to step in. <br />
<br />
So that's 2013 in a nutshell. One last highlight; I wrote more in 2013 than I have in years (and I don't mean for school). That's something I really want to continue focusing on in 2014. I am realizing just how good it is for me, mentally, to get things out of me. I may even get to see two of my stories in print... but more on that in a later post. <br />
<br />
My number one first and foremost goal for 2014 is quite simple but very hard: I want to be kinder to myself (and by extension to Mike and my Mom). I was not kind to myself in 2013. Maybe that's another reason I have been so sad... But that is going to change.<br />
<br />
There are so many other more specific goals I could write about, but I realize now that they all fall under being kinder to myself. Allowing myself to do the things I have been wanting to do (like taking surfing lessons this summer), taking my weight off in a loving way, rather than starving myself and winding up being resentful, giving myself permission to say no more often, making meditation more of a priority as a gift to myself, being a better wife, a better daughter... all these things will come if I can just be kinder to myself. And I started today. After taking several hours to write all of this down for myself, I already feel better. I'm learning what works for me. A lot of people say it's best to keep your eyes forward, but as the name of this blog indicates, I think reflection is critical in order to move ahead. We need to know where we've been in order to plan for where we're going...<br />
<br />
...and I'm moving forward in 2014. <br />
<br />
Happy New Year! Jessica A. Walshhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08813007842584063423noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15758140.post-12736787742408327572012-12-31T14:34:00.000-05:002014-01-01T11:11:07.338-05:002012: A Year in ReviewAnd yet another year, Gone. <br />
<br />
Keeping with tradition, it is time to reflect back on the closing year in order to remind myself of all that's happened and what I have done and achieved. I love New Year's. I have no use for rubbing shoulders with strangers anymore or fighting for a drink. In fact, this year Mike and I will again stay home with a wonderful spread of snacks and a lovely seafood and risotto dinner, as well as some good beer and wine. <br />
<br />
What I truly love about the new year is the fresh start. For the first time in three months I feel rested and refreshed. The social calendar has slowed and it's the perfect time to refocus my energy on the goals I was not able to achieve this past year, and really focus on what I want 2013 to be like. <br />
<br />
After reviewing 2011's Year in Review post I see that 2011 and 2012 were very different, whereas 2011 was a year of planning and new challenges and ventures, and 2012 was largely a year of execution and settling in and adjusting to those new ventures. <br />
<br />
I started school in January at Saint Joseph's University. I would say that the majority of my stress this past year has stemmed from school in one form or another. But I am extremely proud of wrapping up my first year with a 4.0, which will surely only add increased pressure and stress this coming year. Yet I have decided I like the ring 4.0 has to it so I will continue to try my very best to maintain it. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisRUbrGA-86sgbkD_ntQ44x0uMF5Yw6dbf3GmgoXFB8Gb-fcJ2UN3Bbff2kFXW8DI0mffhLMpRcUae1UDY3ZrQh80-C8Saxfw7PVXublIu3bKAIpv4EyItPPyxS_8XfthHHpaViw/s1600/saint+joes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisRUbrGA-86sgbkD_ntQ44x0uMF5Yw6dbf3GmgoXFB8Gb-fcJ2UN3Bbff2kFXW8DI0mffhLMpRcUae1UDY3ZrQh80-C8Saxfw7PVXublIu3bKAIpv4EyItPPyxS_8XfthHHpaViw/s320/saint+joes.jpg" /></a></div><br />
I managed to start the year out right with a five-mile race on New Year's Day. Although I did not achieve a single one of my 2012 resolutions, I have achieved, <i>finally</i>, consistent exercise. After years of practice, I consistently kept active throughout the year with only brief and sporadic periods of inactivity. That's a huge accomplishment, and now simply part of the routine. I also ran Broad Street again, a 10-mile race in Philly, this past May in honor of my 30th birthday. I finished in 1:55:37, shaving a whopping 17 minutes off my time from 2010. <br />
<br />
Speaking of my birthday, I turned 30 in style with a Big Birthday BBQ Bash that Mike and I threw at home. It was a blast and I avoided feeling all of the 'boo-hoo I'm 30' nonsense. <a href="http://criscipline.blogspot.com/2012/05/on-turning-30.html">I reflected on turning the big 3-0 here</a>. <br />
<br />
In August, I decided to do something I have always wanted to and signed up for private one-on-one swim lessons. I love swimming so much and I certainly have a knack for it, I've discovered. It is now one of my favorite things to do and I look forward to building up my endurance in 2013. <br />
<br />
As for travel and leisure, this year I was fortunate enough to take three vacations, which is totally awesome! In July, Mike and I went to Cape May again with our usual crew for our 4th Annual week in Cape May. The house we rented was huge and had decks and porches everywhere, the weather was great and we had an awesome pool again conducive to hours of pool volleyball. Overall, it was extremely relaxing and we had a great time. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxEnkjYxjHZNx7SmErGBrhkVVWNaf0fViKWBngVWg1ryPdsbBZnApP0CA07X7AXEpAIMAYD_FuT_8lMcNXTS4oGo-ZFlKJ0-VPFBmIMBFEs6wH7f6XbIIgpPCLYF7_LQC7QnbJIg/s1600/kellys_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="240" width="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxEnkjYxjHZNx7SmErGBrhkVVWNaf0fViKWBngVWg1ryPdsbBZnApP0CA07X7AXEpAIMAYD_FuT_8lMcNXTS4oGo-ZFlKJ0-VPFBmIMBFEs6wH7f6XbIIgpPCLYF7_LQC7QnbJIg/s320/kellys_n.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Labor Day Weekend, I took my Mom out to Colorado to see my brother, Joey. I had never been out there so that was really cool. It was great getting to see Joe and where he lives. We hung out in Louisville, Boulder, and Longmont hitting up five breweries (Lililkoi Kepolo at Avery is still the best beer I have ever had) and countless bars. We went hiking and also drove up the highest paved road in N. America, Mount Evans Road, to 14,240 feet. The temperature was in the 80's when we set out and in the 20's at the summit. It was freezing and the drive up was terrifying thanks to my fear of heights and lack of shoulder and guard rails. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY2wy5-xjG3T82BJt_FpVb8EcIOZS8ewSN6-__b2DsaiEvfJxTjRPGoAZitNUg_vAqfPXe48EwU3Kj56H8UGi8qrNUq3mn15EO10Tum4WxdwluQDdiu_DembIJHMVPSE5mgk1J_A/s1600/evansn.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="240" width="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY2wy5-xjG3T82BJt_FpVb8EcIOZS8ewSN6-__b2DsaiEvfJxTjRPGoAZitNUg_vAqfPXe48EwU3Kj56H8UGi8qrNUq3mn15EO10Tum4WxdwluQDdiu_DembIJHMVPSE5mgk1J_A/s320/evansn.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Lastly, Mike and I got to spend Christmas in Washington state with my brother, Doug, and sister-in-law, Kristin. What an incredible way to wrap up the year! We truly had an awesome time and made so many memories and got to have so many new experiences. We went to a Seahawks game (it really is as loud as they say it is), ate Moroccan food on Christmas Eve, went snow tubing on Christmas, spent time in Seattle and just laughed our heads off and got to catch up and talk. A lot. I always take away so much more than memories from my visits with Doug and Kristin and my trips out to the Pacific Northwest. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy_VDA8NUhMAzBnIJBKfuVNsum8ws1hOi22ohuWGdSwFcEaKkL8UeSw5_LZ5k4uU7yYF2GrCEIcelCeYkc8o2_dIPkiWq1YlBCaqNJRd35LptA1dvoQHX1m9DEFvlhqtIflEZiIw/s1600/tubing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="240" width="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy_VDA8NUhMAzBnIJBKfuVNsum8ws1hOi22ohuWGdSwFcEaKkL8UeSw5_LZ5k4uU7yYF2GrCEIcelCeYkc8o2_dIPkiWq1YlBCaqNJRd35LptA1dvoQHX1m9DEFvlhqtIflEZiIw/s320/tubing.jpg" /></a></div><br />
The only major change we experienced this year was an incredible blessing. Mike started a new job after eight years of being with the same company and becoming increasingly unhappy. For the first time since I have known Mike, he is off weekends. This is a total game-changer and the entire quality of our marriage has improved and best of all, he is a happier man, which makes everyone around him happier. <br />
<br />
This past year we also maintained our Oktoberfest tradition despite an extremely busy fall. As we and our friends all get older I think it is increasingly important that we maintain these traditions because it would be all too easy not to see one another without events that bring us all together. We are happy to do our part and provide another reason to come together. <br />
<br />
This past November we saw two of our dearest friends, Roman and Danielle, tie the knot. Mike was overjoyed to be named Best Man and I was thrilled to be a bridesmaid. The wedding provided many festivities including a fabulous bridal shower in July, bachelor and bachelorette parties in the fall, all leading up to truly fantastic wedding, which included a weekend in a beautiful hotel with many great friends. Overall, their nuptials were great cause for celebration; a whole lot of it, and we are thrilled for them. <br />
<br />
Also this past November, Mike and I hosted our very first Thanksgiving and I loved every second of it, particularly the planning and prep. It was a huge success - the house looked gorgeous, the tablescape was stunning and the food was delicious. I very much hope to do it again next year. Thanksgiving, a holiday I didn't care much for, is now possibly my favorite. I guess as long as I can do it my way. ;-) <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYs6mcuFEmKiQ-103Xvd9GZl_oKCrIzEi33bVhZE049QynpWMsqUAzptfuMf0JeN8lPKhyNA4dsiv6NUXEhaADXJ7F_WKz4jsxjIDn5evw0lFECjIICcV792562pb3q9_IEGKynQ/s1600/thxsgiving_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYs6mcuFEmKiQ-103Xvd9GZl_oKCrIzEi33bVhZE049QynpWMsqUAzptfuMf0JeN8lPKhyNA4dsiv6NUXEhaADXJ7F_WKz4jsxjIDn5evw0lFECjIICcV792562pb3q9_IEGKynQ/s320/thxsgiving_n.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Overall, 2012 was great. After all, we had one another, a roof over our heads, pillows under them, food in our bellies, and our family, friends and Cooper. Life has been good to us and we are fortunate enough to do many things. <br />
<br />
I wish all of my friends and loved ones a wonderful 2013 free from pain and full of love, accomplishments, and good fortune. Cheers. <br />
<br />
And now for those resolutions... <br />
<br />
<br />
Jessica A. Walshhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08813007842584063423noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15758140.post-92122284613455373702012-05-23T18:08:00.002-04:002014-01-01T11:11:45.145-05:00On Turning 30.......Today is the eve of my 30th birthday and I’d like to take a moment to reflect on what this means to me, and how I am feeling as I achieve this milestone. The past several years have been really excellent, my 29th year being no exception as I hit the trifecta of new home, job and school. I’ve been running a lot more races and weigh less today than I have throughout the past 3-4 years. I am faster and more active than I have ever been in my adult life and although I have been thinner, I don’t think I’ve ever been healthier. I feel good and I am quite pleased with where I am at this point in my life.<br />
<br />
This week I have been burdened by homework and have had little time for self-reflection, yet fortunately my work has necessitated reflection. I have been learning Aristotle’s Nicomachean Ethics; what he believes happiness is and what it takes to achieve it. One of my tasks was to write about what I believe happiness is. This lead me to contemplate how I define happiness, whether or not I am happy, and how I may be happier in my 30th year.<br />
<br />
I am pleased to say that my happiness has increased consistently over the past several years. I believe this comes with age and experience and having an understanding of what makes us happy. I pro-actively seek pleasure, work to improve myself, and my life, to be happier, and to avoid that which does not bring me happiness. Aristotle believes happiness comes with maturity and I agree. I have learned so much about others, life, and most importantly, myself. With this knowledge I feel armed to make better choices and to ultimately live a better life, resulting in a level of happiness.<br />
<br />
I often question what the point of living is if you’re not working toward something. I believe it is important we strive for self-actualization although there is no way of ever achieving it. There are a great many things I will continue to work toward this year (my degree, running faster, losing more weight, being a more patient person, improving my home and finances) and there are many improvements to be made (you’re 30 now – STOP SMOKING FOR GOOD ALREADY!). But it is so much easier to do these things feeling that I am not “behind”. I am not overwhelmed by what I want to do because I am always aware of where I’ve been, where I am, and where I am headed.<br />
<br />
Ten years ago I felt hopeless, depressed; I was a failure and only valued myself as others valued, or didn’t, value me. I was lost; not good for anything.<br />
<br />
Today I am a strong, intelligent, independent woman. I am a good wife to a wonderful man, a great mom (to the most perfect dog in the world), a good daughter and sister, good friend, and a contributing member to society.<br />
<br />
In the future I seek to be great.<br />
<br />
I am excited about beginning the next chapter of my life. There is a little trepidation in the big 3-0 though, I must admit. Although I have been an adult for several years, now it just seems so much more “official”. Don’t get me wrong - I still plan to call my mother in tears when I’m upset, but there’s something about “30” that says we need to get our retirement plans in order, and get annual physicals and start being really vigilant about our health. The biological clock is also out of the closet. It’s not on the nightstand yet, but it’s in the room. And although this brings me great sadness to think and write, it is also time to really stop taking people for granted, like my Mom for example, because you just never know how much time you have. <br />
<br />
But enough of that. 30 is also just another number. This Saturday I will celebrate 30 right with a big bash amongst my parents and friends. I will kick things off with awesome over-indulgence and memory-making. The scene of the first page of the next chapter will be my backyard and the main character of the story will be 30 and drunk. I couldn’t ask for a better beginning and I can’t wait to see what she does next. <br />
<br />
Stay tuned.<br />
Jessica A. Walshhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08813007842584063423noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15758140.post-34690753579163896522012-01-08T21:42:00.004-05:002012-01-08T22:25:17.080-05:00Wide OpenThis is not a post about football. But this afternoon the NY Giants advanced to the second round of the Playoffs and this post is being carefully typed letter by painfully slow letter because I am beyond drunk. But I have something to say, despite all the back spacing. <br /><br />This afternoon I met a genuinely kind man. I am a skeptical girl from New Jersey so I was not surprised to hear he was from Indianapolis. Hate me or not, kind people are few and far between in New Jersey. After he walked away another guy picked up on the conversation and initiated football chat. I say with full confidence I knew what I was talking about. As he walked away he commented to his friend that talking to me wanted to make him blow his brains out.<br /><br />He was an incognito Falcons fan. I wanted to start some shit.<br /><br />It took all my energy to not tell him it was time to blow his brains out after the humiliating blow we gave the Falcons.<br /><br />This post is not about football. Seriously. I told my husband, Mike, about the awesome Indianapolis fan, and our friend Beater (Jay) visiting from PA. We bumped into him again and he invited us to a party for the Steelers game happening a mere 30 minutes later. We got his name, a vague address, somewhat familiar, and that was it.<br /><br />I asked my husband if we could please go to the party and not surprisingly, he said no. So naturally, I started fighting for what I wanted, thinking that I know what is best for us.<br /><br />For example, In Aruba, on our honeymoon I knew we should we leave the resort and see the country. Mike hmmmed and hawwwed and we had one argument on our honeymoon. He didn't want to leave the comforts of our resort and I didn't fly all that way to not leave the comforts of our resort. I was determined to go with or without him and eventually he gave in and thanked me for the best day of our honeymoon; adventure day. <br /><br />Today was adventure day. In a bar less than a half mile from our house I convinced Mike that today is an impromptu adventure day. How often in New Jersey, of ALL PLACES, will you meet someone that obviously felt some sort of connection and welcomed you into their personal world, by inviting you to a party. <br /><br />I want to travel. Reading more and more books about travel and humanity I realize you need to accept the kindness of strangers and believe there is good in this world. We are raised to be skeptics; I hate it. I so desperately want to break this barrier down and what better way than to do it with a man from Indianapolis, Peyton country for crying out loud! I fought for what I wanted. I wanted to prove a point that strangers can be kind and welcoming.<br /><br />Drunkenly, I petitioned Mike and Beater to trust me. I swore no sicko could take all three of us on and that if the party was a bust we could leave. Immediately.<br /><br />As we looked for the house we could not find the cross street and my heart sank. Was I really given a fake address? I refused to accept it so we went back again and when I saw the cross street I had a renewed faith in humanity.<br /><br />Long story short, we had a spectacular time! We made new friends a mere mile from home, had a hundred laughs, and experienced trust in strangers. Numbers were exchanged, friends were made, and most importantly I haven't lost faith in strangers. I showed Mike that strangers aren't necessarily bad. We were welcomed into the home of a friend of a guy we met a bar mere hours earlier. We proved the stereotypes wrong - we had a blast and laughed until we cried. <br /><br />This is the heart of being wide open.Jessica A. Walshhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08813007842584063423noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15758140.post-43239365934560267302011-12-29T10:57:00.018-05:002014-01-01T11:13:11.032-05:002011: A Year in ReviewAnother year, gone. <br />
<br />
As I reflect back on 2011, I am forced to put my humility aside and declare that yes, 2011 was truly a banner year; one to be immensely proud of. <br />
<br />
The year started slow and stressful with Mike and I immersed in the housing market coming off our wedding in late 2010. In the Spring I applied to school and began searching for a new job, ready to move on from my current position after 7 years. We found a house and began making preparations then things moved at lightning speed and feel as if they have only slowed down now, just in time for the start of a new year.<br />
<br />
A quick and lovely birthday trip to North Carolina to visit with my brother in May kicked things off. Then we were consumed by moving preparations and finances until June when we closed on our house. Then it was two weeks of living in two places and working around the clock to prepare the new house for moving into. Once we moved in the work continued for two weeks until we went on our annual vacation to Cape May with great friends. Somewhere in there we braved a BBQ, which was just lunacy in hindsight, but hey, people wanted to see the house. <br />
<br />
<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBzMtNkKmiFhjeXCE5v7BtQH1ldEKOl1oLsnsNDi2Bcl87Eclw874u-R7BtLbC57bEHVL3sUrRJAV_UFNrLbbpnQi-TRoqet2pkZZwaUtB_n2vhEqNyeky8jJ_HvgLba-UzcoFwQ/s1600/Cape+May.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 228px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBzMtNkKmiFhjeXCE5v7BtQH1ldEKOl1oLsnsNDi2Bcl87Eclw874u-R7BtLbC57bEHVL3sUrRJAV_UFNrLbbpnQi-TRoqet2pkZZwaUtB_n2vhEqNyeky8jJ_HvgLba-UzcoFwQ/s320/Cape+May.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5691655495386648930" /></a><br />
<br />
We worked hard through August and I participated in the race of my life early September, my biggest accomplishment to date, which you can read about <a href="http://criscipline.blogspot.com/2011/09/spartan-race-report-91011.html">here</a>. <br />
<br />
<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO_O3NSWiQrUCqNcIXBnOB8LMSQvRXxMZ5LdtEDhonT5nIYhakxryYR2m53m-LBhbfGBcCxrHDVpiXwBtHsXzyTIQDLd6qYYe1KDl-QZk4lOPmuXdy4rPBf3rpxHNdh2TEoJWjnA/s1600/Spartan.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 239px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO_O3NSWiQrUCqNcIXBnOB8LMSQvRXxMZ5LdtEDhonT5nIYhakxryYR2m53m-LBhbfGBcCxrHDVpiXwBtHsXzyTIQDLd6qYYe1KDl-QZk4lOPmuXdy4rPBf3rpxHNdh2TEoJWjnA/s320/Spartan.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5691655714666655586" /></a><br />
<br />
I started a new job three days later, September 14, and got accepted to Saint Joseph's University within the week. Of course by now I was begging Mike to be careful every time he stepped out of the house and calling my Mother just to tell her I love her certain that the shoe would drop at any second. This run of good fortune was leaving me skeptical and nervous.<br />
<br />
We picked up the pace on the house again so that it would be ready for our "Annual Oktoberfest Party in Honor of Mike's Birthday". It came down to the wire. We finished painting the dining room hours before the table was delivered, exactly one week before the party. Our first big party in our own home went off without a hitch, if you exclude my having possibly been "over-excited". Nearly every one of our greatest friends plus many more were there and after that the house felt properly christened. <br />
<br />
Another race in November and a quick two and a half day trip to Cape May with my Mom to cross something off her bucket list and an extremely busy social life brings us to the present. Mike and I went to New York, together, for the first time in our relationship. We got to see the Giants destroy the Jets live on Christmas Eve. <br />
<br />
<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9dzRSa9W_6bIUkbISaVR66vTznIhT74cnmsct16mwzAL4O_h2I9BzrgUaJ2f3frTE4gROrbh9XExF3Ajq4VUnZ7QIQsA7MRBUn1-VH1WS0yRMyZbykd88aYGz4-hI2yuUPWZxZQ/s1600/Cape+May+Mom.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9dzRSa9W_6bIUkbISaVR66vTznIhT74cnmsct16mwzAL4O_h2I9BzrgUaJ2f3frTE4gROrbh9XExF3Ajq4VUnZ7QIQsA7MRBUn1-VH1WS0yRMyZbykd88aYGz4-hI2yuUPWZxZQ/s320/Cape+May+Mom.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5691655975171731250" /></a><br />
<br />
<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy07B6tK_TXDvJXZ9AwtSU0v0NEdcCYNVVDmpvN5ikO4vxTASo_WnspmnHKEaRF9JjgbQbJS6yutIS_3cGK44aYpAX0gTfxhn3lt2zLaT_Dv8TzQOjGKGO624W_xnkpX4e6VYalg/s1600/JessMikenyc.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy07B6tK_TXDvJXZ9AwtSU0v0NEdcCYNVVDmpvN5ikO4vxTASo_WnspmnHKEaRF9JjgbQbJS6yutIS_3cGK44aYpAX0gTfxhn3lt2zLaT_Dv8TzQOjGKGO624W_xnkpX4e6VYalg/s320/JessMikenyc.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5691656116636409122" /></a><br />
<br />
<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTOpMLZAjRQgCztSNRVRQ8glO47j3ricCh0OJrYqO9zZa_4xfvuqe-rnAax81PtWfqM7u-Hek3zfRbCuGZKpdmQw7kGyYF_LoJLbBuwWSE7NF0D8mtuCVWzMa8II54fpwb_5jwhw/s1600/Game.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 250px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTOpMLZAjRQgCztSNRVRQ8glO47j3ricCh0OJrYqO9zZa_4xfvuqe-rnAax81PtWfqM7u-Hek3zfRbCuGZKpdmQw7kGyYF_LoJLbBuwWSE7NF0D8mtuCVWzMa8II54fpwb_5jwhw/s320/Game.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5691656566584266642" /></a><br />
<br />
In summary, 2011 was the year we bought a house, I switched jobs, got accepted to University, and ran the race of my life, which I am happy to say I will be participating in again this July. It's the year I joined a writing group, my Mom's knees were replaced, my best friend got engaged, and I went to my very last Harry Potter film. <br />
<br />
Now we're feeling tired and eager to bring in the new year alone in our house playing a new video game. I'll wake up January 1, 2012 and participate in a five mile race to start things off strong. 2012 will be a healthy and fun year now that there's no wedding to plan, house to buy or career move to work toward. This year will really be about Mike, myself, and the two of us together (with Cooper). We both have big plans for ourselves that have had to take a back seat and now we're eager to spend more energy focusing on ourselves.<br />
<br />
Cheers.Jessica A. Walshhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08813007842584063423noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15758140.post-18457041587800510602011-09-11T06:30:00.008-04:002011-09-11T18:11:21.794-04:00Spartan Race Report - 9/10/11A few months ago my good friend, Rudy really stepped up his work outs and started working hard to lose weight and get fit. He picked a goal several months out, sort of a culmination of his training if you will, and that is the super challenging 12 mile Tough Mudder obstacle course race in November. His ambition quickly became contagious and others around him began working out and eating better, myself included. <br /><br />Because I have raced a whopping two races I considered myself more experienced and suggested to Rudy he do a race in advance as sort of a dress rehearsal. He had already planned to and found something called the Spartan Sprint, a 3.5 mile obstacle course. Although I have no desire whatsoever to take on the Mudder, this Spartan thing sounded reasonable so I decided to sign on to show Rudy my support and have something to train for in the meantime. <br /><br />We didn't have much to go on. The Spartan is a touring obstacle course style race. There are three levels, each varying distances, culminating with the Spartan Death Race which boasts a 10% completion rate. We were told the Sprint was around 3.5 miles, hilly, muddy and that there would be about a dozen obstacles. There was no course map, no description of the obstacles - pretty much nothing but a location and a date. <br /><br />Two days prior to the event we received an email with some crucial information like our bib numbers, etc. Also included was a note from the Race Director saying that the course was shaping up nicely and is 4.5 miles, 2.5 of which is up the mountain. We then found out the the PA Spartan Sprint is the longest and hardest of the lowest tier of Spartans. And that was only the beginning. <br /><br />We arrived yesterday at the race and were immediately intimidated. We said it several times yesterday and I will say it again; thank God we didn't know what we were getting ourselves into, because we most likely would not have shown up.<br /><br />We talked to some folks, including a women who quit a quarter way through, and watched the top five finishers cross the finishing line. All we knew at this point was that no one was actually running up this mountain, and that as we approached the finish we had to jump over fire, climb a wall, throw a spear into a target and do burpees as punishment if we missed (think jump, squat into a push-up then stand back up thirty times). Lastly, we had to face three incredibly fit people dressed as Spartans with jousts who hit you as you passed. Fun.<br /><br />Ironically, at the peak of the mountain we could see some movement. The people up there were as big as ants to us at the base and we wondered what was going on up there. Little did we know this would be our toughest obstacle or that I would collapse up there in a few hours. <br /><br />We queued up at the Roman style pillars for our 12:00 heat start and did our best to amp ourselves up. Our Spartan host informed us we would be facing "dozens" of obstacles. Rudy and I looked at each other with wide eyes at the word "dozens". What the hell happened to a dozen? We were about to jog into the unknown. <br /><br />Before we knew it we were off jogging into what would be 2+ hours of torture we would often exclaim we actually paid $100 for (including the mandatory insurance of course). I was in way over my head. <br /><br />The incline kicked my ass five minutes in and I was hoofing it gasping in air. Most people were. And oh look, a wall. I hoisted myself up and over the first wall then crawled under a second then up and over again and under. By the third wall (about fifteen minutes in) I failed two attempts and a man asked if I needed help and yes, I asked him to "shove my ass over this thing". <br /><br />The incline was torture. The obstacles were just uncalled for and mean. Rudy and I mostly stuck together 2/3 up the mountain (about 1/3 of the race). As if walking straight up a mountain isn't enough they threw in some tunnels for us to crawl through for fun, I'm sure. If that wasn't fun enough at least Rudy threw grass at me and I tried to knock him unsuccessfully into the side of the tunnel. When everyone is suffering it's best to make your own fun. <br /><br />To emphasize how steep the incline was - two parts of our course upmountain (uphill does this no justice) were so steep that there were ropes to help us hoist ourselves up. Rocks we used as foot holds gave out and trees we used to grab on to bent. This was no hike in the woods. There were other obstacles on the uphill that my brain blocked out. <br /><br />I wanted to quit fifteen minutes in to this hell and caught up to Rudy as he was resting a moment and told him so. I also told him we can no longer be friends. (This was his idea after all). He admitted the thought of quitting was crossing his mind as well and he would if I did. I don't recall this but Rudy said after this exchange I took off running so he did as well so I wouldn't get a lead on him. We didn't speak of quitting again out loud (although I know I thought it). <br /><br />We parted ways about 2/3 up the mountain. I just couldn't keep up. The last third of the uphill was excruciating. People were dropping off to the sides every where and some were even vomiting. I developed the chills and began to shake. Every hair on my body stood. But I could still see Rudy up ahead and I knew I had to keep going. But I grew increasingly nervous over my current physical state and finally told a man suffering beside me how I felt. He said I wasn't getting enough oxygen and that I should put my hands over my head and take deep breaths. We stuck together a few more yards (which took minutes) and I finally sat. The view was incredible. I was so high up the mountain that I knew I was far beyond the point of quitting. The top of the mountain (and I knew water would be up there) was within sight. I continued onward taking baby steps leaning forward. It felt like hours, but I made it. <br /><br />I expected a water station, but I faced a hell far worse. Immediately to our left was the double diamond ski slope. I was told I had to fill a five-gallon paint bucket half way (men had to fill theirs 3/4) with gravel and walk 50 yards down the incredibly steep double diamond slope then back up with my bucket. I exclaimed "where's the water!?!" and was told it was after I completed this obstacle. <br /><br />The slope was so steep that our buckets prevented us from tumbling forward to our deaths (if we were lucky maybe the finish line). All we could do was lean sideways and take a few baby steps and drag our bucket to catch up. If you spilled your gravel you had to scoop it back in. As I started my journey down I saw Rudy on his way up. He was a sight for sore eyes to say the least and I managed one "Yeah Rudy!". I didn't see him again until the finish line. <br /><br />I collapsed on the upside. I had already walked up a mountain. I couldn't walk 50 yards up a double diamond slope while carrying a 30 lb. bucket. People were dropping like flies, apologizing to the people behind them only for them to say "it's okay, I can't move anyway". Finally, like an angel sent from above, a girl beside me said, "on the count of three we walk 10 steps." She counted the ten steps aloud and then we dropped. We rested and started again while she counted aloud. We did this at least ten times and together we made it to the top. I have no idea who she is but I may not have made it without her. <br /><br />To add insult to injury there was a massive wall between us and the water. I was physically incapable of getting over the wall so I went around it. A volunteer told me to drop and do 30 burpees. I uttered a simple "no" and I guess by the look on my face he knew to leave it alone. <br /><br />Finally. Water. And back down. I was half way there. I knew at this point that Rudy faced whatever I was about to face and he did it so I could too. I didn't want to see him. I knew the only way I would see him was if he got hurt. <br /><br />After the water I had to lift a cinder block on a pulley up 25 feet and let it down slowly. This was surprisingly easy and I completed the task without incident. Now for the downhill and more surprises. <br /><br />The downhill was incredibly technical single track. I trained on trails so I could navigate fairly quickly so I managed to pass many people who stepped aside as they heard me coming. But there was no running. This was far too steep and far too muddy. Many, many times I got too much momentum and had to grab a tree to stop myself from crashing. We spent a lot of time on our asses sliding far too fast down rocky mud using our sneakers as a steering wheel. I was constantly brushing my ass to make sure my pants didn't rip open. (Rudy mentioned he saw his fair share of girl butt LOL!) <br /><br />I slid my way down a trail and saw a sort of opening. I rised, and my heart sank. Another godforsaken obstacle. This one a 20 foot cargo net to climb up and over. I have a fear of heights, but even a greater fear of faulty manufacturing. But I knew I had to do it. I made it to the top and straddled the top bar and froze a little. It took me a minute or two to swing my other leg over but the volunteer on the ground was very encouraging and told me to take my time. When I finally swung my other leg over I felt like a winner. I conquered a fear. (Later on Rudy will say that he was concerned for me as he tackled the net knowing my fear of heights. And I will smile and say I made it up and over and conquered my fear.) Rudy actually climbed the net so damn fast that the same volunteer yelled at him to slow down! <br /><br />More incredibly technical single track lay ahead and it became abundantly clear that we weren't navigating actual "trails" but ways down a mountain that were created just for this race. We had to push trees and branches aside and do our best not to break our ankles (or our necks). (Many ankles were actually broken.) <br /><br />I once again emerged to a clearing and saw a series of three foot tall totem poles to hop across. I made my way up onto the first one and froze. The next one was pretty far away and I did not trust my muddy sneakers. I could not step across. I had to jump across. Instead I hopped down and again refused to do the penalty 30 burpees. Fuck that shit was my attitude at the time. <br /><br />After this the trail went uphill again and I was again cursing the sadistic person who developed the course. Again I passed people taking breaks off to the side. I heard running water and continued ahead to the sound of "head first folks!". A MAKESHIFT WATERSLIDE!! I didn't go head first but I jumped down onto the massive make shift plastic tarp water slide and plunged into an icy cold mountain lake and it was incredibly refreshing! I swam 100 yards to the exit making small talk with a fellow Spartan about how this was by far the best obstacle. (Yes, they put a row of barrels in our path so that we'd have to go under water.) <br /><br />Little did we know we weren't finished with water. We emerged again to some sort of lake (mountain drainage hole?). We were told to grab a rope that was tied to a cinder block. We had to drag it down a hill, through waist high water and back up. By this point I have no shame in admitting I was looking for female advantages. I asked if they were all the same and was told they were. I grabbed a rope and heard "Hey dude, give that to her!" Apparently the guy a few feet ahead grabbed a broken cinder block so it was a "6" instead of a complete figure "8", He sheepishly handed it off and I was grateful for the slight advantage. The uphill was, again, a bitch to say the least. <br /><br />After that more trails and then a "lovely" series of three hills (think motocross) all with waist high muddy water in between. I ran all three nearly plunging face first as I hit the water in between. This was also a little fun in retrospect. Little did I know that the second hardest obstacle lay around the bend.<br /><br />I was greeted by nasty, wet thick MUD and two foot high barbed wire; VERY REAL barbed wire that my tired ass had to army crawl under. I stepped up into the mud and nearly broke my knee because my foot sank about a foot and prying it out took great effort and great suction noises. It was all hands and knees and then strictly elbows and feet FOR OVER THIRTY YARDS!! We discovered as a group about half way through after our elbows and forearms were bloodied that rolling was far easier. We turned on our sides and rolled slowly, being very careful not to snag the barbed wire. (The wire was so low that Rudy had to ball his empty camelback up in his first.) <br /><br />I rised, dizzy, to face another massive wall. This was the same height I was physically incapable of getting over the first time so proceeded around it and exclaimed, "are you fucking kidding me!" because I faced another thirty plus yards of barbed wire. I made my way slowly rolling under the wire trying not to kick anyone in the head and fighting the urge to vomit. The mud had rocks in it and smelled like fertilizer. I couldn't help but think of the scene in Shawshank Redemption when Andy climbed through the sewage pipe to freedom. <br /><br />I made it through, and rised dizzy, but thankful not to see any obstacles. The mud was so thick that when I shaked my arms out I head a loud "SPLAT!" as the mud hit the ground. The mud definitely added several pounds and I was completely encased. But for the first time I heard life other than complaints or heavy breathing; I heard the finish. I knew only fire, a wall, a spear and Spartans with jousts lay ahead.<br /><br />I rounded the corner and I was right. There lay the spear toss. Of course I missed the target and by now I knew Rudy was waiting for me at the finish and may have spotted me even encased shoulder to toes in mud. I did the freaking burpees. Well, ten of the thirty. (We knew most people missed the target because we had watched so many heats finish. Rudy, AMAZINGLY, hit the target and applause erupted around him. I'm fairly certain this felt almost as good as finishing.) <br /><br />I ran toward the U-shaped fire blaze and the heat hit me like a ton of bricks. I froze right before I was supposed to jump. Before the flames was thick mud and the black smoke was so thick and I couldn't decipher the width. I backed up for another running start and took off again and damnit, I froze again. The simple truth is that I didn't trust my legs at this point. <br /><br />I ran around the blaze and got hit with a high pressure fire hose as punishment. I welcomed it at this point because it took off some of the mud. The final wall lay ahead; a slanted 8 foot pyramid with a rope to hoist yourself up and over. I ran and jumped, grabbed the rope and pulled myself to the top. Before I could get a leg over I slipped and slided down. I took another running start, grabbed the rope like my life depended on it and this time I got a leg over. I slipped down hard and crashed into a pile of hay and took off for the finish praying the Spartans took mercy on me. <br /><br />By this point I was near tears from a mixture of exhaustion and accomplishment and the Spartans must have seen it in my face because one ever so gently tapped me in the belly and one tapped me in the back and they both whispered, "good job, honey". I crossed the finish to the sound of Rudy's cheers. Someone put my medal around my neck and I made my way to the water, shaking; shaking from fear I didn't have time to experience, adrenaline, accomplishment, muscle exhaustion, so many things. I did it. <br /><br />I am Spartan. Rudy is Spartan. We are both incredibly proud. <br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">*I ran the course in 2 hours, 15 minutes. Rudy ran the course in 2 hours, 3 minutes. I placed 36th out of 76 women in my heat and beat 58 men in my heat. Rudy placed 75th out of 156 men in our heat and 99th out of 232 overall in our heat. We both placed in the upper 50th percentile of our sexes. Will we do it again? I think we could convince one another of that. </span>Jessica A. Walshhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08813007842584063423noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15758140.post-70445776779432406342011-08-14T09:12:00.003-04:002011-08-14T09:33:19.611-04:00Rainy Sunday GratitudeI awoke this morning with an overwhelming sense of gratitude. Gratitude for the steady rain, gratitude for the eleven hours of sleep I so desperately needed, and gratitude toward the snoozing little black dog pressed against my thigh for letting me have it.
<br />
<br />Rainy Sundays are few and far between. They are also one of my favorite things. Blessedly, we have no plans today so therefore no obligation; a full day of anything we please with no pressure to do anything at all. Rainy Sundays induce in me a sense of thoughtfulness and reflection with a hint of creativity. My mind feels peaceful, a feeling I am sad to say is long overdue. I am absolutely relishing in the peace of my mind.
<br />
<br />My mom asked me yesterday if our new house felt like home to me yet and I answered her, "no, not yet". I explained I wasn't sleeping well and hadn't settled in to doing all the things I enjoy yet. Ironically of course, this morning I feel more at home. It was nice to wake up to the silence of the house, knowing I could be alone for maybe an hour or two. I cleaned up the last remnants of my parents visit yesterday, made my latte with cinnamon sugar and now here I sit; almost dead center between the two massive windows that overlook our front yard on the left and our back yard on the right. The rain flicks the leaves of our dogwood tree and puddles on our porch. I can do anything I want.
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Posted to criscipline.blogspot.com 9:32 am 8/14
<br />
<br /> Jessica A. Walshhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08813007842584063423noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15758140.post-20706096120818318822011-07-08T10:49:00.009-04:002011-07-09T17:06:34.500-04:00My Gratitude and Farewell to Harry PotterThursday evening I will attend my last ever Harry Potter midnight premiere. <br /><br />That sentence alone leaves me feeling quite sad. Therefore I find it's only appropriate that I add my token of farewell and thanks to the ever-growing list of sentiments, and chronicle my personal story with the boy-wizard who stole my heart and the hearts of so many.<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">NOTE: Half Blood Prince spoilers ahead. If you've read the book, seen the movie, or don't care, proceed. </span> <br /><br />Harry Potter and the magical world of J.K. Rowling's creation came into my life late. Three books and one movie were already out. In fact, at first I rejected Harry Potter entirely. A boyfriend and I were very ill and had rented some dvds, including Sorcerer's Stone. I don't know if it was the illness or what, but we turned it off half way through. <br /><br />Fast forward a year or two and I found myself in a deserted beach town mid-winter with no book. After searching everywhere for an open book store I was forced to concede and pull into a Wal-Mart. The measly half-aisle of selection yielded Romance novels, a few best sellers I had no interest in whatsoever, and Harry Potter. Many, many copies of Harry Potter. Out of a combination of desperation and the desire to keep up with pop culture (the buzz was palpable), I bought my first Harry Potter book. <br /><br />I was instantly hooked. <br /><br />The best thing about starting late was that I didn't have to wait for the next two books to be published. I feverishly consumed the first three and watched the two movies that were out, which I adored by the way. And then I waited. (Side note: I had a great fear of flying for a time and was headed out to Seattle. I managed to control my fear by the belief that God would not take me before I found out how Harry Potter ended. I felt strongly about this and took great comfort in it.) <br /><br />Prisoner of Azkaban (Year 3) was the first movie to come out after I was hooked. My intention was to go to the midnight premiere, and every midnight premiere after that, lamenting the fact that I had missed the first two. I will never forget my first Harry Potter midnight premiere, but not for the reasons you may think. <br /><br />My boyfriend at the time, whom I was obsessively and madly in love with, dumped me the evening of the premiere. This is entirely true. This break-up took a while, largely on my part (no need to tell this embarrassing tale). Lets just say it was rather late when I finally got the message. As I walked to my car desperately trying to maintain some semblance of dignity, the horrible man asked me if I would be okay and "where are you going"? I wiped my tears, turned toward him and said, "I am going to Harry Potter. I am not letting you ruin this for me." Then I turned and got into my car and drove to the theater for my first premiere. I was immensely proud of myself and grateful to Harry who was able to salve my heartache for several hours. <br /><br />The fanfare of midnight premieres is great fun. There are costumes, HP theory debates prior to previews, and at the first note of that beloved intro music there is rapturous applause. The movie was brilliant, as Ron would say. <br /><br />My memory of the book release of Year 4 is fuzzy. However, I recall very clearly marking my calendar for the book release of Year 5 and even getting one of those little widget count down things on my desktop for every movie and book afterward. I planned a personal day for Year 5. It came out in July. Although I lived in Philadelphia I clearly recall purchasing the book the morning after it came out (I had no interest in midnight book premieres) at the Menlo Park Mall Barnes and Noble so that I could immediately go to my favorite beach in Spring Lake, NJ. I made a day of it and it was very special. <br /><br />By this time my Mom was enjoying Harry Potter too. I was so into it that I actually lamented to her how much I wished I had someone to share theories with. She went out and got the books and started reading them. I had picked her up Year 5 when I got mine. Later that day we went to a nearby dock and read quietly together. Once my Mom got into it I took her to each movie as soon as our schedules would allow once they came out (and always looked forward to experiencing each movie a second time with her). <br /><br />The movie release for Goblet of Fire (Year 4) is also hazy, which I regret because I was dating my now-husband. I will have to check my ticket stubs to find out if this was his first Harry Potter movie in the theaters. I was still living in Philadelphia and we had a long-distant relationship so this would have been difficult. I know we had watched the first three together when we started dating. In fact, he bought me the third movie as a gift when it came out on DVD. I do clearly remember this. He always supported my love of Harry Potter, which is why we kept dating. ;-)<br /><br />I am certain, however, that we went to Order of the Phoenix (Year 5) together at midnight. I missed the midnight premiere of Half Blood Prince (Year 6), but this was a very special year nevertheless. Mike, my husband who I was still only dating, and I were on vacation with dear friends and could not find a theater nearby with a midnight showing so everyone agreed to tag along the next afternoon even though most of them had never seen any movies prior to it. We went to the most dilapidated theater I have ever set foot in on the boardwalk in Wildwood, NJ. The arm rests were missing leaving rusted jagged strips of metal and your feet stuck to the floor. I recall my friend Knarr yelling "No horseplay!' at some excited kids running down the center aisle. Rudy faked a sneeze and dumped half his popcorn on Mike's head. We were a motley bunch and I am pretty certain they all tagged along out of kindness and to share in my excitement. Later, Dani confused her summer blockbusters and asked me if Dumblebee was really dead. I am happy to report though that since then Rudy has become a fan.<br /><br />I was living with Mike when the Half Blood Prince book came out. By this point avoiding spoilers was nearly impossible and took great effort. I somberly cried at the death of beloved Dumbledore, and felt a sense of loneliness and fear. Afterall, who would lead us and give us the secrets of Voldemort's defeat? He was our hope, our light. <br /><br />I walked into the living room, tears streaming, and asked Mike to hold me. He asked what was wrong. "I can't tell you," I sobbed. I'm pretty sure he laughed at me. He should have thanked me for not ruining the movies for him haha.<br /><br />I bought the final book with a sense of sadness, knowing it was the end. The story ends magnificently, as I knew it would. The magical world Rowling has created for us lives on in our hearts. But I knew at the time that the real "this is the end" sadness was staved by the fact that there were more movies yet to be released. The news that Deathly Hallows would be split into two movies was ecstatically welcomed as a huge bonus. Part 1 was outstanding (and may very well be my favorite one yet). But now, much like Harry, we are very much coming face to face with the end. This saddens me. <br /><br />Thankfully, J.K. Rowling in her infinite brilliance and compassion has given her fans Pottermore, e-books which will provide over 18,000 words of additional content including background details and settings. And there is more to look forward to. My best friend, Jess is FINALLY reading the books and we will watch the movies together, beginning with Sorcerer's stone Monday night. <br /><br />And of course there will be the tremendous joy of visiting the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Orlando, FL. And lets not forget the best thing; sharing this world with my children whom I eagerly await to read to. <br /><br />J.K. Rowling and all of the actors in the movies brought such joy into my life. If there was no Harry Potter I would not know the difference, I know. But the joy it has brought me is tangible and can be measured. Every single Harry Potter Weekend on ABC Family excites me. That first musical note of John William's brilliant introduction brings a smile to my face. The books, the movies, the hype, the fans - it's all wonderful and so positive. <br /><br />And best of all, it will live on. Thank you, J.K. Rowling. <br /><br />Posted to criscipline.blogspot.com 7/8/11Jessica A. Walshhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08813007842584063423noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15758140.post-13098902350644780742011-04-18T10:50:00.010-04:002011-04-18T13:08:44.869-04:00The Trunk at the Foot of my BedAt the foot of my bed sits a trunk. It has sat at the foot of my bed, wherever that bed may have been, for the past fourteen years. In this trunk sits my memories. <br /><br />This past weekend I tackled the arduous task of sorting through my memories. I feared opening that lid would be similar to that of Pandora's box. I worried that lifting the hefty stack of journals strewn across the bottom would result in my sitting back against the trunk, opening, reading, remembering. I envisioned laughing at my 12 year old self and her professions of love to boys I can't place, even after reading my own painstakingly detailed descriptions. I would cry for my fourteen year old self living too far from home in a cold condominium. I would resent my sixteen year old self for her cruelty to her mother. And I would fear for my twenty year old self and what lay before her in the coming year. Lastly, my breath would catch at all the thousands of memories I've since forgotten hidden amongst those pages. And I would inevitably alternate rage with tears. <br /><br />There was just no need to face any of this. Not now. <br /><br />So I approached the trunk with ambivalence, but also a sense of purpose. I flipped the pages of a random journal, my foreign handwriting looking insecure, as if it was only whispering its thoughts. I picked up another and read the inside cover and couldn't refrain from whispering a hurtful "fuck you" to the person whose left hand wrote the inscription. My penmanship in this journal was harsh, angry; like the straight edges of the words themselves could cut the reader. I didn't allow my eyes to form sentences, I only flipped the pages. I crossed the room to my end table to pick up my current journal. The hand writing is sloppy, rushed, but purposeful. My handwriting over the years tells a story in itself. <br /><br />Journals stacked on the side, I lifted my baby blanket and found a large collection of papers sealed with twine in a plastic folder. With a sigh and a smile, I sat. For in that folder were my writings. Stories, poems, letters; it was all in there, even a few drawings. I don't have the heart to get rid of a single yellowed page, even though I understand it's just the musings of a young girl. I like to think one day a child of mine will stumble upon this folder, perhaps in an attic, and will get to see a side of their mother they didn't know.<br /><br />Also crushed near the bottom was my brother's wide brim Bushmaster hat he gave me a week after my thirteenth birthday. Actually, to say he gave it to me is a lie. He told me I ruined it and should just keep it. You see, I wore it in the pouring rain while sitting on the beach watching he and his friends surf and the brim got all droopy. I wrote a story about that hat and the day for English class. It's in the folder of course with a large "A" adorning the top. <br /><br />I sorted everything I kept from Mike and spent the most time looking at the letters, cards, ticket stubs, show flyers, as I knew they would bring me no hurt. I sorted notes and cards from my mother into a separate pile as these are equally important artifacts. <br /><br />I was relieved to see evidence that I undertook this task sometime in the not so distant past as the most difficult sentiments (including those from past loves) were already condensed to a few special items, mainly for the simple sake of remembering. I recall I did this soon after Mike and I became engaged. It was clearly the time to let go so that's what I did. <br /><br />Other random items include the brown and white plaid apron my childhood self wore as I waitressed my play food, my puffy painted name still intact; my sister-in-law's garter, which I caught the day she and my brother were married; my favorite pocketbook, worn beyond repair, which Mike affectionately referred to as my bag of death; a yellowed album of every card I received for my first birthday, now permanently stuck to its backing. I think of my Mom and how she was once the kind of mother who was organized and made this album. I believe it is the last of its kind. <br /><br />And the pictures! My God, the pictures: the remnants of my mother and father's wedding album, the plastic sheets slashed by the razor my mom took to its pages. Boxes upon boxes of our childhood photos I believe I may have stole from my mother's basement in an effort to salvage history. All this and more lays within the trunk at the foot of my bed. <br /><br />Everything is now safely tucked back inside, minus the few collectibles I have decided to sell. I completed the task unscathed, except for the persistent question growing in my mind of why I choose to keep this somewhat random sampling of my life. <br /><br />I am reminded that the Buddhists believe a truly happy man is a man who can lose every possession, yet still be a happy man. I can part with possessions easily, but I don't view the contents of my trunk as possessions, but strictly memories that happen to exist in tangible form. Memory triggers? <br /><br />At any rate, the contents of my trunk hold my story. I don't know what is in store for me, but I do not intend to stop valuing my experiences and relationships and therefore, the contents of this trunk which sits at the foot of my bed will grow. I only hope to be well thought of enough when I've gone, that at least one person will not view my trunk as a storage box, but as a treasure chest instead. <br /><br />Posted to criscipline.blogspot.com 4/18/11Jessica A. Walshhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08813007842584063423noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15758140.post-88040415358978072012011-03-12T03:32:00.002-05:002011-03-12T03:48:03.802-05:00Insomnia at 3:33In an attempt to stifle my incessant worrying I take to pondering the question of nightmares vs. insomnia. It's been five nights of nightmares now. In one, I lost my brother's dog in a park. But mostly, I just end up without a place to live. <br /><br />Tonight, sleep won't come for me.<br /><br />I roll over yet again and the time of 3:33 mocks me. You don't make wishes on obnoxious numbers. My thoughts shift to drink vs. Nyquil? It is Friday. A Friday night in which I was asleep by 10:00 in order to put a period on the end of this day of worrying about where to live. Little did I know that period was an ellipsis. For here I am yet again. <br /><br />I have decided. Nightmares. Definitely. Because after all, insomnia is a nightmare when you can't escape your thoughts.Jessica A. Walshhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08813007842584063423noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15758140.post-54619680313460605092011-01-21T11:48:00.005-05:002011-01-22T12:16:37.384-05:00A Renewed Interest in WordsTwo years ago I took a creative writing course hoping it would stir up my latent desire to write. I wanted to be forced to write, figuring it would get me back in the habit of things. I did some writing which I was proud of as a result of the course, but then I stopped again once it ended. <br /><br />A couple of weeks ago I needed to choose my words quite carefully in a letter. I wrote again, and damn it felt good. Since that day words have been coming to me on my evening walks through deserted fields with my dog, Cooper. I think the quiet darkness is quite conducive to creative thinking. Ideas and words come during the other quiet darkness as well, when I'm just about to doze off. But now instead of silencing those thoughts, I listen, and scribble them in my journal which has resumed its post on my bedside table. In this short span of two weeks I find I've been able to make just a little more sense of things. Writing allows me the chance to reflect just that much more, to grab just a few of the thousands of fleeting thoughts that saunter by on any given day, and to confide in myself my own personal thoughts. Personal writing is mainly what I have been doing so far. I've learned through writing I no longer need to carry with me the thoughts I am hesitant to express verbally or confide in others. <br /><br />Writing takes time. I love cooking so I make time for it. I don't love exercising, but I know it's important so I make time for it. I will make time for writing now. Because not only do I really enjoy it, but it helps to provide me with mental well being and a positive outlet. When it's time to write and I got nothing, I will spend some time reading my writing books I purchased when I was certain I would be a best selling author (the books are quite dated needless to say). <br /><br />I cannot say how often I will write in this blog, although I do hope it is a little less sporadic. If my writing remains personal, well then it will remain private. I'm not going into writing this time with an idea or specific goal of writing a book. I'm going into this for the sake of writing this time. <br /><br />However, you will see I've done a little updating to the design and added labels. I haven't gone back to add labels to every post yet. Damn, I wrote a lot of crap back when I started this thing! It's been both fun and embarrassing reading backwards. I look forward to choosing my words more carefully and honing my craft.Jessica A. Walshhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08813007842584063423noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15758140.post-29432210936946242752010-12-31T09:18:00.005-05:002011-01-21T14:29:20.662-05:002010 - Year in ReviewI just finished reading my 2009 Year in Review and am so glad I started this tradition of annual reflection. 2009 was a really great year and I enjoy being able to revisit it, in my own words.<br /><br />I love this time of year, which brings about an end but also a new beginning. Often it brings a sense of relief, renewed effort, and big plans. I have big plans for 2011 and lofty goals. But one cannot move forward without first putting to bed the past.<br /><br />2010 was a challenging year. I can truthfully say I felt great anxiety nearly every day of the year. I woke up January 1 with the usual drive and sense of renewed effort this day typically brings. I hit the ground running full speed ahead making big plans and trying to live healthfully. Unfortunately, none of this was exactly for me, but for my wedding. 2010 will forever be in my mind "2010: The Year of the Wedding". It was the Big Foot of my life, forever in sight, constantly glaring down at me. I worried for ten months straight about everything a wedding makes any bride worry about. It is cliche, but it is very real.<br /><br />And it overshadowed everything. <br /><br />However, it was all worth it. Our wedding was perfect. And the ten months of stress and anxiety just melted away, as the sun is melting the snow outside as I type. Looking back, 2010 feels almost like a sacrificial year. I gave a year to something that was important to me; that I wanted done right and on my terms. But now, I'm excited to move forward onto the next big thing (and re-instate Oktoberfest!). <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0bhtlofjlvNdEF13YYEgtYoJ3GUZZdq_dR_U1uOPTvr7ez0w4vTgC6w0OZuGDOvXdXnG4UBcfeY8CeTTL_mWymh_QVP6ACbtrCrbyVj538tWNFgGyMmXPfNRff_URH1zqVL8qUA/s1600/Mike+and+Jess.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 214px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0bhtlofjlvNdEF13YYEgtYoJ3GUZZdq_dR_U1uOPTvr7ez0w4vTgC6w0OZuGDOvXdXnG4UBcfeY8CeTTL_mWymh_QVP6ACbtrCrbyVj538tWNFgGyMmXPfNRff_URH1zqVL8qUA/s320/Mike+and+Jess.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5556864149649466258" /></a><br /><br />Before I do that though, I want to thank our friends, parents and my brothers and sister-in-law. It is all of you that got us through 2010, and made the wedding so perfect. The wedding may have overshadowed the entire year but all of you made parts of it great fun. The Shower, the dress fitting get-togethers, the casual dinners at our place, the great laughter. Thank you. We love you. <br /><br />I hope that next year will be "2011: The Year of the Home". Yes, Mike and I are planning to buy a home this Spring. I don't know what to expect. All we can do is educate ourselves and prepare best we can. I'm excited and optimistic and very much looking forward to doing things for us, not for an event. There's a sense of freedom that comes with getting past the wedding. My husband and I are now free to move about. Pun intended. <br /><br />As I wrap things up, I cannot believe I almost forgot to mention that 2010 was also the year of the dog. I don't know if that's true in a Chinese Zodiac sense, but it was for us. 2010 is the year Cooper came into our lives and we can't imagine life without him. I think I'll go take a nap with him now. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyrA4vknT7pmzuGCZUzk64PP5JPBfX7qZlog4IqX0VsNMNIWNfTD5Oqc5Zppsd00YAOSWeAsOeClIv7lUqlEXgGsSvgOoOCUN_hHaGIE1G9piuing-Wmjz5pPRn4LQENrapyEXWA/s1600/Cooper.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyrA4vknT7pmzuGCZUzk64PP5JPBfX7qZlog4IqX0VsNMNIWNfTD5Oqc5Zppsd00YAOSWeAsOeClIv7lUqlEXgGsSvgOoOCUN_hHaGIE1G9piuing-Wmjz5pPRn4LQENrapyEXWA/s320/Cooper.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5556864652267275746" /></a>Jessica A. Walshhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08813007842584063423noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15758140.post-79850549392739039842010-07-23T10:13:00.003-04:002011-01-21T14:27:54.927-05:00Clearing Dust off the Blog - a brief updateSince joining Facebook I find there is little need to update this blog since it's main purpose is to keep distant friends and family updated on comings and goings. However, I thought this would be a good time to blow off the proverbial dust and write some sort of update.<br /><br />Mike and I had a great vacation with friends in Cape May early July and have gotten all of the drinking, eating and partying out of our system. We returned home and hit the ground running with wedding planning. I've also renewed my weight loss efforts. I've been working hard since February in this area but thought a renewal would be in order, particularly after a gluttonous vacation. I am pleased to report I am off to a great start. I get excited over these efforts because they usually mean I'll be cooking new things and experimenting a bit more and most likely trying a new physical activity. Someone told me they admired my determination this morning, but I had to reply that it's really just intense desperation masked as determination. My wedding dress doesn't fit so do I have much of a choice?<br /><br />Wedding plans are going very well. I don't recommend a long engagement because it's a very large thing to have hanging over your head and it takes its toll after a while. But we're very much on schedule and the big day will be here before we know it. We just tackle one thing at a time and make one decision at a time while carefully planning ahead. I'm looking forward to the big day and celebrating all of our hard work and careful planning with our family and friends. Now that we're this far along I can finally picture it. I smile when I envision the day. Although I must admit I also smile at the thought of getting on that plane the day after and heading to Aruba because that means we had crossed the finish line and can relax haha. December will be "normal" I hope and then January we will begin the motions for buying our first home, which we hope to move into May/June, 2011.<br /><br />Obviously, we have a lot to look forward to and lots of "smaller" things in the interim. It's a busy, busy time with lots to do and lots to consider. Life is good right now. And I'm suddenly very glad I decided to write this update because I didn't necessarily feel that way this morning. There's been a lot of anxiety lately relating to a situation with our current apartment coupled with a little bit of family stress. I am now looking at a larger picture and those things suddenly don't seem so bad. <br /><br />Life is good right now. And I think that's why this blog is called Reflections. Because even if no one reads this, I feel better to have taken a moment to reflect.Jessica A. Walshhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08813007842584063423noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15758140.post-13177325272183391552010-04-06T21:23:00.001-04:002011-01-21T14:09:43.741-05:00My Bucket ListThere’s nothing like a bucket list to help you take stock of what you’ve done (like watch whales in the wild) and what you want to do (like tend to a garden). I’m not surprised to see that the majority of my list resonates with my favorite quote: “Everyone is trying to accomplish something big, not realizing that life is made up of little things.” I encourage everyone to create a bucket list, and reflect on it from time to time and actively pursue crossing some items off. After all, life is short. <br />Here are sixty things I’d like to do before I die:<br />1. Make a salad from ingredients picked solely from my own garden<br />2. Pay for someone else’s groceries and tell them to pay it forward when possible<br />3. Visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Orlando <br />4. Take my mom to Disney World<br />5. Visit Australia<br />6. Reach my goal weight of 150 pounds<br />7. Make a perfect soufflé<br />8. Read/nap in a field of flowers<br />9. Visit Portland, Oregon (and Voodoo Doughnuts) <br />10. Learn to knit <br />11. Take a road trip with Mike in his ’51 Buick<br />12. Eat wings with Mike in Buffalo, NY<br />13. Visit Hawaii and rent a surfboard, watch the sun set, watch the surfers at Waimea Bay<br />14. Help someone achieve an item on their bucket list<br />15. See the Northern Lights in person<br />16. Plant a tree and watch it grow as my children do<br />17. Race in a 5-k four times a year until I die<br />18. Write a memoir about my mom and have it published<br />19. Go on a picnic<br />20. Encourage people to write a bucket list<br />21. Visit Japan (Buddhist monasteries, see cherry blossoms, Tokyo)<br />22. Organize a softball game with friends<br />23. Get my Bachelors degree<br />24. Spend an entire weekend watching every Harry Potter movie back to back<br />25. Have a marvelous garden of fruits, flowers and vegetables<br />26. Climb a tree and read in it<br />27. Own a hammock. Use it all the time.<br />28. Learn how to whistle<br />29. Run on a beach during low tide<br />30. Read my child/children all the Harry Potter books<br />31. Stay at the Bed and Breakfast Angels by the Sea, with my mom <br />32. Teach children about gardening in my own garden, have weekend classes during the spring for neighborhood children and bake with ingredients from the garden. Most importantly, I must wear overalls. <br />33. Have a compost pile<br />34. Help to throw my mom a 5-year cancer survivor bash, and ten year, and fifteen year and so on<br />35. Play with baby monkeys, gorillas, chimps, whatever – preferably in the wild or at a sanctuary<br />36. Hang out with my brother Doug on a different continent<br />37. Go on a short vacation all by myself<br />38. See and feel the Pacific Ocean<br />39. Learn yoga so that I can practice independently<br />40. Spend a day in Central Park with Mike reading, talking, picnicing and playing catch<br />41. Go on a vacation with just my best friend<br />42. Sit in a tube and float down the DE River<br />43. Visit China. Eat real Chinese food and visit the Great Wall<br />44. Adopt a sick or unwanted dog<br />45. Stop smoking forever<br />46. Give up my seat more often on the train<br />47. Close a bar with Mike (like old times)<br />48. Eat lamb, duck, foie gras <br />49. Spend time traveling through New England in autumn<br />50. Visit Salem, MA in October<br />51. Go on a cruise around Alaska<br />52. Make love out doors and behind a waterfall<br />53. Visit Forks, WA and other areas around Olympic Peninsula<br />54. Run a race with my brother and sister-in-law<br />55. Collect seashells with a child<br />56. Wear skinny jeans<br />57. Get an outrageous 1950’s dress, have my hair and make-up done and have a photo shoot with Mike’s car<br />58. Own a home<br />59. See Pearl Jam live<br />60. Forgive a childhood friendJessica A. Walshhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08813007842584063423noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15758140.post-32303041419531799232010-02-16T10:31:00.009-05:002011-01-21T13:44:25.455-05:00My Current Events - an updateSo many things are happening that I thought it would be a good time for a general update. I also made my first pot roast and was so proud that I really wanted to share it. You may be thinking, "Pot roast? So what?" Well, pot roast is really out of my element and I found the braising sauce fun and involved. After the roast was finished cooking I thickened the sauce and used my immersion blender to incorporate all the elements and was very proud of the result. Accompaniments were mashed skin-on potatoes, roasted asparagus and pickled red cabbage. The plate was so beautiful that I regret not having taken a photo. But I will leave that up to my favorite cooking blog authors.<br /><br />I have really gotten into cooking again since the new year. I enjoy cooking immensely but found myself not doing it as often towards the end of 2009. It was a hectic time and I took shortcuts and ate out a lot and gained more weight than I care to confess. With the arrival of 2010 came a whole new approach to cooking. I wanted to try new things and eat more healthily. I am satiated by strong flavor, not quantity, so I continue to seek out new and flavorful ideas. Eating has become more sacred. When I am proud of what I've prepared, I have a tendency to eat more slowly and as a result, much less quantity. I've also found a new tool to assist me in my weight loss which has already shown results. This tool is working parallel with my desire to become a more advanced and experimental home cook. Great food and weight loss: a marriage made in heaven. <br /><br />I am thrilled to report that wedding plans are on schedule. I know I could not plan this wedding unless I was fond of organization and to-do lists. Meticulous organization is mandatory, I think. Wedding planning is also running parallel with weight loss. There are so many "deadlines" that it is easy to identify mini weight loss goals along the time line. I am trying on a sample dress March 20, taking engagement photos April 25, etc. This is an interesting time in my life. Some times I am able to pause and enjoy the moment but other times I just feel like every single thing I do is simply leading up to one day: the wedding. I don't like that. I don't want to lose nearly all of 2010 to planning. I try to enjoy each day and not look at the big picture, but the small one instead. I want to enjoy this year. Luckily, Mike and I have the most amazing friends and so far wedding planning has been fun and also a breeze (knock on wood) largely in part to our friends. <br /><br />So back to cooking! (This post is being written over several days hence the jumping.) Tonight on the menu we have a roasted red pepper sauce over pasta and scallops. Today is Wednesday now and I am fine with knowing I will go to the gym, shower, cook something new and different, eat with Mike, then prepare for tomorrow and watch the Olympics. I don't hold myself to very high expectations during the week. (I have since gone to the gym only to realize I had forgotten my gym bag at home, cooked, and eaten. The roasted red pepper pesto was very strong in flavor and delicious. The scallops were cooked nicely, not too long. Dinner was good. Pasta just gets so cold so fast. It is a common complaint of mine.)<br /><br />So lastly in my little update, I have decided to join a few of my co-workers in this year's Broad Street Run. They asked me, I considered it, and decided, "why not?". Amy, my colleague, has never raced either and we agree there is nothing wrong with starting big. (The Broad Street Run is a 10 mile race with 30,000 participants). I'll have friends with me and this is just another added incentive to help me meet my weight loss goals. The event is 10 weeks out so now is the time to start training. Gulp. My goal is to jog the entire 10 miles. That's it. It will be my biggest accomplishment in my entire life (so far). Success will most likely bring me to tears. It just seems like the right time. Maybe 2010 won't just be the year I got married after all.Jessica A. Walshhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08813007842584063423noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15758140.post-87206515582158715452009-12-23T13:04:00.006-05:002011-01-22T12:47:14.435-05:002009 - A reflectionLooking back, 2009 was far busier, fun, eventful and happier than most years in recent memory. Yet at the same time, 2009 was downright difficult. It was a year. I will say that. It started right off the bat with mom's cancer - a terrible blow to the positive feeling new years brings. We struggled with that for ten months. However, simultaneously a new friendship was budding and grew to great heights while mom's cancer shrank to nothing. 2009 will always be the year Mom got cancer, but also the year I found my best friend. <br /><br />And now I'm eager to leave the bad, grab tight to the good and march into 2010 with optimism and a clear plan. New Years is my most favorite time of the year I think. It's a clean slate - a time of hope and a golden opportunity for change. But before I embrace the new, I'd like to list some highlights of 2009 (in no particular order):<br /><br /> - "On a Boat" Thank you, Andy Samberg for the good times. 'Nuff said. <br /><br /> - Making Thanksgiving dinner with Mom (and not fighting once!). <br /><br /> - Closely watching new relationships form and getting to be a part of it. Seeing two great friends so happy together is awesome. <br /><br /> - July, 2009 Cape May Vacation with great friends. That was quite the hootenanny (to say the least). <br /><br /> - All the laughs, all the fun, all the drama, all the joys of having a best friend.<br /><br /> - May, 2009 trip out to Washington state and the San Juan islands with my brother and friend, Doug. The memory I have of us sitting on the cliffs at Lime Kiln Point watching Orcas in the wild will remain in my mind clear as a photo forever. <br /><br /> - Being tucked in every night for yet another year by my fiancee, my love, Mike - whom I look forward to spending every day of every year with for the rest of my life. <br /><br /> - Mom winning her ten month long fight against cancer. Go, Mom! I pray it doesn't rear its ugly head ever again. <br /><br /> - 4th Annual Oktoberfest party in honor of Mike's 30th Birthday - the best Oktoberfest to date!<br /><br /> - The cruise! That was awesome. <br /><br />Like I said, it was a great year. Here's to 2010. Cheers!Jessica A. Walshhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08813007842584063423noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15758140.post-76612937778023321092009-09-30T14:04:00.003-04:002009-09-30T14:18:24.941-04:00An End in Sight. Sort of......So I just found out that if I continue taking two courses a semester and one summer course, I will graduate County College with my second Associates in May, 2011. This is excellent news. And this is going to force me to have the wedding completely ready by the end of the summer so that I can continue with my two courses/semester right through the wedding. Hopefully I'll only miss one class each for the honeymoon. <br /><br />This also means that I will hopefully start at Rowan in Fall, 2011. But therein lies a little bit of a snag. We're hoping to move in June, 2011 - possibly to Pennsylvania. But alas, I will not let myself get worked up about it now. Instead, I will relish in the fact that I finally have an end in sight. And when people say, "so when do you finish up?" I'll actually have an answer.Jessica A. Walshhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08813007842584063423noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15758140.post-59705210167503856262009-05-22T09:37:00.003-04:002011-01-21T14:24:31.341-05:00My 26th YearIt's been a while since I've posted, but I thought this would be a perfect time to reflect on my 26th year with my turning 27 in just a few days. This was a big year in a lot of ways, both good and bad. It's the year I ran my first mile for one thing - something I consider a huge accomplishment. It's the year I got engaged - crazy. The year I read the Twilight series and fell in love with Edward Cullen. The year I made a new, and excellent friend, Jessica. But it's also the year the C word entered my life - Cancer.<br /><br />Overall, it's been a fine year; normal for the most part with the obvious exception of my mom falling victim to Inflammatory Breast Cancer. I tasted new foods, tried loads of new recipes with great thanks to my cousin, Jackie. I read more books, saw more movies. But for the most part everything stayed the same and I take great comfort in that. <br /><br />But I do feel older. Somehow it seems to me that someone who's 26 can still make mistakes and can still be immature at times because, well, they're still maturing. But 27 sounds so much more adult, like it entails more responsibility and accountability. But I think the cancer has also aged me. I guess you really start growing up the day you're faced head on with the realization that your parents won't be there forever - the day you realize, <span style="font-style:italic;">Oh My God, I've taken my mom for granted the past 25 and a half years! </span> That's the hardest part of growing up in my opinion. <br /><br />But it's unavoidable of course. So I look to my 27th year with great hope. I hope it will be the year I finally reach my goal weight, the year I run my first 5K, the year I see my Mom become a Survivor, the year I read more books and see more movies. It's going to start out great I know. With friends, a trip to the Olympic Peninsula with my brother Doug, and a vacation with friends in July. Bring it on.Jessica A. Walshhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08813007842584063423noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15758140.post-36559115566236883692009-03-09T11:05:00.002-04:002011-01-21T14:21:10.719-05:00A Brief UpdateSince my last post, my mother has gotten sick and school really picked up so those are my two excuses. <br /><br />In a nutshell, my mom was diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer in late January and had a radical mastectomy in early/mid February. She is currently recovering. We just found out on Thursday that there's a little bit of cancer left in only one of her lymph nodes which the doctor seems to think the Chemo will wipe out. She'll be starting chemo within a few weeks I think - she finds out today. <br /><br />School has been a lot of work. It's not bad at all, but it's a hell of a lot of reading and it took me a few weeks to find my stride. I have not opened a book for leisure since <span style="font-style:italic;">Geisha</span> and I look forward to the end of the semester to read a book for fun, preferably outside. <br /><br />Other than that, all is well. We had gorgeous weather over the weekend and I really enjoyed it.Jessica A. Walshhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08813007842584063423noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15758140.post-84521409565554762202009-01-23T15:44:00.003-05:002011-01-21T13:52:23.036-05:00Memoirs of a GeishaI finished reading <span style="font-style:italic;">Memoirs of a Geisha</span> by Arthur Golden last night. I am not going to review it since the novel was written over a decade ago. I'll just say that I loved it and that the story has earned its place in my top ten list of all-time favorite books. <br /><br />I also enjoyed the connection I felt to my brother Doug while reading the story - being as he is in Japan as I type and as I finished the second half of the book. That I can't explain - but reading about Kyoto and hearing that he planned to visit Kyoto just seemed "neat" to me.<br /><br />Overall, I tremendously enjoyed reading about Japanese tradition - the tying of Kimono, tea ceremony, the ways in which Japanese men and women communicated and built relationships. This is a subject I'd certainly like to learn a great deal more about. <br /><br />I found it mildly deflating, however, to hear that the author breached his contract with his main source of information, a Geisha from Gion who broke her code of silence to assist him in his research, and was ultimately sued by her for defamation of character. The terms were that he was not to release her name and to certainly not reveal she had assisted him. Well, he thanked her in the acknowledgments. D'oh! <br /><br />However, I am pleased that as a result of this lawsuit, Mineko Iwasaki, the Geisha who assisted Golden, decided to write her own memoir, and leave out the fiction that Golden built his story upon. After all, she was already receiving death threats for breaking the code of silence - why not go all out? <br /><br />So <span style="font-style:italic;">Geisha, a Life</span> is the next book on my list. I am saddened that my reading will come to a crawl now that school has started. So technically the next thing I will be reading is <span style="font-style:italic;">Gilgamesh</span>.<br /><br />Drinking tea imported from Japan out of my brand new <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tetsubin">tetsubin</a>, should make that more bearable though. (A Valentine's Day gift from Mike)Jessica A. Walshhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08813007842584063423noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15758140.post-41758261578751642752009-01-20T09:25:00.002-05:002009-01-20T09:33:33.313-05:00TendonitisThe pain in my arm prevented me from doing much of anything this weekend other than running a few errands, albeit in pain, and laying on the couch or in bed under a heating pad. I finally decided I'd go to the Dr. first thing Monday morning. <br /><br />The Dr. was almost certain I had severe Tendonitis, but for good measure insisted I go for an ultrasound to rule out the possibility of a blood clot. She gave me a prescription for an anti-inflammatory and sent me on my way. I got the ultrasound which was extremely painful because I had to keep my arm up over my head for an extended period of time and had trouble getting it back down from there. I took my first anti-inflammatory and felt better within the hour. I didn't hear from the Dr. so I can safely assume I don't have a blood clot.<br /><br />I feel completely back to normal today, but will continue to take the pills until I see the Dr. for a follow-up next Monday. She indicated I can continue going to the gym but that I shouldn't lift weights for a little while. Once I feel better I intend to strengthen my arms which should prevent the Tendonitis from returning. <br /><br />I really wish I had seen the Dr. a week ago - it would have saved me a lot of pain. But through all that pain, I remained cigarette-free. Today is day ten, people! Boo-yah!Jessica A. Walshhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08813007842584063423noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15758140.post-71203566761376236122009-01-18T19:18:00.003-05:002011-01-21T14:20:27.763-05:00Hahahahahahaha<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimLMt3FwjCZ6CSbX1U5OCldMGmmXxCzEkxbywL4ExQZjpYEuPGVMUqxbDbXP08nmfxgjNcCDG8GP0PTDw5L8zhCp3OayPX8lwl2XJMKsq_mmU2DgsOceCsbrK5mRvHAsoizJyhMA/s1600-h/mcnabb_home.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimLMt3FwjCZ6CSbX1U5OCldMGmmXxCzEkxbywL4ExQZjpYEuPGVMUqxbDbXP08nmfxgjNcCDG8GP0PTDw5L8zhCp3OayPX8lwl2XJMKsq_mmU2DgsOceCsbrK5mRvHAsoizJyhMA/s400/mcnabb_home.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5292792924295461282" /></a><br />I made this for Mike to taunt the guys at work with. Payback's a bitch.Jessica A. Walshhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08813007842584063423noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15758140.post-45809859443752674252009-01-15T10:35:00.003-05:002011-01-21T13:51:11.509-05:00The Hour I First BelievedI finished reading Wally Lamb's new book last night, <span style="font-style:italic;">The Hour I First Believed</span>. I thought the novel was fantastic, right up there with his previous two works, <span style="font-style:italic;">She's Come Undone</span> and <span style="font-style:italic;">I Know This Much is True</span>. <br /><br />Many people have waited a near decade for Lamb to publish another book and he did not disappoint. He actually took an historically tragic event, the Columbine school shootings, and centered an entire work of fiction around them while also incorporating 9/11, The Iraq War, and Katrina. Not a tragic event, but Barack Obama even makes a cameo appearance. Throughout the novel, evidence of the amount of research Lamb had done becomes clear and explains the lengthy gap between novels. The reader also gets an inside look on what is clearly Lamb's experiences from teaching creative writing to incarcerated women.<br /><br />In my opinion, Lamb is the master of character development. And I was thrilled that he journeyed back through history several generations to enhance this development similarly to that of which he did in <span style="font-style:italic;">I Know This Much is True.</span> By the way, keep a look-out for cameo appearances from some old friends. <br /><br />Lastly, Lamb noted in his afterword that one of the reasons for using Columbine and not a fictional school shooting was so that he had a platform to list the names of those who died and were injured in the attacks. It is clear that the tragic event shook Lamb deeply and the book really does resonate as a tribute in a carefully crafted way. I truly enjoyed reading it.Jessica A. Walshhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08813007842584063423noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15758140.post-46474504473908985192009-01-15T10:19:00.003-05:002009-01-15T10:35:18.521-05:00UpdateThanks to everyone who offered up their input and expertise on this half marathon thing. And thanks to my brother Doug for pointing out the obvious that I am not Kenyan and therefore cannot run 10.5 - 11.5 miles/hour and that I clearly meant to say I hope to run 10.5 - 11.5 minute miles. <br /><br />I'm feeling better. Today is my fifth day cigarette free and I don't feel as ill or temperamental. I'm feeling good.Jessica A. Walshhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08813007842584063423noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15758140.post-27141489258287041732009-01-13T11:20:00.003-05:002009-01-13T11:43:50.089-05:00The PlanI'm still really thinking about doing this half marathon May 3. I get bored easily and tend to lose interest in something if there's no carrot at the end of the stick. I developed my own little training plan for the gym and it's been challenging so far and I like it, but today I decided I should check out an actual half-marathon plan written by the pros.<br /><br />The first I found was way out of my league - and it was for a beginner. Their definition of a beginner was someone who could already easily jog five miles. I cannot do that. So I kept looking and found a plan for a slightly overweight middle-aged mother of two who likes to walk and jog. Bingo! This plan is designed for someone who will eventually run a half-marathon, but averaging between 10.5 and 11.5 miles/hour. And no, that is not walking speed, but jogging speed.<br /><br />So I checked it out and it makes sense to me. I understand the progression of difficulty and the overall goal. It's a 10-week plan ending with race day so I'd need to start training February 23. So now until then I plan to train for the training plan. I'd like to build up my endurance and start week 1 being able to achieve what is asked of me in week 1. For example, jog 3 ten minute intervals between 10:20 and 11:05 mph with 2 minute breaks in between. I can't do that yet.<br /><br />The way I've been trying to build up my endurance so far has been increasing my mph by one point every other time I jog and increasing my distance at that pace by .15 miles every time I jog. So I'm increasing my intensity and distance simultaneously. I think that's the way I'll continue until February 23 when I start the real plan. <br /><br />So far I'm in some sort of pain every night after I jog and sometimes the next day. My sciatica, my ankle, my right arm, my left shoulder. It's been something each time so far. But the pain in the ankles and sciatica has subsided since I started wearing new sneakers. But I'm no spring chicken so I'm gonna give it time - I really think these aches and pains will dwindle along with my weight.<br /><br />So that's the plan so far. I'm pretty excited. I think 2009 is my year to shine and damnit, I'm going to Washington in June looking good so God help me.Jessica A. Walshhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08813007842584063423noreply@blogger.com1