Reflections

Wide Open

2012-01-08T21:42:00.004-05:00

This is not a post about football. But this afternoon the NY Giants advanced to the second round of the Playoffs and this post is being carefully typed letter by painfully slow letter because I am beyond drunk. But I have something to say, despite all the back spacing.

This afternoon I met a genuinely kind man. I am a skeptical girl from New Jersey so I was not surprised to hear he was from Indianapolis. Hate me or not, kind people are few and far between in New Jersey. After he walked away another guy picked up on the conversation and initiated football chat. I say with full confidence I knew what I was talking about. As he walked away he commented to his friend that talking to me wanted to make him blow his brains out.

He was an incognito Falcons fan. I wanted to start some shit.

It took all my energy to not tell him it was time to blow his brains out after the humiliating blow we gave the Falcons.

This post is not about football. Seriously. I told my husband, Mike, about the awesome Indianapolis fan, and our friend Beater (Jay) visiting from PA. We bumped into him again and he invited us to a party for the Steelers game happening a mere 30 minutes later. We got his name, a vague address, somewhat familiar, and that was it.

I asked my husband if we could please go to the party and not surprisingly, he said no. So naturally, I started fighting for what I wanted, thinking that I know what is best for us.

For example, In Aruba, on our honeymoon I knew we should we leave the resort and see the country. Mike hmmmed and hawwwed and we had one argument on our honeymoon. He didn't want to leave the comforts of our resort and I didn't fly all that way to not leave the comforts of our resort. I was determined to go with or without him and eventually he gave in and thanked me for the best day of our honeymoon; adventure day.

Today was adventure day. In a bar less than a half mile from our house I convinced Mike that today is an impromptu adventure day. How often in New Jersey, of ALL PLACES, will you meet someone that obviously felt some sort of connection and welcomed you into their personal world, by inviting you to a party.

I want to travel. Reading more and more books about travel and humanity I realize you need to accept the kindness of strangers and believe there is good in this world. We are raised to be skeptics; I hate it. I so desperately want to break this barrier down and what better way than to do it with a man from Indianapolis, Peyton country for crying out loud! I fought for what I wanted. I wanted to prove a point that strangers can be kind and welcoming.

Drunkenly, I petitioned Mike and Beater to trust me. I swore no sicko could take all three of us on and that if the party was a bust we could leave. Immediately.

As we looked for the house we could not find the cross street and my heart sank. Was I really given a fake address? I refused to accept it so we went back again and when I saw the cross street I had a renewed faith in humanity.

Long story short, we had a spectacular time! We made new friends a mere mile from home, had a hundred laughs, and experienced trust in strangers. Numbers were exchanged, friends were made, and most importantly I haven't lost faith in strangers. I showed Mike that strangers aren't necessarily bad. We were welcomed into the home of a friend of a guy we met a bar mere hours earlier. We proved the stereotypes wrong - we had a blast and laughed until we cried.

This is the heart of being wide open.

2011: A Year in Review

2011-12-29T10:57:00.018-05:00

Another year, gone.

As I reflect back on 2011, I am forced to put my humility aside and declare that yes, 2011 was truly a banner year; one to be immensely proud of.

The year started slow and stressful with Mike and I immersed in the housing market coming off our wedding in late 2010. In the Spring I applied to school and began searching for a new job, ready to move on from my current position after 7 years. We found a house and began making preparations then things moved at lightning speed and feel as if they have only slowed down now, just in time for the start of a new year.

A quick and lovely birthday trip to North Carolina to visit with my brother in May kicked things off. Then we were consumed by moving preparations and finances until June when we closed on our house. Then it was two weeks of living in two places and working around the clock to prepare the new house for moving into. Once we moved in the work continued for two weeks until we went on our annual vacation to Cape May with great friends. Somewhere in there we braved a BBQ, which was just lunacy in hindsight, but hey, people wanted to see the house.

We worked hard through August and I participated in the race of my life early September, my biggest accomplishment to date, which you can read about here.

I started a new job three days later, September 14, and got accepted to Saint Joseph's University within the week. Of course by now I was begging Mike to be careful every time he stepped out of the house and calling my Mother just to tell her I love her certain that the shoe would drop at any second. This run of good fortune was leaving me skeptical and nervous.

We picked up the pace on the house again so that it would be ready for our "Annual Oktoberfest Party in Honor of Mike's Birthday". It came down to the wire. We finished painting the dining room hours before the table was delivered, exactly one week before the party. Our first big party in our own home went off without a hitch, if you exclude my having possibly been "over-excited". Nearly every one of our greatest friends plus many more were there and after that the house felt properly christened.

Another race in November and a quick two and a half day trip to Cape May with my Mom to cross something off her bucket list and an extremely busy social life brings us to the present. Mike and I went to New York, together, for the first time in our relationship. We got to see the Giants destroy the Jets live on Christmas Eve.

In summary, 2011 was the year we bought a house, I switched jobs, got accepted to University, and ran the race of my life, which I am happy to say I will be participating in again this July. It's the year I joined a writing group, my Mom's knees were replaced, my best friend got engaged, and I went to my very last Harry Potter film.

Now we're feeling tired and eager to bring in the new year alone in our house playing a new video game. I'll wake up January 1, 2012 and participate in a five mile race to start things off strong. 2012 will be a healthy and fun year now that there's no wedding to plan, house to buy or career move to work toward. This year will really be about Mike, myself, and the two of us together (with Cooper). We both have big plans for ourselves that have had to take a back seat and now we're eager to spend more energy focusing on ourselves.

Cheers.

Spartan Race Report - 9/10/11

2011-09-11T06:30:00.008-04:00

A few months ago my good friend, Rudy really stepped up his work outs and started working hard to lose weight and get fit. He picked a goal several months out, sort of a culmination of his training if you will, and that is the super challenging 12 mile Tough Mudder obstacle course race in November. His ambition quickly became contagious and others around him began working out and eating better, myself included.

Because I have raced a whopping two races I considered myself more experienced and suggested to Rudy he do a race in advance as sort of a dress rehearsal. He had already planned to and found something called the Spartan Sprint, a 3.5 mile obstacle course. Although I have no desire whatsoever to take on the Mudder, this Spartan thing sounded reasonable so I decided to sign on to show Rudy my support and have something to train for in the meantime.

We didn't have much to go on. The Spartan is a touring obstacle course style race. There are three levels, each varying distances, culminating with the Spartan Death Race which boasts a 10% completion rate. We were told the Sprint was around 3.5 miles, hilly, muddy and that there would be about a dozen obstacles. There was no course map, no description of the obstacles - pretty much nothing but a location and a date.

Two days prior to the event we received an email with some crucial information like our bib numbers, etc. Also included was a note from the Race Director saying that the course was shaping up nicely and is 4.5 miles, 2.5 of which is up the mountain. We then found out the the PA Spartan Sprint is the longest and hardest of the lowest tier of Spartans. And that was only the beginning.

We arrived yesterday at the race and were immediately intimidated. We said it several times yesterday and I will say it again; thank God we didn't know what we were getting ourselves into, because we most likely would not have shown up.

We talked to some folks, including a women who quit a quarter way through, and watched the top five finishers cross the finishing line. All we knew at this point was that no one was actually running up this mountain, and that as we approached the finish we had to jump over fire, climb a wall, throw a spear into a target and do burpees as punishment if we missed (think jump, squat into a push-up then stand back up thirty times). Lastly, we had to face three incredibly fit people dressed as Spartans with jousts who hit you as you passed. Fun.

Ironically, at the peak of the mountain we could see some movement. The people up there were as big as ants to us at the base and we wondered what was going on up there. Little did we know this would be our toughest obstacle or that I would collapse up there in a few hours.

We queued up at the Roman style pillars for our 12:00 heat start and did our best to amp ourselves up. Our Spartan host informed us we would be facing "dozens" of obstacles. Rudy and I looked at each other with wide eyes at the word "dozens". What the hell happened to a dozen? We were about to jog into the unknown.

Before we knew it we were off jogging into what would be 2+ hours of torture we would often exclaim we actually paid $100 for (including the mandatory insurance of course). I was in way over my head.

The incline kicked my ass five minutes in and I was hoofing it gasping in air. Most people were. And oh look, a wall. I hoisted myself up and over the first wall then crawled under a second then up and over again and under. By the third wall (about fifteen minutes in) I failed two attempts and a man asked if I needed help and yes, I asked him to "shove my ass over this thing".

The incline was torture. The obstacles were just uncalled for and mean. Rudy and I mostly stuck together 2/3 up the mountain (about 1/3 of the race). As if walking straight up a mountain isn't enough they threw in some tunnels for us to crawl through for fun, I'm sure. If that wasn't fun enough at least Rudy threw grass at me and I tried to knock him unsuccessfully into the side of the tunnel. When everyone is suffering it's best to make your own fun.

To emphasize how steep the incline was - two parts of our course upmountain (uphill does this no justice) were so steep that there were ropes to help us hoist ourselves up. Rocks we used as foot holds gave out and trees we used to grab on to bent. This was no hike in the woods. There were other obstacles on the uphill that my brain blocked out.

I wanted to quit fifteen minutes in to this hell and caught up to Rudy as he was resting a moment and told him so. I also told him we can no longer be friends. (This was his idea after all). He admitted the thought of quitting was crossing his mind as well and he would if I did. I don't recall this but Rudy said after this exchange I took off running so he did as well so I wouldn't get a lead on him. We didn't speak of quitting again out loud (although I know I thought it).

We parted ways about 2/3 up the mountain. I just couldn't keep up. The last third of the uphill was excruciating. People were dropping off to the sides every where and some were even vomiting. I developed the chills and began to shake. Every hair on my body stood. But I could still see Rudy up ahead and I knew I had to keep going. But I grew increasingly nervous over my current physical state and finally told a man suffering beside me how I felt. He said I wasn't getting enough oxygen and that I should put my hands over my head and take deep breaths. We stuck together a few more yards (which took minutes) and I finally sat. The view was incredible. I was so high up the mountain that I knew I was far beyond the point of quitting. The top of the mountain (and I knew water would be up there) was within sight. I continued onward taking baby steps leaning forward. It felt like hours, but I made it.

I expected a water station, but I faced a hell far worse. Immediately to our left was the double diamond ski slope. I was told I had to fill a five-gallon paint bucket half way (men had to fill theirs 3/4) with gravel and walk 50 yards down the incredibly steep double diamond slope then back up with my bucket. I exclaimed "where's the water!?!" and was told it was after I completed this obstacle.

The slope was so steep that our buckets prevented us from tumbling forward to our deaths (if we were lucky maybe the finish line). All we could do was lean sideways and take a few baby steps and drag our bucket to catch up. If you spilled your gravel you had to scoop it back in. As I started my journey down I saw Rudy on his way up. He was a sight for sore eyes to say the least and I managed one "Yeah Rudy!". I didn't see him again until the finish line.

I collapsed on the upside. I had already walked up a mountain. I couldn't walk 50 yards up a double diamond slope while carrying a 30 lb. bucket. People were dropping like flies, apologizing to the people behind them only for them to say "it's okay, I can't move anyway". Finally, like an angel sent from above, a girl beside me said, "on the count of three we walk 10 steps." She counted the ten steps aloud and then we dropped. We rested and started again while she counted aloud. We did this at least ten times and together we made it to the top. I have no idea who she is but I may not have made it without her.

To add insult to injury there was a massive wall between us and the water. I was physically incapable of getting over the wall so I went around it. A volunteer told me to drop and do 30 burpees. I uttered a simple "no" and I guess by the look on my face he knew to leave it alone.

Finally. Water. And back down. I was half way there. I knew at this point that Rudy faced whatever I was about to face and he did it so I could too. I didn't want to see him. I knew the only way I would see him was if he got hurt.

After the water I had to lift a cinder block on a pulley up 25 feet and let it down slowly. This was surprisingly easy and I completed the task without incident. Now for the downhill and more surprises.

The downhill was incredibly technical single track. I trained on trails so I could navigate fairly quickly so I managed to pass many people who stepped aside as they heard me coming. But there was no running. This was far too steep and far too muddy. Many, many times I got too much momentum and had to grab a tree to stop myself from crashing. We spent a lot of time on our asses sliding far too fast down rocky mud using our sneakers as a steering wheel. I was constantly brushing my ass to make sure my pants didn't rip open. (Rudy mentioned he saw his fair share of girl butt LOL!)

I slid my way down a trail and saw a sort of opening. I rised, and my heart sank. Another godforsaken obstacle. This one a 20 foot cargo net to climb up and over. I have a fear of heights, but even a greater fear of faulty manufacturing. But I knew I had to do it. I made it to the top and straddled the top bar and froze a little. It took me a minute or two to swing my other leg over but the volunteer on the ground was very encouraging and told me to take my time. When I finally swung my other leg over I felt like a winner. I conquered a fear. (Later on Rudy will say that he was concerned for me as he tackled the net knowing my fear of heights. And I will smile and say I made it up and over and conquered my fear.) Rudy actually climbed the net so damn fast that the same volunteer yelled at him to slow down!

More incredibly technical single track lay ahead and it became abundantly clear that we weren't navigating actual "trails" but ways down a mountain that were created just for this race. We had to push trees and branches aside and do our best not to break our ankles (or our necks). (Many ankles were actually broken.)

I once again emerged to a clearing and saw a series of three foot tall totem poles to hop across. I made my way up onto the first one and froze. The next one was pretty far away and I did not trust my muddy sneakers. I could not step across. I had to jump across. Instead I hopped down and again refused to do the penalty 30 burpees. Fuck that shit was my attitude at the time.

After this the trail went uphill again and I was again cursing the sadistic person who developed the course. Again I passed people taking breaks off to the side. I heard running water and continued ahead to the sound of "head first folks!". A MAKESHIFT WATERSLIDE!! I didn't go head first but I jumped down onto the massive make shift plastic tarp water slide and plunged into an icy cold mountain lake and it was incredibly refreshing! I swam 100 yards to the exit making small talk with a fellow Spartan about how this was by far the best obstacle. (Yes, they put a row of barrels in our path so that we'd have to go under water.)

Little did we know we weren't finished with water. We emerged again to some sort of lake (mountain drainage hole?). We were told to grab a rope that was tied to a cinder block. We had to drag it down a hill, through waist high water and back up. By this point I have no shame in admitting I was looking for female advantages. I asked if they were all the same and was told they were. I grabbed a rope and heard "Hey dude, give that to her!" Apparently the guy a few feet ahead grabbed a broken cinder block so it was a "6" instead of a complete figure "8", He sheepishly handed it off and I was grateful for the slight advantage. The uphill was, again, a bitch to say the least.

After that more trails and then a "lovely" series of three hills (think motocross) all with waist high muddy water in between. I ran all three nearly plunging face first as I hit the water in between. This was also a little fun in retrospect. Little did I know that the second hardest obstacle lay around the bend.

I was greeted by nasty, wet thick MUD and two foot high barbed wire; VERY REAL barbed wire that my tired ass had to army crawl under. I stepped up into the mud and nearly broke my knee because my foot sank about a foot and prying it out took great effort and great suction noises. It was all hands and knees and then strictly elbows and feet FOR OVER THIRTY YARDS!! We discovered as a group about half way through after our elbows and forearms were bloodied that rolling was far easier. We turned on our sides and rolled slowly, being very careful not to snag the barbed wire. (The wire was so low that Rudy had to ball his empty camelback up in his first.)

I rised, dizzy, to face another massive wall. This was the same height I was physically incapable of getting over the first time so proceeded around it and exclaimed, "are you fucking kidding me!" because I faced another thirty plus yards of barbed wire. I made my way slowly rolling under the wire trying not to kick anyone in the head and fighting the urge to vomit. The mud had rocks in it and smelled like fertilizer. I couldn't help but think of the scene in Shawshank Redemption when Andy climbed through the sewage pipe to freedom.

I made it through, and rised dizzy, but thankful not to see any obstacles. The mud was so thick that when I shaked my arms out I head a loud "SPLAT!" as the mud hit the ground. The mud definitely added several pounds and I was completely encased. But for the first time I heard life other than complaints or heavy breathing; I heard the finish. I knew only fire, a wall, a spear and Spartans with jousts lay ahead.

I rounded the corner and I was right. There lay the spear toss. Of course I missed the target and by now I knew Rudy was waiting for me at the finish and may have spotted me even encased shoulder to toes in mud. I did the freaking burpees. Well, ten of the thirty. (We knew most people missed the target because we had watched so many heats finish. Rudy, AMAZINGLY, hit the target and applause erupted around him. I'm fairly certain this felt almost as good as finishing.)

I ran toward the U-shaped fire blaze and the heat hit me like a ton of bricks. I froze right before I was supposed to jump. Before the flames was thick mud and the black smoke was so thick and I couldn't decipher the width. I backed up for another running start and took off again and damnit, I froze again. The simple truth is that I didn't trust my legs at this point.

I ran around the blaze and got hit with a high pressure fire hose as punishment. I welcomed it at this point because it took off some of the mud. The final wall lay ahead; a slanted 8 foot pyramid with a rope to hoist yourself up and over. I ran and jumped, grabbed the rope and pulled myself to the top. Before I could get a leg over I slipped and slided down. I took another running start, grabbed the rope like my life depended on it and this time I got a leg over. I slipped down hard and crashed into a pile of hay and took off for the finish praying the Spartans took mercy on me.

By this point I was near tears from a mixture of exhaustion and accomplishment and the Spartans must have seen it in my face because one ever so gently tapped me in the belly and one tapped me in the back and they both whispered, "good job, honey". I crossed the finish to the sound of Rudy's cheers. Someone put my medal around my neck and I made my way to the water, shaking; shaking from fear I didn't have time to experience, adrenaline, accomplishment, muscle exhaustion, so many things. I did it.

I am Spartan. Rudy is Spartan. We are both incredibly proud.

*I ran the course in 2 hours, 15 minutes. Rudy ran the course in 2 hours, 3 minutes. I placed 36th out of 76 women in my heat and beat 58 men in my heat. Rudy placed 75th out of 156 men in our heat and 99th out of 232 overall in our heat. We both placed in the upper 50th percentile of our sexes. Will we do it again? I think we could convince one another of that.

Rainy Sunday Gratitude

2011-08-14T09:12:00.003-04:00

I awoke this morning with an overwhelming sense of gratitude. Gratitude for the steady rain, gratitude for the eleven hours of sleep I so desperately needed, and gratitude toward the snoozing little black dog pressed against my thigh for letting me have it.

Rainy Sundays are few and far between. They are also one of my favorite things. Blessedly, we have no plans today so therefore no obligation; a full day of anything we please with no pressure to do anything at all. Rainy Sundays induce in me a sense of thoughtfulness and reflection with a hint of creativity. My mind feels peaceful, a feeling I am sad to say is long overdue. I am absolutely relishing in the peace of my mind.

My mom asked me yesterday if our new house felt like home to me yet and I answered her, "no, not yet". I explained I wasn't sleeping well and hadn't settled in to doing all the things I enjoy yet. Ironically of course, this morning I feel more at home. It was nice to wake up to the silence of the house, knowing I could be alone for maybe an hour or two. I cleaned up the last remnants of my parents visit yesterday, made my latte with cinnamon sugar and now here I sit; almost dead center between the two massive windows that overlook our front yard on the left and our back yard on the right. The rain flicks the leaves of our dogwood tree and puddles on our porch. I can do anything I want.

Posted to criscipline.blogspot.com 9:32 am 8/14

My Gratitude and Farewell to Harry Potter

2011-07-08T10:49:00.009-04:00

Thursday evening I will attend my last ever Harry Potter midnight premiere.

That sentence alone leaves me feeling quite sad. Therefore I find it's only appropriate that I add my token of farewell and thanks to the ever-growing list of sentiments, and chronicle my personal story with the boy-wizard who stole my heart and the hearts of so many.

NOTE: Half Blood Prince spoilers ahead. If you've read the book, seen the movie, or don't care, proceed.

Harry Potter and the magical world of J.K. Rowling's creation came into my life late. Three books and one movie were already out. In fact, at first I rejected Harry Potter entirely. A boyfriend and I were very ill and had rented some dvds, including Sorcerer's Stone. I don't know if it was the illness or what, but we turned it off half way through.

Fast forward a year or two and I found myself in a deserted beach town mid-winter with no book. After searching everywhere for an open book store I was forced to concede and pull into a Wal-Mart. The measly half-aisle of selection yielded Romance novels, a few best sellers I had no interest in whatsoever, and Harry Potter. Many, many copies of Harry Potter. Out of a combination of desperation and the desire to keep up with pop culture (the buzz was palpable), I bought my first Harry Potter book.

I was instantly hooked.

The best thing about starting late was that I didn't have to wait for the next two books to be published. I feverishly consumed the first three and watched the two movies that were out, which I adored by the way. And then I waited. (Side note: I had a great fear of flying for a time and was headed out to Seattle. I managed to control my fear by the belief that God would not take me before I found out how Harry Potter ended. I felt strongly about this and took great comfort in it.)

Prisoner of Azkaban (Year 3) was the first movie to come out after I was hooked. My intention was to go to the midnight premiere, and every midnight premiere after that, lamenting the fact that I had missed the first two. I will never forget my first Harry Potter midnight premiere, but not for the reasons you may think.

My boyfriend at the time, whom I was obsessively and madly in love with, dumped me the evening of the premiere. This is entirely true. This break-up took a while, largely on my part (no need to tell this embarrassing tale). Lets just say it was rather late when I finally got the message. As I walked to my car desperately trying to maintain some semblance of dignity, the horrible man asked me if I would be okay and "where are you going"? I wiped my tears, turned toward him and said, "I am going to Harry Potter. I am not letting you ruin this for me." Then I turned and got into my car and drove to the theater for my first premiere. I was immensely proud of myself and grateful to Harry who was able to salve my heartache for several hours.

The fanfare of midnight premieres is great fun. There are costumes, HP theory debates prior to previews, and at the first note of that beloved intro music there is rapturous applause. The movie was brilliant, as Ron would say.

My memory of the book release of Year 4 is fuzzy. However, I recall very clearly marking my calendar for the book release of Year 5 and even getting one of those little widget count down things on my desktop for every movie and book afterward. I planned a personal day for Year 5. It came out in July. Although I lived in Philadelphia I clearly recall purchasing the book the morning after it came out (I had no interest in midnight book premieres) at the Menlo Park Mall Barnes and Noble so that I could immediately go to my favorite beach in Spring Lake, NJ. I made a day of it and it was very special.

By this time my Mom was enjoying Harry Potter too. I was so into it that I actually lamented to her how much I wished I had someone to share theories with. She went out and got the books and started reading them. I had picked her up Year 5 when I got mine. Later that day we went to a nearby dock and read quietly together. Once my Mom got into it I took her to each movie as soon as our schedules would allow once they came out (and always looked forward to experiencing each movie a second time with her).

The movie release for Goblet of Fire (Year 4) is also hazy, which I regret because I was dating my now-husband. I will have to check my ticket stubs to find out if this was his first Harry Potter movie in the theaters. I was still living in Philadelphia and we had a long-distant relationship so this would have been difficult. I know we had watched the first three together when we started dating. In fact, he bought me the third movie as a gift when it came out on DVD. I do clearly remember this. He always supported my love of Harry Potter, which is why we kept dating. ;-)

I am certain, however, that we went to Order of the Phoenix (Year 5) together at midnight. I missed the midnight premiere of Half Blood Prince (Year 6), but this was a very special year nevertheless. Mike, my husband who I was still only dating, and I were on vacation with dear friends and could not find a theater nearby with a midnight showing so everyone agreed to tag along the next afternoon even though most of them had never seen any movies prior to it. We went to the most dilapidated theater I have ever set foot in on the boardwalk in Wildwood, NJ. The arm rests were missing leaving rusted jagged strips of metal and your feet stuck to the floor. I recall my friend Knarr yelling "No horseplay!' at some excited kids running down the center aisle. Rudy faked a sneeze and dumped half his popcorn on Mike's head. We were a motley bunch and I am pretty certain they all tagged along out of kindness and to share in my excitement. Later, Dani confused her summer blockbusters and asked me if Dumblebee was really dead. I am happy to report though that since then Rudy has become a fan.

I was living with Mike when the Half Blood Prince book came out. By this point avoiding spoilers was nearly impossible and took great effort. I somberly cried at the death of beloved Dumbledore, and felt a sense of loneliness and fear. Afterall, who would lead us and give us the secrets of Voldemort's defeat? He was our hope, our light.

I walked into the living room, tears streaming, and asked Mike to hold me. He asked what was wrong. "I can't tell you," I sobbed. I'm pretty sure he laughed at me. He should have thanked me for not ruining the movies for him haha.

I bought the final book with a sense of sadness, knowing it was the end. The story ends magnificently, as I knew it would. The magical world Rowling has created for us lives on in our hearts. But I knew at the time that the real "this is the end" sadness was staved by the fact that there were more movies yet to be released. The news that Deathly Hallows would be split into two movies was ecstatically welcomed as a huge bonus. Part 1 was outstanding (and may very well be my favorite one yet). But now, much like Harry, we are very much coming face to face with the end. This saddens me.

Thankfully, J.K. Rowling in her infinite brilliance and compassion has given her fans Pottermore, e-books which will provide over 18,000 words of additional content including background details and settings. And there is more to look forward to. My best friend, Jess is FINALLY reading the books and we will watch the movies together, beginning with Sorcerer's stone Monday night.

And of course there will be the tremendous joy of visiting the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Orlando, FL. And lets not forget the best thing; sharing this world with my children whom I eagerly await to read to.

J.K. Rowling and all of the actors in the movies brought such joy into my life. If there was no Harry Potter I would not know the difference, I know. But the joy it has brought me is tangible and can be measured. Every single Harry Potter Weekend on ABC Family excites me. That first musical note of John William's brilliant introduction brings a smile to my face. The books, the movies, the hype, the fans - it's all wonderful and so positive.

And best of all, it will live on. Thank you, J.K. Rowling.

Posted to criscipline.blogspot.com 7/8/11

The Trunk at the Foot of my Bed

2011-04-18T10:50:00.010-04:00

At the foot of my bed sits a trunk. It has sat at the foot of my bed, wherever that bed may have been, for the past fourteen years. In this trunk sits my memories.

This past weekend I tackled the arduous task of sorting through my memories. I feared opening that lid would be similar to that of Pandora's box. I worried that lifting the hefty stack of journals strewn across the bottom would result in my sitting back against the trunk, opening, reading, remembering. I envisioned laughing at my 12 year old self and her professions of love to boys I can't place, even after reading my own painstakingly detailed descriptions. I would cry for my fourteen year old self living too far from home in a cold condominium. I would resent my sixteen year old self for her cruelty to her mother. And I would fear for my twenty year old self and what lay before her in the coming year. Lastly, my breath would catch at all the thousands of memories I've since forgotten hidden amongst those pages. And I would inevitably alternate rage with tears.

There was just no need to face any of this. Not now.

So I approached the trunk with ambivalence, but also a sense of purpose. I flipped the pages of a random journal, my foreign handwriting looking insecure, as if it was only whispering its thoughts. I picked up another and read the inside cover and couldn't refrain from whispering a hurtful "fuck you" to the person whose left hand wrote the inscription. My penmanship in this journal was harsh, angry; like the straight edges of the words themselves could cut the reader. I didn't allow my eyes to form sentences, I only flipped the pages. I crossed the room to my end table to pick up my current journal. The hand writing is sloppy, rushed, but purposeful. My handwriting over the years tells a story in itself.

Journals stacked on the side, I lifted my baby blanket and found a large collection of papers sealed with twine in a plastic folder. With a sigh and a smile, I sat. For in that folder were my writings. Stories, poems, letters; it was all in there, even a few drawings. I don't have the heart to get rid of a single yellowed page, even though I understand it's just the musings of a young girl. I like to think one day a child of mine will stumble upon this folder, perhaps in an attic, and will get to see a side of their mother they didn't know.

Also crushed near the bottom was my brother's wide brim Bushmaster hat he gave me a week after my thirteenth birthday. Actually, to say he gave it to me is a lie. He told me I ruined it and should just keep it. You see, I wore it in the pouring rain while sitting on the beach watching he and his friends surf and the brim got all droopy. I wrote a story about that hat and the day for English class. It's in the folder of course with a large "A" adorning the top.

I sorted everything I kept from Mike and spent the most time looking at the letters, cards, ticket stubs, show flyers, as I knew they would bring me no hurt. I sorted notes and cards from my mother into a separate pile as these are equally important artifacts.

I was relieved to see evidence that I undertook this task sometime in the not so distant past as the most difficult sentiments (including those from past loves) were already condensed to a few special items, mainly for the simple sake of remembering. I recall I did this soon after Mike and I became engaged. It was clearly the time to let go so that's what I did.

Other random items include the brown and white plaid apron my childhood self wore as I waitressed my play food, my puffy painted name still intact; my sister-in-law's garter, which I caught the day she and my brother were married; my favorite pocketbook, worn beyond repair, which Mike affectionately referred to as my bag of death; a yellowed album of every card I received for my first birthday, now permanently stuck to its backing. I think of my Mom and how she was once the kind of mother who was organized and made this album. I believe it is the last of its kind.

And the pictures! My God, the pictures: the remnants of my mother and father's wedding album, the plastic sheets slashed by the razor my mom took to its pages. Boxes upon boxes of our childhood photos I believe I may have stole from my mother's basement in an effort to salvage history. All this and more lays within the trunk at the foot of my bed.

Everything is now safely tucked back inside, minus the few collectibles I have decided to sell. I completed the task unscathed, except for the persistent question growing in my mind of why I choose to keep this somewhat random sampling of my life.

I am reminded that the Buddhists believe a truly happy man is a man who can lose every possession, yet still be a happy man. I can part with possessions easily, but I don't view the contents of my trunk as possessions, but strictly memories that happen to exist in tangible form. Memory triggers?

At any rate, the contents of my trunk hold my story. I don't know what is in store for me, but I do not intend to stop valuing my experiences and relationships and therefore, the contents of this trunk which sits at the foot of my bed will grow. I only hope to be well thought of enough when I've gone, that at least one person will not view my trunk as a storage box, but as a treasure chest instead.

Posted to criscipline.blogspot.com 4/18/11

Insomnia at 3:33

2011-03-12T03:32:00.002-05:00

In an attempt to stifle my incessant worrying I take to pondering the question of nightmares vs. insomnia. It's been five nights of nightmares now. In one, I lost my brother's dog in a park. But mostly, I just end up without a place to live.

Tonight, sleep won't come for me.

I roll over yet again and the time of 3:33 mocks me. You don't make wishes on obnoxious numbers. My thoughts shift to drink vs. Nyquil? It is Friday. A Friday night in which I was asleep by 10:00 in order to put a period on the end of this day of worrying about where to live. Little did I know that period was an ellipsis. For here I am yet again.

I have decided. Nightmares. Definitely. Because after all, insomnia is a nightmare when you can't escape your thoughts.

A Renewed Interest in Words

2011-01-21T11:48:00.005-05:00

Two years ago I took a creative writing course hoping it would stir up my latent desire to write. I wanted to be forced to write, figuring it would get me back in the habit of things. I did some writing which I was proud of as a result of the course, but then I stopped again once it ended.

A couple of weeks ago I needed to choose my words quite carefully in a letter. I wrote again, and damn it felt good. Since that day words have been coming to me on my evening walks through deserted fields with my dog, Cooper. I think the quiet darkness is quite conducive to creative thinking. Ideas and words come during the other quiet darkness as well, when I'm just about to doze off. But now instead of silencing those thoughts, I listen, and scribble them in my journal which has resumed its post on my bedside table. In this short span of two weeks I find I've been able to make just a little more sense of things. Writing allows me the chance to reflect just that much more, to grab just a few of the thousands of fleeting thoughts that saunter by on any given day, and to confide in myself my own personal thoughts. Personal writing is mainly what I have been doing so far. I've learned through writing I no longer need to carry with me the thoughts I am hesitant to express verbally or confide in others.

Writing takes time. I love cooking so I make time for it. I don't love exercising, but I know it's important so I make time for it. I will make time for writing now. Because not only do I really enjoy it, but it helps to provide me with mental well being and a positive outlet. When it's time to write and I got nothing, I will spend some time reading my writing books I purchased when I was certain I would be a best selling author (the books are quite dated needless to say).

I cannot say how often I will write in this blog, although I do hope it is a little less sporadic. If my writing remains personal, well then it will remain private. I'm not going into writing this time with an idea or specific goal of writing a book. I'm going into this for the sake of writing this time.

However, you will see I've done a little updating to the design and added labels. I haven't gone back to add labels to every post yet. Damn, I wrote a lot of crap back when I started this thing! It's been both fun and embarrassing reading backwards. I look forward to choosing my words more carefully and honing my craft.

2010 - Year in Review

2010-12-31T09:18:00.005-05:00

I just finished reading my 2009 Year in Review and am so glad I started this tradition of annual reflection. 2009 was a really great year and I enjoy being able to revisit it, in my own words.

I love this time of year, which brings about an end but also a new beginning. Often it brings a sense of relief, renewed effort, and big plans. I have big plans for 2011 and lofty goals. But one cannot move forward without first putting to bed the past.

2010 was a challenging year. I can truthfully say I felt great anxiety nearly every day of the year. I woke up January 1 with the usual drive and sense of renewed effort this day typically brings. I hit the ground running full speed ahead making big plans and trying to live healthfully. Unfortunately, none of this was exactly for me, but for my wedding. 2010 will forever be in my mind "2010: The Year of the Wedding". It was the Big Foot of my life, forever in sight, constantly glaring down at me. I worried for ten months straight about everything a wedding makes any bride worry about. It is cliche, but it is very real.

And it overshadowed everything.

However, it was all worth it. Our wedding was perfect. And the ten months of stress and anxiety just melted away, as the sun is melting the snow outside as I type. Looking back, 2010 feels almost like a sacrificial year. I gave a year to something that was important to me; that I wanted done right and on my terms. But now, I'm excited to move forward onto the next big thing (and re-instate Oktoberfest!).

Before I do that though, I want to thank our friends, parents and my brothers and sister-in-law. It is all of you that got us through 2010, and made the wedding so perfect. The wedding may have overshadowed the entire year but all of you made parts of it great fun. The Shower, the dress fitting get-togethers, the casual dinners at our place, the great laughter. Thank you. We love you.

I hope that next year will be "2011: The Year of the Home". Yes, Mike and I are planning to buy a home this Spring. I don't know what to expect. All we can do is educate ourselves and prepare best we can. I'm excited and optimistic and very much looking forward to doing things for us, not for an event. There's a sense of freedom that comes with getting past the wedding. My husband and I are now free to move about. Pun intended.

As I wrap things up, I cannot believe I almost forgot to mention that 2010 was also the year of the dog. I don't know if that's true in a Chinese Zodiac sense, but it was for us. 2010 is the year Cooper came into our lives and we can't imagine life without him. I think I'll go take a nap with him now.

Clearing Dust off the Blog - a brief update

2010-07-23T10:13:00.003-04:00

Since joining Facebook I find there is little need to update this blog since it's main purpose is to keep distant friends and family updated on comings and goings. However, I thought this would be a good time to blow off the proverbial dust and write some sort of update.

Mike and I had a great vacation with friends in Cape May early July and have gotten all of the drinking, eating and partying out of our system. We returned home and hit the ground running with wedding planning. I've also renewed my weight loss efforts. I've been working hard since February in this area but thought a renewal would be in order, particularly after a gluttonous vacation. I am pleased to report I am off to a great start. I get excited over these efforts because they usually mean I'll be cooking new things and experimenting a bit more and most likely trying a new physical activity. Someone told me they admired my determination this morning, but I had to reply that it's really just intense desperation masked as determination. My wedding dress doesn't fit so do I have much of a choice?

Wedding plans are going very well. I don't recommend a long engagement because it's a very large thing to have hanging over your head and it takes its toll after a while. But we're very much on schedule and the big day will be here before we know it. We just tackle one thing at a time and make one decision at a time while carefully planning ahead. I'm looking forward to the big day and celebrating all of our hard work and careful planning with our family and friends. Now that we're this far along I can finally picture it. I smile when I envision the day. Although I must admit I also smile at the thought of getting on that plane the day after and heading to Aruba because that means we had crossed the finish line and can relax haha. December will be "normal" I hope and then January we will begin the motions for buying our first home, which we hope to move into May/June, 2011.

Obviously, we have a lot to look forward to and lots of "smaller" things in the interim. It's a busy, busy time with lots to do and lots to consider. Life is good right now. And I'm suddenly very glad I decided to write this update because I didn't necessarily feel that way this morning. There's been a lot of anxiety lately relating to a situation with our current apartment coupled with a little bit of family stress. I am now looking at a larger picture and those things suddenly don't seem so bad.

Life is good right now. And I think that's why this blog is called Reflections. Because even if no one reads this, I feel better to have taken a moment to reflect.

My Bucket List

2010-04-06T21:23:00.001-04:00

There’s nothing like a bucket list to help you take stock of what you’ve done (like watch whales in the wild) and what you want to do (like tend to a garden). I’m not surprised to see that the majority of my list resonates with my favorite quote: “Everyone is trying to accomplish something big, not realizing that life is made up of little things.” I encourage everyone to create a bucket list, and reflect on it from time to time and actively pursue crossing some items off. After all, life is short.
Here are sixty things I’d like to do before I die:
1. Make a salad from ingredients picked solely from my own garden
2. Pay for someone else’s groceries and tell them to pay it forward when possible
3. Visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Orlando
4. Take my mom to Disney World
5. Visit Australia
6. Reach my goal weight of 150 pounds
7. Make a perfect soufflé
8. Read/nap in a field of flowers
9. Visit Portland, Oregon (and Voodoo Doughnuts)
10. Learn to knit
11. Take a road trip with Mike in his ’51 Buick
12. Eat wings with Mike in Buffalo, NY
13. Visit Hawaii and rent a surfboard, watch the sun set, watch the surfers at Waimea Bay
14. Help someone achieve an item on their bucket list
15. See the Northern Lights in person
16. Plant a tree and watch it grow as my children do
17. Race in a 5-k four times a year until I die
18. Write a memoir about my mom and have it published
19. Go on a picnic
20. Encourage people to write a bucket list
21. Visit Japan (Buddhist monasteries, see cherry blossoms, Tokyo)
22. Organize a softball game with friends
23. Get my Bachelors degree
24. Spend an entire weekend watching every Harry Potter movie back to back
25. Have a marvelous garden of fruits, flowers and vegetables
26. Climb a tree and read in it
27. Own a hammock. Use it all the time.
28. Learn how to whistle
29. Run on a beach during low tide
30. Read my child/children all the Harry Potter books
31. Stay at the Bed and Breakfast Angels by the Sea, with my mom
32. Teach children about gardening in my own garden, have weekend classes during the spring for neighborhood children and bake with ingredients from the garden. Most importantly, I must wear overalls.
33. Have a compost pile
34. Help to throw my mom a 5-year cancer survivor bash, and ten year, and fifteen year and so on
35. Play with baby monkeys, gorillas, chimps, whatever – preferably in the wild or at a sanctuary
36. Hang out with my brother Doug on a different continent
37. Go on a short vacation all by myself
38. See and feel the Pacific Ocean
39. Learn yoga so that I can practice independently
40. Spend a day in Central Park with Mike reading, talking, picnicing and playing catch
41. Go on a vacation with just my best friend
42. Sit in a tube and float down the DE River
43. Visit China. Eat real Chinese food and visit the Great Wall
44. Adopt a sick or unwanted dog
45. Stop smoking forever
46. Give up my seat more often on the train
47. Close a bar with Mike (like old times)
48. Eat lamb, duck, foie gras
49. Spend time traveling through New England in autumn
50. Visit Salem, MA in October
51. Go on a cruise around Alaska
52. Make love out doors and behind a waterfall
53. Visit Forks, WA and other areas around Olympic Peninsula
54. Run a race with my brother and sister-in-law
55. Collect seashells with a child
56. Wear skinny jeans
57. Get an outrageous 1950’s dress, have my hair and make-up done and have a photo shoot with Mike’s car
58. Own a home
59. See Pearl Jam live
60. Forgive a childhood friend

My Current Events - an update

2010-02-16T10:31:00.009-05:00

So many things are happening that I thought it would be a good time for a general update. I also made my first pot roast and was so proud that I really wanted to share it. You may be thinking, "Pot roast? So what?" Well, pot roast is really out of my element and I found the braising sauce fun and involved. After the roast was finished cooking I thickened the sauce and used my immersion blender to incorporate all the elements and was very proud of the result. Accompaniments were mashed skin-on potatoes, roasted asparagus and pickled red cabbage. The plate was so beautiful that I regret not having taken a photo. But I will leave that up to my favorite cooking blog authors.

I have really gotten into cooking again since the new year. I enjoy cooking immensely but found myself not doing it as often towards the end of 2009. It was a hectic time and I took shortcuts and ate out a lot and gained more weight than I care to confess. With the arrival of 2010 came a whole new approach to cooking. I wanted to try new things and eat more healthily. I am satiated by strong flavor, not quantity, so I continue to seek out new and flavorful ideas. Eating has become more sacred. When I am proud of what I've prepared, I have a tendency to eat more slowly and as a result, much less quantity. I've also found a new tool to assist me in my weight loss which has already shown results. This tool is working parallel with my desire to become a more advanced and experimental home cook. Great food and weight loss: a marriage made in heaven.

I am thrilled to report that wedding plans are on schedule. I know I could not plan this wedding unless I was fond of organization and to-do lists. Meticulous organization is mandatory, I think. Wedding planning is also running parallel with weight loss. There are so many "deadlines" that it is easy to identify mini weight loss goals along the time line. I am trying on a sample dress March 20, taking engagement photos April 25, etc. This is an interesting time in my life. Some times I am able to pause and enjoy the moment but other times I just feel like every single thing I do is simply leading up to one day: the wedding. I don't like that. I don't want to lose nearly all of 2010 to planning. I try to enjoy each day and not look at the big picture, but the small one instead. I want to enjoy this year. Luckily, Mike and I have the most amazing friends and so far wedding planning has been fun and also a breeze (knock on wood) largely in part to our friends.

So back to cooking! (This post is being written over several days hence the jumping.) Tonight on the menu we have a roasted red pepper sauce over pasta and scallops. Today is Wednesday now and I am fine with knowing I will go to the gym, shower, cook something new and different, eat with Mike, then prepare for tomorrow and watch the Olympics. I don't hold myself to very high expectations during the week. (I have since gone to the gym only to realize I had forgotten my gym bag at home, cooked, and eaten. The roasted red pepper pesto was very strong in flavor and delicious. The scallops were cooked nicely, not too long. Dinner was good. Pasta just gets so cold so fast. It is a common complaint of mine.)

So lastly in my little update, I have decided to join a few of my co-workers in this year's Broad Street Run. They asked me, I considered it, and decided, "why not?". Amy, my colleague, has never raced either and we agree there is nothing wrong with starting big. (The Broad Street Run is a 10 mile race with 30,000 participants). I'll have friends with me and this is just another added incentive to help me meet my weight loss goals. The event is 10 weeks out so now is the time to start training. Gulp. My goal is to jog the entire 10 miles. That's it. It will be my biggest accomplishment in my entire life (so far). Success will most likely bring me to tears. It just seems like the right time. Maybe 2010 won't just be the year I got married after all.

2009 - A reflection

2009-12-23T13:04:00.006-05:00

Looking back, 2009 was far busier, fun, eventful and happier than most years in recent memory. Yet at the same time, 2009 was downright difficult. It was a year. I will say that. It started right off the bat with mom's cancer - a terrible blow to the positive feeling new years brings. We struggled with that for ten months. However, simultaneously a new friendship was budding and grew to great heights while mom's cancer shrank to nothing. 2009 will always be the year Mom got cancer, but also the year I found my best friend.

And now I'm eager to leave the bad, grab tight to the good and march into 2010 with optimism and a clear plan. New Years is my most favorite time of the year I think. It's a clean slate - a time of hope and a golden opportunity for change. But before I embrace the new, I'd like to list some highlights of 2009 (in no particular order):

- "On a Boat" Thank you, Andy Samberg for the good times. 'Nuff said.

- Making Thanksgiving dinner with Mom (and not fighting once!).

- Closely watching new relationships form and getting to be a part of it. Seeing two great friends so happy together is awesome.

- July, 2009 Cape May Vacation with great friends. That was quite the hootenanny (to say the least).

- All the laughs, all the fun, all the drama, all the joys of having a best friend.

- May, 2009 trip out to Washington state and the San Juan islands with my brother and friend, Doug. The memory I have of us sitting on the cliffs at Lime Kiln Point watching Orcas in the wild will remain in my mind clear as a photo forever.

- Being tucked in every night for yet another year by my fiancee, my love, Mike - whom I look forward to spending every day of every year with for the rest of my life.

- Mom winning her ten month long fight against cancer. Go, Mom! I pray it doesn't rear its ugly head ever again.

- 4th Annual Oktoberfest party in honor of Mike's 30th Birthday - the best Oktoberfest to date!

- The cruise! That was awesome.

Like I said, it was a great year. Here's to 2010. Cheers!

An End in Sight. Sort of......

2009-09-30T14:04:00.003-04:00

So I just found out that if I continue taking two courses a semester and one summer course, I will graduate County College with my second Associates in May, 2011. This is excellent news. And this is going to force me to have the wedding completely ready by the end of the summer so that I can continue with my two courses/semester right through the wedding. Hopefully I'll only miss one class each for the honeymoon.

This also means that I will hopefully start at Rowan in Fall, 2011. But therein lies a little bit of a snag. We're hoping to move in June, 2011 - possibly to Pennsylvania. But alas, I will not let myself get worked up about it now. Instead, I will relish in the fact that I finally have an end in sight. And when people say, "so when do you finish up?" I'll actually have an answer.

My 26th Year

2009-05-22T09:37:00.003-04:00

It's been a while since I've posted, but I thought this would be a perfect time to reflect on my 26th year with my turning 27 in just a few days. This was a big year in a lot of ways, both good and bad. It's the year I ran my first mile for one thing - something I consider a huge accomplishment. It's the year I got engaged - crazy. The year I read the Twilight series and fell in love with Edward Cullen. The year I made a new, and excellent friend, Jessica. But it's also the year the C word entered my life - Cancer.

Overall, it's been a fine year; normal for the most part with the obvious exception of my mom falling victim to Inflammatory Breast Cancer. I tasted new foods, tried loads of new recipes with great thanks to my cousin, Jackie. I read more books, saw more movies. But for the most part everything stayed the same and I take great comfort in that.

But I do feel older. Somehow it seems to me that someone who's 26 can still make mistakes and can still be immature at times because, well, they're still maturing. But 27 sounds so much more adult, like it entails more responsibility and accountability. But I think the cancer has also aged me. I guess you really start growing up the day you're faced head on with the realization that your parents won't be there forever - the day you realize, Oh My God, I've taken my mom for granted the past 25 and a half years! That's the hardest part of growing up in my opinion.

But it's unavoidable of course. So I look to my 27th year with great hope. I hope it will be the year I finally reach my goal weight, the year I run my first 5K, the year I see my Mom become a Survivor, the year I read more books and see more movies. It's going to start out great I know. With friends, a trip to the Olympic Peninsula with my brother Doug, and a vacation with friends in July. Bring it on.

A Brief Update

2009-03-09T11:05:00.002-04:00

Since my last post, my mother has gotten sick and school really picked up so those are my two excuses.

In a nutshell, my mom was diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer in late January and had a radical mastectomy in early/mid February. She is currently recovering. We just found out on Thursday that there's a little bit of cancer left in only one of her lymph nodes which the doctor seems to think the Chemo will wipe out. She'll be starting chemo within a few weeks I think - she finds out today.

School has been a lot of work. It's not bad at all, but it's a hell of a lot of reading and it took me a few weeks to find my stride. I have not opened a book for leisure since Geisha and I look forward to the end of the semester to read a book for fun, preferably outside.

Other than that, all is well. We had gorgeous weather over the weekend and I really enjoyed it.

Memoirs of a Geisha

2009-01-23T15:44:00.003-05:00

I finished reading Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden last night. I am not going to review it since the novel was written over a decade ago. I'll just say that I loved it and that the story has earned its place in my top ten list of all-time favorite books.

I also enjoyed the connection I felt to my brother Doug while reading the story - being as he is in Japan as I type and as I finished the second half of the book. That I can't explain - but reading about Kyoto and hearing that he planned to visit Kyoto just seemed "neat" to me.

Overall, I tremendously enjoyed reading about Japanese tradition - the tying of Kimono, tea ceremony, the ways in which Japanese men and women communicated and built relationships. This is a subject I'd certainly like to learn a great deal more about.

I found it mildly deflating, however, to hear that the author breached his contract with his main source of information, a Geisha from Gion who broke her code of silence to assist him in his research, and was ultimately sued by her for defamation of character. The terms were that he was not to release her name and to certainly not reveal she had assisted him. Well, he thanked her in the acknowledgments. D'oh!

However, I am pleased that as a result of this lawsuit, Mineko Iwasaki, the Geisha who assisted Golden, decided to write her own memoir, and leave out the fiction that Golden built his story upon. After all, she was already receiving death threats for breaking the code of silence - why not go all out?

So Geisha, a Life is the next book on my list. I am saddened that my reading will come to a crawl now that school has started. So technically the next thing I will be reading is Gilgamesh.

Drinking tea imported from Japan out of my brand new tetsubin, should make that more bearable though. (A Valentine's Day gift from Mike)

Tendonitis

2009-01-20T09:25:00.002-05:00

The pain in my arm prevented me from doing much of anything this weekend other than running a few errands, albeit in pain, and laying on the couch or in bed under a heating pad. I finally decided I'd go to the Dr. first thing Monday morning.

The Dr. was almost certain I had severe Tendonitis, but for good measure insisted I go for an ultrasound to rule out the possibility of a blood clot. She gave me a prescription for an anti-inflammatory and sent me on my way. I got the ultrasound which was extremely painful because I had to keep my arm up over my head for an extended period of time and had trouble getting it back down from there. I took my first anti-inflammatory and felt better within the hour. I didn't hear from the Dr. so I can safely assume I don't have a blood clot.

I feel completely back to normal today, but will continue to take the pills until I see the Dr. for a follow-up next Monday. She indicated I can continue going to the gym but that I shouldn't lift weights for a little while. Once I feel better I intend to strengthen my arms which should prevent the Tendonitis from returning.

I really wish I had seen the Dr. a week ago - it would have saved me a lot of pain. But through all that pain, I remained cigarette-free. Today is day ten, people! Boo-yah!

Hahahahahahaha

2009-01-18T19:18:00.003-05:00

I made this for Mike to taunt the guys at work with. Payback's a bitch.

The Hour I First Believed

2009-01-15T10:35:00.003-05:00

I finished reading Wally Lamb's new book last night, The Hour I First Believed. I thought the novel was fantastic, right up there with his previous two works, She's Come Undone and I Know This Much is True.

Many people have waited a near decade for Lamb to publish another book and he did not disappoint. He actually took an historically tragic event, the Columbine school shootings, and centered an entire work of fiction around them while also incorporating 9/11, The Iraq War, and Katrina. Not a tragic event, but Barack Obama even makes a cameo appearance. Throughout the novel, evidence of the amount of research Lamb had done becomes clear and explains the lengthy gap between novels. The reader also gets an inside look on what is clearly Lamb's experiences from teaching creative writing to incarcerated women.

In my opinion, Lamb is the master of character development. And I was thrilled that he journeyed back through history several generations to enhance this development similarly to that of which he did in I Know This Much is True. By the way, keep a look-out for cameo appearances from some old friends.

Lastly, Lamb noted in his afterword that one of the reasons for using Columbine and not a fictional school shooting was so that he had a platform to list the names of those who died and were injured in the attacks. It is clear that the tragic event shook Lamb deeply and the book really does resonate as a tribute in a carefully crafted way. I truly enjoyed reading it.

Update

2009-01-15T10:19:00.003-05:00

Thanks to everyone who offered up their input and expertise on this half marathon thing. And thanks to my brother Doug for pointing out the obvious that I am not Kenyan and therefore cannot run 10.5 - 11.5 miles/hour and that I clearly meant to say I hope to run 10.5 - 11.5 minute miles.

I'm feeling better. Today is my fifth day cigarette free and I don't feel as ill or temperamental. I'm feeling good.

The Plan

2009-01-13T11:20:00.003-05:00

I'm still really thinking about doing this half marathon May 3. I get bored easily and tend to lose interest in something if there's no carrot at the end of the stick. I developed my own little training plan for the gym and it's been challenging so far and I like it, but today I decided I should check out an actual half-marathon plan written by the pros.

The first I found was way out of my league - and it was for a beginner. Their definition of a beginner was someone who could already easily jog five miles. I cannot do that. So I kept looking and found a plan for a slightly overweight middle-aged mother of two who likes to walk and jog. Bingo! This plan is designed for someone who will eventually run a half-marathon, but averaging between 10.5 and 11.5 miles/hour. And no, that is not walking speed, but jogging speed.

So I checked it out and it makes sense to me. I understand the progression of difficulty and the overall goal. It's a 10-week plan ending with race day so I'd need to start training February 23. So now until then I plan to train for the training plan. I'd like to build up my endurance and start week 1 being able to achieve what is asked of me in week 1. For example, jog 3 ten minute intervals between 10:20 and 11:05 mph with 2 minute breaks in between. I can't do that yet.

The way I've been trying to build up my endurance so far has been increasing my mph by one point every other time I jog and increasing my distance at that pace by .15 miles every time I jog. So I'm increasing my intensity and distance simultaneously. I think that's the way I'll continue until February 23 when I start the real plan.

So far I'm in some sort of pain every night after I jog and sometimes the next day. My sciatica, my ankle, my right arm, my left shoulder. It's been something each time so far. But the pain in the ankles and sciatica has subsided since I started wearing new sneakers. But I'm no spring chicken so I'm gonna give it time - I really think these aches and pains will dwindle along with my weight.

So that's the plan so far. I'm pretty excited. I think 2009 is my year to shine and damnit, I'm going to Washington in June looking good so God help me.

Immediate Update to Previous Post

2009-01-09T12:01:00.002-05:00

I set the ball in motion. Mike and I have an appointment on February 8 (Mike said, "when football's over") at the venue we hope will hold our wedding. I found out that to have our wedding there on Saturdays in October, we must have a minimum of 175 people, 100 person minimum on Fridays. I really want my wedding on a Saturday for obvious reasons. In November, however, the minimum for Saturdays is 150. That makes a big difference. So right now we're looking at November 6, 2010. And if the price is right and we love the venue, we'll have the medium/big wedding I guess, trying to keep it as close to 150 people as possible and we can invite up to 175 or so knowing that unfortunately, not everyone will be able to attend.

And yes, I'm a little more excited now. Some of the pressure is off knowing that in order to have my wedding where I want it, it has to be a little on the large side, and having an idea of an actual date is also fairly exciting. Stay tuned.

Happy New Year

2009-01-09T10:02:00.005-05:00

Since it's been quite a while since I've last posted I figured the new year was a better time than any to get back in the groove of things. November and December were bears of months for me, but I'm not dwelling on old, out of style, 2008. Alas, 2009. I confess I totally buy into the whole new year thing. It's a time of renewal for me. I get new bold ideas, I clean the dust off and tweak old goals gone unfulfilled, and overall, I start out the new year with a sense of vigor I find only spring time and the new year can inspire.

So far so good. I lost five pounds my first week "back" and I've been hitting the gym and am in the process of trying out a new training plan. I've developed my goals and incorporated checkpoints so I can spot if I veer off track. As I've posted before, I've been tracking my weight in line graphs since January 1, 2007. My 2008 average weight was 1.2 pounds more over my 2007 average. I'd like to reduce that average this year rather significantly and I have the best motivator I can imagine: a ten day trip out to Washington state this June. But more on that later. I also have the registration form for the New Jersey half marathon in May. Laugh if you will, but I don't know, I'm thinking about it. I'll have to see where I am in early March. It would be pretty amazing to go out to Washington with having completed a half marathon on my heels. Also, it would make turning 27 later in the month a lot easier to handle.

I'm really looking forward to the start of the school semester too. I'm taking a Creative Writing course for fun mostly. I miss writing, and I really feel like I have a story in my brain, however, I lack motivation. I thought taking a course would help me to become a better writer and motivate me simultaneously. I'll have to write if I want to maintain my 4.0 GPA. I'm also taking World Lit as a requirement and am super excited my new friend Jess is will be in my class. Yes, this girl. She's awesome!

I'm optimistic it's going to be a great year.

I do want to add, however, partly as a confession and partly just to be honest, that I've also been working on making some personality changes too. I definitely need to work on my level of patience and I also need to remember, although it makes me sad, that no one is immortal. I'm trying to actively enhance certain relationships and stop taking them for granted. To be more specific, my mother's mortality has hit me like a bullet. My goals for this year include making sure she has a better year, even if it that means simply not getting any shit from me.

Mike and I have also gone through some "exercises" so that we can be sure we understand one another. It's re-opened the lines of communication and that's working out really well for us. Patience really works wonders. I highly recommend it.

Another big thing this year will be the wedding planning. Dare I say I have no interest in this at all. But why should I have an interest in spending exorbitant sums of money we don't have, and the stress that goes along with trying to accommodate everyone who feels they have some sort of say in this wedding? I know that is a negative outlook, but realistic I think. I do hope once we get started and check out the venue I will become more excited. I wonder if maybe I'm just not that kind of girl who gets excited over her wedding. Every time I picture it though, I picture something small. A small wedding is going to be a fight though. That's where the stress comes in. Having to fight to have the type of wedding I want. I can hear it now, all the people I "have to!" invite. Mike and I will just have to hold our ground. Maybe I can wipe up some tears and throw a temper tantrum or two? ;-)

Twilight: The Movie

2008-11-21T13:05:00.003-05:00

Certain that the Cherry Hill Loews Theater would be an absolute mad house similar to that of opening night of any Harry Potter movie, I convinced Mike that we should leave at 11:00 for the midnight showing of Twilight last night. We arrived at the theater and not a soul was outside. I was surprised but figured that 32 degree weather would keep sixteen year old girls inside. So we headed in and were again surprised that the lobby was practically empty and the concession stand lines were only two or three people deep. My last thought was that everyone was inside the theaters already and we would have trouble finding a seat. I was wrong again. We sat dead center and were probably two of maybe forty people in the theater.

The seats behind us filled up as midnight approached but I was shocked that only a dozen or so people occupied the nine rows in front of us.

The theater in Cherry Hill was sold out and girls began lining up as early noon in San Francisco. I don't get it. Mike's theory is that it was bitter cold and a lot of girls probably bought their tickets without their parents permission and then weren't allowed to go. Maybe. The lack of teenage girl frenzy was still strange to me.

I enjoyed the movie very much. Especially Edward's entrance - I love how we got our first peek at him through a window as he headed towards the cafeteria. Those few seconds spent waiting for a clear view of him were very exciting. I also thought the chemistry between Pattinson and Stewart was excellent - their passion for one another was palpable. Overall, it was as good as it could possibly be within the constraints of book to movie adaptation.

Mike didn't care for it. I checked out Rotten Tomatoes and they summed it up well, "Having lost much of its bite transitioning to the big screen, Twilight will please its devoted fans, but do little for the uninitiated."

Another great thing about the movie is that we got to see the Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince trailer on the big screen. Now I just have to wait until July for that one.

Recognition from the Top

2008-11-21T12:23:00.002-05:00

On a day to day basis I find myself often needing to speak with various Presidents, CEO's, Deans, and a plethora of other people whose titles make me feel self-conscious, nervous and awkward at times. Some I feel comfortable enough with to address by first name (Board members included) and then there are others whom I've hung up on when shocked to learn I had their direct line. (Anyone wanna prank call the owner of a shitty NFL team?)

Last week was my organization's annual Awards event where I get to talk to everyone. I even ate a moon pie with a brilliant Philadelphia mathematician. But the highlight of the evening was when I got to speak with the President of a particular zoo Mike and I frequent. This gentlemen is on our Board so therefore I feel comfortable addressing him by his first name and he knows me. Would he recognize me in jeans and a hoodie at the mall? I doubt it. But as far as work is concerned I trust he knows who I am.

Anyway, Mike and I had just gone to the zoo five days prior to this event so I decided I would tell this man what a great time we had and how although we love the entire zoo, we spend the majority of our time with Louis, our favorite eight year old gorilla. I may have went on just a touch too long about how great Louis is, but I think I caught myself in time. V. asked me to make sure I call next time I plan on attending and he'd see what he can do about getting us some time with Louis' keeper. I thanked him and told him to enjoy himself and that was that.

Naturally, afterwards I was embarrassed. But I reminded myself that he does know me and if I ran a zoo, I'd like to hear if someone had a great visit.

Today, seven days after the event, I received a package from the zoo. A personal note from V. saying what a great job I did at the awards event and how he hopes I plan on visiting the zoo again soon and in the meantime, he has enclosed a small gift for me. My gift was a 14" x 10" framed photo of Louis sitting in his play yard.

V's thoughtfulness made my day for so many reasons! Not only do I have a great photo of Louis, but little old me, the Assistant, got some recognition, and a place I love to visit gave back to me. The fact that this important man went to work the next day and actually remembered our conversation and took the time to say thank you really makes me feel quite special.

Ohhhh Yeah!!!!

2008-11-11T21:41:00.002-05:00

A new season of Top Chef starts tomorrow (Wednesday) at 10:00 pm EST. Boo-yah!!

I love Top Chef - it's the only show Mike and I have ever intentionally watched. Together. For an entire season. It's my fave!

So I thought I'd throw together a quick update since I'm in such a good mood. I'm hanging out on the couch, listening to my headphones, writing my cookbook (more in a sec.), buying music on itunes, while Mike is rocking out on the guitar playing Rock Band 2. The game keeps reminding me of what songs I like so I keep buying them.

I was off today for Veteran's Day and I had such a productive day. I unfortunately had to do some work this morning but that beat going in to an empty office to do it. I finally crossed some more items off my to do list, and I got in a really nice hour long workout. I also enjoyed the occasional game of Uno on xbox live. I have to say the xbox really grew on me. It helps that now I know how to use it (at least enough to get to Uno and turn it off when I'm done) and it sure beats tv! It beats tv because I can't eat and play xbox.

So the cookbook has been an ongoing project. I get a recipe, try it, and if we like it a lot, I retype it with who it's courtesy of, how I may have modified it, and a little tid bit about when we had it or for what occassion or who was here when I made it. It's more or less a memorabilia cookbook and since we tend to eat the same recipes it's nice to have them all in one place rewritten in my words. Eventually I'll add some photos. For example, my children may look through it one day and see what dessert I've made Mike every Valentine's Day since we've been together and a photo of Mike and I with the mocha sweethearts. This really all stemmed from my hating to shuffle papers to find a recipe I know is somewhere in the seven inch pile on top of the microwave.

I've been in a good mood since Saturday in fact! I amaze even myself! I honestly think xbox may have added to the quality of mine and Mike's relationship (at least for now - that's a bold statement). At least he's not running me out the room with shows like Cops and Jail and anyone who knows me knows that commercials make me twitch so maybe it's the lack of tv that is making me happy. Either way Mike and I are having fun with it and I don't mind hanging out and working on something while he plays.

I have a feeling these may be my famous last words.....

Pride

2008-11-05T08:48:00.003-05:00

I am bubbling with hope and optimism. I've never been more proud of my Country than I am today. We are all going to be okay because, yes, we can!

Congratulations!

Derby Night of the Living Dead

2008-10-22T14:00:00.003-04:00

This past Saturday was Derby Night of the Living Dead. The Boardwalk Brawlers hosted a double-header in Egg Harbor Township featuring mens derby as well. The New York Shock Exchange battled it out against the Connecticut Death Squad and we took on Harrisburg Area Roller Derby (HARD).

I served as a non-skating official. My job was to record and time penalties for CT during the mens game and for HARD during our game. I sat in a chair directly behind three folding chairs serving as the penalty box. When someone got a one minute penalty I had to start timing their penalty as soon as their ass hit the chair. At thirty seconds, I yelled "30 seconds!", at 50 seconds, I yelled, "10! Stand!" so they could get ready to go back out, and at 60 seconds I yelled, "Done!". Penalties are one minute with the exception of a two-minute penalty. I don't know what it's called but there a few ways to get it. There was one two-minute penalty and the referee skated over to me and told me. There was no other way for me to know.

In addition to timing and yelling, I had to fill out a chart with the period, jam number (I had to keep track of that myself), skater, skater position and the time spent in the box during each jam. Jams are only two minutes long and they are often called off early by the lead jammer if they feel they can no longer score points. It's a strategy to conserve their, and their team's, energy. So penalties are usually served over the course of two jams, if not three in rare cases. When the jam came to an end, I stopped the watch and jotted down the time. I started it again at the whistle of the start of the next jam.

It's fun when you end up with three people in the box because then you get to do quick math. I know, I'm a dork. There's only one stop-watch so you have to write down at which second each person entered the box and then do quick math to make sure everyone gets their fair warning.

I was certainly an unbiased penalty tracker (of course) even though I wanted the opposing teams to win. I was amazed how often I was ignored even though I was screaming the warnings. More often than not no one stood when I told them to stand and they didn't budge when I yelled, "Done!" a foot behind them. I'd be leaning forward tapping them on the shoulder with my pencil yelling "done" and they'd be watching the game like a spectator. I could have let up but didn't. I did my fair amount of pushing and I screamed until my voice was hoarse.

My teammate was tracking penalties for the two home teams, BB and NYSE. She was nervous and lacked confidence in her ability to do the job so I offered to take the away teams thinking she'd be more comfortable with her teammates. That was a very good thing. CT and HARD both tripled the amount of penalties of NYSE and BB. My teammate was very grateful and I liked having something to do. Just to give you an idea, I'd say each team I tracked penalties for had an average of 15 major penalties per 30 minute period. If one member of the team gets four in a period, they are ejected for that period, but allowed to come back for the next. So basically, the opposing teams had an average of fifteen minutes of "power play" time per period. In derby, it's called a power jam.

I had a blast. Even when one of the guys got pissed off and threw all my chairs (he later apologized). We had a great turn-out, great volunteers, and the games were clean and fun and fortunately, no one got hurt other than some rink rash, a few bruises, a twisted ankle and a sprained wrist.

NYSE beat CT by over 100 points. BB and Hard were neck and neck the entire game, but HARD pulled ahead in the last two jams and beat us by 16 points. The final score was BB: 112 HARD: 128.

Back on Wheels

2008-10-16T09:11:00.003-04:00

I went to practice last night and this time I dressed and brought all my gear. I was shocked to see five fresh meat at practice and looked forward to coaching them for two hours.

They were an excellent group and I think I did a good job. I gave them my full attention the entire time, something I wish I had been given when I was learning, but there isn't a set person who works with the fresh meat so it was always a little chaotic. We practiced T-stops and did leg strengthening drills for a while. Near the end I had the girls doing knee falls. It was fun being back on skates and again, I didn't miss playing with the girls one bit. In fact, they were being punished for whining too much and had to do torturous falling drills and I couldn't help smiling a little inside.

I was glad I was there to work with the fresh meat and answer all their questions and make them feel welcome. Practice can be fairly intimidating for the newbs and I can see how they may feel unwelcome or like a burden if someone isn't there to work with them because then they either get stuck sitting around or someone has to take time away from coaching the team to coach them. So I was pleased with the role I played and the support I provided. It felt good to get a little exercise again too but I do miss that intense cardio.

A Success

2008-10-16T08:54:00.002-04:00

I am pleased to announce that our Engagement Party was a huge success. It took a lot of work, and I would never do it again, but I can look back and smile.

So many people were such a tremendous help and the party was a group effort no doubt. I also think the arrival of my big brother, Doug, a few days in advance also helped a lot. It was so wonderful knowing he was nearby and getting to see him for a little while in the the stressful time leading up to the party. Mike was a tremendous help as well and I am thrilled he enjoyed our party as much as I did, if not more.

It was really great seeing my uncles talk to Mike's uncles and hearing my girlfriends ask my cousin, Jackie, to join them in their chit chat and seeing our guy friends hang on Doug's every word. It was such a great group.

Now everything is getting back to normal. I had a really nice conversation with my mom Tuesday night and I was pleased to hear that she also enjoyed herself and was well on her way to recovery.

Mike and I are gearing up for the next party October 25, but this one is our annual and causes very little stress. It'll be nice to party again with my friends so soon and this time....I'm getting drunk!

I'll be sure to post some pictures from the engagement party when I have them.

Thursday night paddle

2008-10-03T10:15:00.008-04:00

I met up with The Best Delaware Valley Kayaking Group Ever last night at 6:00 at Cooper River to go kayaking. It was super close to home, easy to get to, and totally great to do after a hard day at work. And kayaking in the dark is definitely a cool experience.

That's actually me...very very tiny me.

Do you see the dog? He's wearing a doggie life preserver!

Me again

Philly skyline at sunset

Derby Decisions

2008-10-03T09:31:00.003-04:00

My brother Doug said it best. I like the idea of roller derby better than I like playing roller derby. He is 100% correct.

Monday night I found myself suffering from my usual Monday night anxiety. An anxiety caused by the fear of attending Wednesday night practice and the pressure of attending Wednesday night practice. This anxiety started about a month ago - when I started practicing and playing with the team - no more kids corner. As of most recently the anxiety was enhanced by the fear of the looming bout on October 18 as well as the threats of additional practice nights. I was doubting my ability, my level of commitment, and consistently afraid of getting hurt or hurting someone else, amongst other things.

This all reared it's big fat ugly head on Monday night on the way home from class in the form of a panic attack. I calmly walked through the door, grabbed a pen and pad and asked Mike to please review a list of pros and cons with me - pros being the reasons to resign from roller derby.

So we talked. And Mike did not want me to quit. He had valid reasons, but he also didn't know what was in my head and Mike is much more of a go-getter than I am. He told me stories of his wrestling days in high school and his band days as an adult and I remained quiet as I wondered what the hell his stories had to do with me quitting roller derby.

I reminded him that I know myself well enough to know that nothing, I repeat nothing, could make me drive forty minutes to practice on a freezing, pitch black Wednesday night in the winter. Come December I'll already have two nights of class a week and I know my commitment to this sport is not forever and why should I continue to suffer this pressure, anxiety, and possible injury to just quit come winter?

The only cons to quitting I could come up with were missing the intense two hour cardio workout and missing the girls. Mike and I butted heads and I finally just decided to call Doug, my go-to guy for great advice.

Talking to Doug was most helpful. We went over the nitty gritty and the annoying facts - like Sunday practice an hour and a half away - resulting in my never getting to watch football. The whole being held accountable by twelve girls at this point in my life. The fear, which Doug said was quite clear to him in my blog posts. We just talked it all over, and although I made my decision before I even spoke to Mike or Doug, I finally felt good about it. I decided I would resign Tuesday morning.

I woke up Tuesday morning with awful anxiety. Fear of resigning I'm sure. I didn't know if the girls were gonna tell me off or if I'd regret my decision (I doubted it). I e-mailed our team President then posted on the team message board that I submitted my resignation and that I just felt that I could not commit to the team at the level expected of its members and I wished everyone and the team the best.

I thought I'd feel better immediately, but I didn't. I was nervous about what kind of response I would get. Then the responses started rolling in and it was a lot of lets work something outs and please don't do this and I'd be missed and then a very lengthy discussion ensued about levels of commitment and should there be two tiers for members. I sat back saying nothing watching this all unfold. The whole two tiers thing I knew would not fly. It's completely unfair to the full-time committed members who bust their ass week after week and drive all over the place going to practices. That's one of the reasons I resigned - I felt shitty doing this thing half-assed and I knew down the road I'd get shit for it.

So all this unfolded and still no word from the President. It was like an argument amongst children and I was just silently waiting for Mommy to chime in. And then she did.

I admit I was shocked and relieved instantaneously. She told me she understood and respected my decision and would I be interested in helping out the team at the bout and at some practices and events when I could? I felt amazing. So basically, could I still be a part of the team, not have to worry about going to every practice, not have to worry about bouting and getting hurt, and help out the team which I love anyway? Hell yeah!

Then some of the other girls started asking me the same thing. Then I learned that derby teams do have support staff and ours doesn't and that we need people like me. Someone even suggested I learn how to ref which in my opinion is a pretty cool thing to do. Remaining on the team in this new role seemed to make perfect sense to me.

So I went to practice Wednesday in flip flops instead of skates and blew my whistle and reviewed all the rules in more detail and did whatever was needed of me. No one gave me any shit and it was as if nothing changed at all. And let me tell you with one hundred percent certainty, not once did I miss not practicing with those girls. If anything, I felt relief - especially when they were doing their hitting drills.

At the end of the night I only missed not getting in a good workout. But I'm going to dress for now on and bring my skates so that I can help out in that fashion as well so I'm sure my days of playing the game are not over - but I imagine the pressure will no longer be there as I'll only be playing to help better my team and not myself.

Overall, I couldn't be happier with how everything turned out.

Dusk on Twilight

2008-10-03T09:20:00.002-04:00

I left work at noon last Friday and went home and finished the Twilight series. I had a wonderful time and smiled softly as I finished Breaking Dawn and closed the book for the last time. I adoringly set them all on the shelf and look forward to visiting them again some time in the future.

Even still, I think of Bella and Edward and find myself startled for a split second, as if I've forgotten to do something very important. Then I remember that chapter is closed for now and I no longer have to rush through my chores in order to jump under the covers and pick up my book yearning for more.

I do miss them though, and think of them fondly as one would reminisce of an old friend.

A half-assed update

2008-09-25T10:25:00.003-04:00

My legs, ankles and feet are very sore from practice last night. I don't sleep well on Wednesdays and Thursdays are a pretty rough day for me as a result. Last night my legs and feet felt like cement under my blanket preventing me from sleeping along with the fact that I kept replaying practice in my head.

It was a good endurance practice. I went running Tuesday in an effort to build up my endurance and also because I still really want to do a 5K. I hadn't jogged in ages so I wasn't surprised that my mile time slipped an entire minute. I didn't realize I'd be so sore yesterday from the run so I went to practice sore to begin with. But anyway, endurance wise, it was a great practice. I can see and feel myself improving in that department.

The actual scrimmaging part of practice sucked. I played like crap. But coach had me jam a few times which makes me wonder if he's singling me out to be a jammer. I sucked across the board and was disappointed in myself. I am downright scared of one of the girls on my team. She hits like a brick wall and is as impenetrable as one. She's a little on the larger side but she's the fastest girl on the team. When I was jamming, I would stay behind her and wait for one of my blockers to engage her then I'd sprint ahead of her and she'd be next to me a half second later. It was so frustrating on so many levels. Also, last night we played four on the whole team. It was overwhelming having so many people out to get you instead of the usual five. It was more like nine on four.

But I'm looking forward to going jogging again tomorrow assuming I can move my legs without limping. I think it will really help me out at practice.

My 300th Post

2008-09-18T10:19:00.000-04:00

There I was. Down on one knee, shaking from head to toe, my heart hammering in my chest, sweat dripping down my face and back. This is not the opening to a marriage proposal story. On the contrary, I had just taken a spill, got called on a major, skated over to the penalty box and taken a knee. The combination of adrenaline, fear, and pressure is lethal.

Last night’s practice was good but also a blur. Pace drills, hitting drills, and scrimmaging. The pace drills nearly killed me. I thought my heart would beat right out of my face. The hitting drills rocked me to the core but I never fell. One or two times my neck snapped and my brain rattled in my skull. The pain in my head was ferocious. Not only from the jostling, but also from the biting down every time I took or gave a hit. My jaw was sending pain up the sides of my face and into my skull. Coach Cliff told me I was taking hits more than giving them. I think he was right, although damn, can I take a hit! The very next time I was up I really put my body into it and I landed a mean hit! Cliff just smiled and nodded. The pain to myself was drastically reduced which was encouraging.

After what felt like hours of abuse, we scrimmaged. Miss Trial, the ref for the Philly Roller girls, came to our practice to help us out. She forced us to play by the rules as if it were a real game which was awesome for us because we usually let so much slide.

There were two more firsts for me last night. One, I fell and I’m glad. Two or three times I fell – I can’t remember. Two, I played jammer. Three times. I can’t tell you anything about falling. You sort of black out for a second and before you know it you’re on your feet (skates rather). I’ve said once before I’ve never in my life played a team sport so all these insane “emotions” are all new to me. This adrenaline, in particular, is all new to me. I’ve never experienced anything like it. I’ve never pushed myself this way. It’s a cocktail of adrenaline, fear and pressure and once consumed, you’re drunk on it.

I got called on a major or two for cutting the track. That means I passed someone out of bounds. It wasn’t deliberate and it hardly ever is. We’re supposed to be in control of ourselves at all times so accidents don’t matter.

Now lets talk about jamming. Jamming is f’n scary because you’re the target. Everyone on the opposing team is out to stop you by any means possible. I jammed three times. The first time I jammed, I can honestly say I did very well and I am smiling as I say that. Once the whistle blew twice it was time to hustle and catch the pack. Coach Chris was on my right coaching me. “Now look for the hole. Look for it. There it is. GO! GO! GO!” I skated through that pack weaving inside and out and my girls were kicking ass helping me out. But up front, I hit a wall. I could not get around it no matter how hard I tried and I was scared to do anything extreme. I stuck to their asses and waited for help and it never came. I heard people yelling that I needed help and that my blockers better get their asses to the front but before I knew it, the whistle blew four times signaling the end of the jam. I was spent. Coach seemed a little pissed with my blockers and he pulled them aside and told them what they could have done better.

I don’t remember the other two times very well. I think I spent one minute in the box for one of my two-minute jams and I think I fell the other time and just skated around like a fool. I went from good to horrendous.

The highlight of the night though was this. I was playing blocker. The black team’s jammer was on the inside line. Directly beside her was a black blocker, then directly beside her was me. I quickly thought to myself that if I hit the blocker, she’d fall into her jammer and they’d both fall down. I did it – I hit her – and my plan worked flawlessly. I felt really bad because the blocker I hit was a newbie just like me and I apologized later. But at least I finally did something that mattered.

By the end of the night I was spent and had a headache not so far off from that of a migraine. I could barely stretch. I told Hell Kat I didn’t feel comfortable scrimmaging next week in Newark against the Garden State Roller Girls and she said that was fine. I’ll go and observe and watch instead. I’m comfortable with my decision. Granted I am missing the opportunity to play with strangers before the October 18th bout but I just don’t think it’s worth the risk. I rather get a few more weeks of practice in. The girls next week won’t know me from Adam and they’ll assume I’m a veteran. I’m not ready to play that way yet.

Overall, it was a good night and I feel fine this morning. My upper arms are a little sore from all the hitting and I’m tired because I had trouble sleeping after all the emotions I experienced. On a more positive note, my name is registered and last night was the first time I got to wear my name. Half the team calls me J.D. and the other half calls me Killinger. I really like both and it was fun hearing people yell the names.

I’m not going to practice Sunday and I’m not playing next Wednesday. Last night Mike could tell I was a little frustrated so he asked me how he can help me. Sunday we’re going to the roller hockey rink and he’s going to run around and let me skate into him and try to knock him down. That should be fun! This way I won’t be rusty by the time I skate again.

Reason 1,199 why Mike is awesome

2008-09-16T15:17:00.001-04:00

Ring Ring

"Hello?"

"Hi. My parts came for the Buick today. Since you have a date with Edward tonight, I made a date with my car."

"Sounds good to me!"

Forks is real

2008-09-16T10:15:00.002-04:00

I was slow to start reading the books and I'm slow to learn Forks, WA is actually a real place. The photos of the peninsula are just like I pictured them. I'll be traveling there this spring/summer.

New tat, new book

2008-09-16T09:08:00.002-04:00

I went out northwest Sunday to get some more work done on my arm. It went well. I haven't gotten around to taking any pictures yet but I will soon. Larry covered all the pink rays on the left side of my angel with blue and he finally made it around to the underside of my arm that was still blank and added the rest of the rays. He also added in some branches along the back. It's so nice having some of that filled in finally. I think I have only 2-3 sessions left, the last one being final touches and no real work.

I'm still obsessively reading the Twilight books. I am now on the third, Eclipse. I've been distracted and emotional and feeling a little ridiculous, but I'm enjoying something tremendously so I think I'm ok. At least now I know I'm fine because last night I met Jessica.

Jessica sits in front of me in my Monday night Child Psychology class. Last week was our first class and somehow or another the Twilight books came up and I had just started reading the first book and had it with me so I raised it into the air and confessed I was already totally hooked. End of story.

Fast forward to this week. Class was good and we wrapped up. I stood to gather my things and before I could pick up my notebook a girl had come over to me like she had been shot out of a cannon, "You like Twilight, right?!"

"Yes!"

"Oh my God. I remember from last week." talking a mile a minute "Please don't think I'm crazy, but I don't know if you know, but Stephenie Meyer released all the playlists from all the music she listened to while she wrote the books and (opening her messenger bag) I burned you a copy!"

"Wow! Thank you so much!"

"You're welcome. You know what last week was, right?"

"Um, I just started reading the books last week - I don't really know."

"Ah! IT WAS BELLA'S BIRTHDAY!" Taking out her camera and scrolling throuhg photos. "We had a birthday party for her!" Showing me pictures.

"You guys replicated the whole birthday party from Twilight!?" I said with equal parts awe, excitment, pity, and envy. The cake was the same, the decorations, everything!

"Yep. Obsessed isn't even the word." The she leaned in close to me and pulled the skin down away from her eye. Golden amber. I guess the look on my face said it all so she just nodded in confirmation. She was wearing contacts to make her eyes the same color as Edward's.

We somehow made it outside rambling back and forth like two teens confessing our love of Edward Cullen, how we cried, how obsessed we've been. Jessica, we eventually got to an introduction, confessed she didn't eat while reading the books last year.

It was like a tornado of conversation - there was too much to say in too short a time. Me so excited to meet a fan and she so excited to meet a newborn to the series. She told me she'd burn the remaining three playlists and cautioned me not to listen to each one until I finished the book it went with. I told her I'd most likely be done by next class.

Then, because I couldn't help myself, I asked her if the books had a happy ending. And she just looked at me and even if it was just a second, it was the longest she had gone without talking. She finally said something like, "Can it?"

So I revised. "Am I going to want to commit suicide?"

"I'm still here" is all she said and that was good enough for me. If this contact wearing, Bella birthday party throwing fan can still talk so excitedly about the books then I'm sure it'll end well.

I just wish it didn't have to.

New Moon

2008-09-12T09:14:00.003-04:00

I started New Moon last night, the second book in the Twilight Series. I came to a pivotal part in the story and cried and cried and sobbed and cried and fell asleep shaking feeling like my heart was dying. It was awful, and it brought back very bad memories of heart ache. I woke up feeling sad and lonely and tired. I tucked Mike in real tight and kissed him good-bye grateful that he was with me.

I feel a bit in a fog, not to mention embarrassed by how much a fictional story has affected me so far. For affirmation that I'm not insane I googled, "did you cry reading new moon" and luckily I'm not alone. However, I got a glimpse of a spoiler or two. It's a chance I was willing to take.

Mike's heading up north tonight to go fishing tomorrow. I'm looking forward to putting on my pajamas, making tea and laying in bed and reading until my vision gets blurry. I just hope the story gets a little more light-hearted soon - I can't take the pain.

The Twilight Saga

2008-09-11T10:00:00.003-04:00

Just like with the Harry Potter series, I am late to all the wonder, amusement and awe that is The Twilight Series.

I admit I only actually heard of it a few months ago when scrolling through the Barnes and Noble bestsellers list and seeing each volume of the series within the top ten. I went to Barnes and Noble, asked which book was the first, read the first page and put it back. I ignored the release of the latest, Breaking Down, and didn't bother to read my acquaintance's blog posts about it.

Then the release of the latest Harry Potter Film, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, was pushed back from November, 2008 to Summer, 2009(!) for the movie release of Twilight. That made me very, very angry.

So down in Florida over the weekend, Mike's sixteen year old cousin Jennifer and I got to talking and she raved about the Twilight saga and offered to lend me the first book. We didn't talk much about it but she informed me that the actor who played Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, was, in fact, playing Edward, the main character in Twilight. This sparked my interest.

So I took the book and started reading it on Monday and ever since have been trying to find creative ways to get out of my responsibilities so I can keep reading. I am like a fiend. A Twilight Saga fiend. I love it. I haven't loved a book this much since Harry Potter. I find myself overwhelmingly grateful there are more. I may finish the first tonight and just in case of a cliffhanger I am going out at lunch to buy books 2 and 3. I can't stop wondering what will happen and thinking about Edward, and his sheer strength and beauty.

I am totally hooked. omg omg omg. LOL. So naturally I went and watched the trailer this morning. Mike and I may not be going to a midnight release this fall for Harry Potter, but we will be going for Twilight.

I needed a new series in my life. I admit though I am doing quite poorly juggling the story with my day to day responsibilities. It's that good. I must scream my love for Twilight off the top of something very, very high.

Florida

2008-09-10T10:04:00.003-04:00

I got a new notch on the experience belt this past weekend when I went to Fort Lauderdale Beach. I realize that going to a different state means nothing unless you do something in that state. The beach was a whole new experience for me and I really loved it. The water was so clear (but SALTY!), and so warm. And the beach was so clean and I liked the palm trees skirting the perimeter of the sand. The shells are really different and pretty and I had a blast getting tossed around in the surf while collecting them.

Overall, the entire trip was very lovely and I'm glad we went. It was nice spending time with Mike's family.

Kick Ass Practice!

2008-09-04T11:12:00.003-04:00

Last night's derby practice was awesome and totally boosted my confidence! Right from the start Coach had us fresh meat in with the team doing drills. We first skated in a super tight pack which helped to ease my fear of skating in a super tight pack! I didn't fall but I made a girl behind me fall and I felt bad. I guess I jutted my skate back too far on a push off and she hit it and went down.

Then we played three on three mini scrimmages and I was very, very nervous. But again it just totally boosted my confidence. I didn't really know what I was doing, but I was on the track skating in a pack, looking all around trying to follow what was going on while trying not to get hurt and not to crash into any down bodies. I did take my first hit though. Ivanna (I'll never forget her) came up beside me and totally caught me off guard and gave me a nice hit to the shoulder and I instinctively turned and apologized (as if I got in her way). D'oh! She started laughing and assured me she did it on purpose.

Then we moved on to hitting drills which Coach wouldn't let us do at first. So we watched. And then we practiced on each other and joined the group and did some different hitting drills where we skated the length of the rink on opposite sides coming together for one good hard hit at three specified spots on the rink. So basically: skate, BAM, skate, BAM, skate, BAM, and back to the end of the line.

THEN.....

THEN.....

Coach had us fresh meat sit down because he didn't want us scrimmaging. I was relieved. Then a minute later he had us get back up and stand with the rest of girls. Then he split us all up into two teams. My first scrimmage! (I was so nervous - I hope no one saw me shaking.) I took the number two position for my first jam. My heart was racing and then the whistle blew and well; it's kind of like driving in traffic, as silly as that sounds. You don't really think. Suddenly the discomfort of my mouth guard was no longer existent, my location on the track didn't matter. You just skate and look all around you and there are so many things going through your head but in a way your mind is blank because you just know what to do and leave it up to adrenaline and instinct. I can't explain it well.

I did good. At least I think I did good. I kept up with the pack about 90% of the time and when I lost it I hauled ass to catch up. I know I had two or three good blocks. I didn't hit anyone - I tried, but couldn't land anything - but I did manage to push one blocker out of bounds and something else I did I knew was really good but I can't remember. Someone even yelled, "Nice, Jessica!" It was really really fun. I had a blast!

I skated in three to five jams. You lose track - it's all adrenaline. I never played pivot or jammer, just a blocker in the number two or three position. I'm not ready (scared) to jam. I'm also still afraid of falling. Somehow I managed not to fall once all night. Very good, but also bad. I know I need to have a good fall for me to realize it's not so bad (hopefully it won't be). I also need to figure out how the hell to talk when you have a giant piece of rubber in your mouth! *Note to self, watch girls and see if they take out their mouth guards for a few seconds to yell to their teammates. Is there some trick I don't know? I also need to stop friggin apologizing! - it's instinctual. Sister reminded we all know why we're here so there's no need to apologize. She said she did that a lot when she first started and Coach made her do twenty push ups every time she said she was sorry and that helped her kick the habit really quickly. I assured her I'll work on it.

Before practice I would have never thought I'd be ready for the September 24 scrimmage against the GSRG, but now I think there's a good possibility I could do it. Maybe I will even skate at the October 18 bout. It's not really up to me, but it does seem a little more realistic now.

I think next week I may be "officially" on the team. Team Pres gave me my orientation packet last night with the forms I need to fill out, bylaws, and GIANT TEAM STICKER for my helmet. Who needs bylaws when you have a giant sticker! I'm stoked to register my name so I can start using it.

Any doubts I had earlier in the week simply washed away last night. And all the fund raising events are coming together. It felt overwhelming earlier in the week but other than one crazy week in September (with three events in one week) it is quite manageable and my excitement is renewed.

It was an awesome practice and I feel great today - no soreness at all.

By the way......

2008-09-03T15:23:00.004-04:00

I made California roll back in June maybe? And it sucked. It was expensive to make the first time (afterwards it won't be, but initially you have to buy a lot of stuff) and it wasn't very good. Not to mention it's only worth the effort if you were making a lot and it doesn't keep for more than a day so what's the point? I found it challenging and time consuming and you're much better off paying $5 for it. If anyone wants a large bag of sushi rice and a bamboo rolling mat, please let me know.

I was hanging out with my brother and his friends a few months ago and we ordered take out from a Chinese/Japanese restaurant. I thought it was so brilliant I could barely contain my excitement. Ordering up an order of General Tsous and a California roll might be one of the best things in the world. If only this place was near my house; Mine and Mike's problem of me wanting Japanese and he wanting Chinese would be over.

(update: this post falls under the label "Bucket List" because an earlier version contained "Make California Roll".)

Almost ready for it to end

2008-09-03T14:55:00.003-04:00

This afternoon I was walking to the fountain at Logan Circle to meet David for lunch and while doing so I took in the autumn breeze and noted the fallen leaves and enjoyed those first tastes of fall. Back to school (and back to work) is all around me - stopping for crossing guards, full parking lots at the Patco station, and not being able to find a seat on the train.

So I found a bench and took a seat and was blasted by the sun and immediately felt my face begin to sweat. Ick. It was a beautiful day but nothing like fall and it actually got me thinking, Shoot, there's still some things I want to do this summer! It was like saying good riddance to an annoying house guest at the airport and then realizing you'll actually miss them. I was overwhelmed by the sudden desire to have a picnic. And to go to a water park. At the same time.
Luckily I'll be in Fort Lauderdale this weekend and we do plan to go to the beach one day so I know I'll have that one last breath of summer, assuming a hurricane doesn't dampen those plans. *pun intended. But I must fit in a romantic picnic with Mike. gottagoonapicnic

After that I'll be good. Bring on my favorite season of the year!!! Every year I appreciate it more and enjoy it more!

What a Twist

2008-08-27T16:08:00.002-04:00

In an interesting turn of events my stepmother called me last night to ask if she could hang out at my place while her kids were at a Jonas Bros. concert tonight in nearby Camden. I decided to be a nice person and say sure resulting in my having to blow off practice.

Last night I dreamed of being kicked off the team for it. Last week Coach said Wednesday practices are mandatory and if we don't show up, we don't skate. I'm not usually a smart-ass, but what does that mean? We don't skate ever again? The following week when we show up? At the next bout?

I have no idea what it meant and apparently no one took him too serious because practice was cancelled at 2:44 since so many people couldn't make it. Luckily for me, I don't have anymore anxiety about missing anything.

Holden's kid sister liked to roller skate in Central Park

2008-08-19T14:33:00.003-04:00

The past week has gone by in a flash and I'm rather enjoying the chaos as it is a nice change from the usual boredom. Tonight all I have to do is get all my gear - helmet, pads, mouthguard. Saturday was my first derby bout and I've decided to stick with it.

The bout was a good experience. We were awful and we called the game in the second period after S.S. got knocked out and had to go to the E.R. That sucked. Thankfully, she's fine. But it was good experience nonetheless and I can handle bruises and soreness. At least I think I can. I'm looking forward to practice tomorrow.

Oh and I finally picked my name (and it is available) so I feel fairly official now.

J.D. Killinger

If you don't catch the reference, then shame on you.

Getting my ass kicked!

2008-08-14T09:36:00.003-04:00

I am really hurting today. In fact, I had trouble getting out of my car last night; that's how quickly the soreness of last night's derby practice moved in.

I have never done a team sport before. I have never really tried to do my best at anything athletic - it either came naturally and I was good at it or I did it under my own discipline and quit or gave up or just simply never really improved because I didn't have the drive to really work at it. I often wished I had someone (like a drill instructor) push me and make me go further and faster, etc. But I don't so I tend to quit when it hurts or when I get too tired.

Last night was totally different. I want to learn this sport and I want to be good at it. There are people telling you what to do and they're watching you closely so the pressure is on. Last night was Coach's first practice back from a two week vacation and he spent almost the entire time teaching us newbies how to fall. And fall we did. Over and over for almost two hours. On our right knee, on our left knee, on both knees (scary), on our right knee and spinning into a 180, on our left knee and spinning into a 180, and the same on right and left when you just touchdown and get back up and keep skating. Over and over we fell.

It was very scary at first I admit. The double knee falls are the worst. You're just skating along and then, Bam, you drop to your knees. The first time I tried it I panicked at the last second and fell on my ass instead of my knees. I messed up quite a few times actually but overall, I felt good about my performance. I asked questions, I paid close attention, I practiced a lot and I asked for do-overs when I really felt I screwed up. I need to remember not to put my hands down on the ground so that they don't get run over but I think I really only started doing that when I was near exhaustion.

I was spent! I was dripping from head to toe in F.V.'s helmet, pads and skates and got progressively worse as the night went on. Getting up from falling a hundred times was worse than falling a hundred times. My thighs were just shutting down and they didn't want to work anymore and I felt myself becoming confused and I just got sloppy near the end.

We were told to join the team at the end for their final workout. It was fun skating with the girls and we did drills with them for a few minutes then stretched out as a group. Afterwards there was some talk about strategy and it was interesting to listen to. I'm really looking forward to watching the bout Saturday and I'm getting my pads Friday night. I don't think the bout can change my mind at this point. I'm in.

Be there or be stupid

2008-08-13T11:34:00.002-04:00

Recovered

2008-08-12T12:38:00.004-04:00

I had an excellent four days off from work, two and a half of which I spent in Ocean City, MD with Kelly. I had a great time and relaxed at the beach and laughed a lot. Sitting on the beach with Kelly b.s.ing and laughing made me realize just how long it's been since I've spent more than a day or so with a female friend. It's been a very long time and I really enjoyed myself. Girls rock! Not to mention it was nice to get away. I slept very well.

I feel well rested now and we are experiencing the most amazing weather: sunny, mid to high seventies, no humidity, there's even a hint of an autumn breeze. Yesterday I threw on a hoodie and sat out on the deck and read while enjoying a chai tea. It was marvelous.

Now Where to Begin

2008-08-05T14:15:00.007-04:00

It's now calm after the storm and Mike and I are both very tired. It was a hectic and fun weekend - a roller coaster ride of ups and lulls, but no downs. Last night we were hoping to catch our seventh and eighth winds so that we could make it home in one piece. I met David for lunch today so I could tell him about my ring and now there are only stragglers and strangers to tell for the most part. Oh, and the friends who haven't returned my phone calls. The rest I'm leaving up to the game of telephone, word of mouth and a Myspace page blog post.

So basically, the weekend went something like this:

Friday night: drinks, monopoly, laughing

Saturday: Heavy duty cleaning! I did suspect Sunday may be the day and I knew that would mean that organization and staying ahead of the game would be crucial to a stress free celebration. I made meatballs so we had a ready-made dinner for later in the week and the house was more or less spotless. And mom always said clean sheets are the best for holidays and special occasions so not only did I change the sheets but I cleaned the mattress cover as well and I gave the mattress a much needed turn.

Saturday night: Mike and I headed out to High Velocity in Beechwood to meet up with some of the Boardwalk Brawlers for a fundraiser/promotional thing. Mike met four of my future teammates and I got a chance to get to know a few of the girls better and to get some additional information and to ask questions. I'm really glad I went. Here's a picture in which I look AWFUL. If I look over excited to be asked to be in the photo, I was.

Sunday Mike and I got up by 7:30 to get ready to head down to Cape May. We had breakfast at our favorite place, the Mad Batter, and then headed over to the Point. Getting around in Cape May is so easy - I just love going there.

Soon after I was settled in my beach chair and started reading Mike proposed and it was great! It happened very fast and afterwards we went about our day at the beach and had a blast and I had something to look at all day and calls to make and it was all very nice. I found the perfect rock to take home as a memento and to write the date on. We laughed and waved at one another and stole kisses in the surf and I couldn't have asked for a better day. And it wasn't even half over yet!

We got home around 4:00 or so and it was time to get ready for our 6:00 dinner reservation at Blackbird as part of Collingswood restaurant week. We notified the Maitre d' that we had gotten engaged and could we please have a romantic table. We were then provided with the best dining experience of our lives. It was the best meal we've ever eaten and the best service we've ever received - the experience was spectacular and we were very grateful. Blackbird helped to end the night of our engagement on a most glorious note so we wrote the owner and head chef a letter yesterday to thank him again and to let him know just how well his staff treated us and just how wonderful his food was and just how much they all added to our special day.

For all you foodies out there, this is what we ordered.

Course One:

I ordered the handmade potato gnocchi in a tomato basil cream sauce with parmesan and mozzarella. Mike ordered the same but added the optional fresh jumbo lump crab. It was a heavy dish but very nice. The portion size was slightly too large for a first course and I did not finish it.

Course Two:

I had been looking forward to this since we made our reservation. Finally after years of watching Top Chef and Iron Chef, I was going to taste my first confit! I ordered the crispy confit of free range chicken with sweet pea risotto and jus de poulet (my first demi glace). I also ordered the optional additional seared breast of chicken. The dish was to die for and I am not exaggerating. The skin on the confit was so crisp and the chicken flavor was so intense and the meat was so moist - it was an amazing experience in my mouth. I had also been looking forward to the risotto and it too was delicious - the cream just melted off the rice in my mouth and made me smile every time I had some.

Mike ordered the pan seared Chilean sea bass with artichoke and olive fregola sarda (a toasted breadcrumb-like pasta from the island of Sardinia). He also ordered the optional additional Prince Edward Island mussels. Mike's been really getting into seafood lately and he just loved his dish as well.

Course Three:

For dessert we both ordered the arborio rice pudding and I added on the polenta cookies which had a lovely hint of lemon. Our server brought out our dessert on one dish with a small candle and said they don't usually do it that way but that they thought we'd enjoy it. It was lovely.

Between the wine, the Rogue, the meal and the cappuccinos we were stuffed to a maximum and I mean it when we say it was the best meal we've ever had.

Here's a photo from the evening (our big debut):

Monday it was time for us to head back to work. Mike's parents were more or less the only ones who had not yet known about the engagement. We knew Mike's mom wanted an in-person announcement so we decided we would accommodate her. I wrote her an e-mail saying hello and that we wanted to hear about her weekend - would she be home tonight? Yes.

We headed up north to see my mom first who already knew about our engagement as she was the first person I called. We pulled up to the house at the same time and she got out of the car singing a made up song (I think) about how her daughter was getting married. We showed her the ring and had some pizza. It was loud, hectic, and rushed - the way I like it at mom's house. But time slipped away from me and we had to go. We made it over to Mike's parents house and his mom's truck wasn't there. That suuuucked. So Mike called his dad to see where she was and he said she'd be home at 9:00. Ouch. We were basically stranded as Mike didn't want to go back to my mom's so we decided to call Rudy and see if we could kill some time at his place. He was happy to accommodate us so that actually worked out really well because we all got to hang out for a little bit and I got to show off my ring some more and talk about roller derby some more and the guys got to catch up and talk about their cars.

Around 8:40 Mike's mom called and said she was home so Mike said he'd call her back in five minutes and we left Rudy's to go surprise his parents. We rang the doorbell and Mike's dad answered and yelled to his mom that Michael was at the door. I walked in the house and his mom walked into the room and she knew immediately. She started screaming and crying and jumping up and down and grabbed us both and confessed her love and happiness and thanked us profusely for the joy we had brought in to her family. Mike and I just laughed, but it was all very sweet. Then she grabbed us and ran us over to the speaker phone where she proceeded to call her brother and best friend who both live in Florida and we gave them the news. Then we all sat down and talked for an hour or so about all different stuff including our plans and she regularly interrupted the conversation to give us hugs and kisses. I couldn't have asked for it to have gone any better.

By the time we left I was dozing. Getting excited so many times just wiped me out. It was a wonderful weekend. All that's left is to get my big brother Doug on the phone who is traveling. I left him a message shortly after Mike proposed on Sunday and gave him the news and he left me a message Monday night congratulating us and saying he had news of his own. I missed his call a little while ago and tried to get him but couldn't. At times like this I miss him very much.

So next is the engagement party (which has been planned for a few weeks. ;-) ) and then on to planning our wedding. Mike is so wonderful. He takes all my excitement in stride and asks so little. I rattle off all the things that have to be done and he simply asks for reminders and an itinerary (his words not mine). I couldn't have hoped for a better husband.

*Addendum: Doug and I finally got in touch this evening and now I feel complete knowing how happy and supportive he is for us. His news was BIG, but more about that another time. Mike had shown him the ring when he was out visiting back in June so he's known for a while but now that it's all happening, hearing him congratulate us was the icing on the cake.

Betrothed

2008-08-04T14:09:00.003-04:00

Mike and I are now engaged! Mike proposed yesterday, Sunday, 8/3/08, on the beach at Cape May Point. We had the most wonderful weekend!

More details to follow as well as a recap of the weekend.

Derby Practice II

2008-07-31T09:25:00.003-04:00

Kelly and I rolled up (in our cars) to the skating rink in Hammonton last night at 8:30 for our second roller derby practice. We donned our skates and hit the rink to warm up a little and M, a Philly Roller Girl (from the big leagues!), informed us she comes to help out once in a while and she thought she'd show us some moves and get us learning some basic skills. It was a lot of fun learning the techniques and practicing the different ways to stop and skating in the opposite direction. Not backwards, but counter-clockwise. It's really really difficult. But Miranda was adamant that taking time to practice skating counter-clockwise was crucial to balance muscle development and prevent any future complications. It's really challenging.

So me, Kelly, and H, the third piece of fresh meat that returned after the initial interest meeting two weeks ago, skated around and practiced for 45 minutes or so and worked up a mean sweat then sat to watch the girls scrimmage. M was awesome and she really seemed to know her shit. The girls are gearing up for their rematch against the Sisters of Mayhem August 16 so there was definitely a sense of seriousness and focused practice - something that seemed lacking at the initial interest meeting practice. Then again, there were a lot of people at practice that day.

Overall, it was a lot of fun and I'm still really interested. I do believe that things happen for a reason and I decided last week I'd make a decision as to whether or not I take this seriously after I see the match August 16. Ironically, I learned I get a bonus August 15. My bonus can buy skates. Coincidence?

So I guess I must be interested, especially after I agreed to do what I'm going to do Saturday night. After practice there was an announcement that a bar (that happens to be a sponsor I think), advertised that roller girls would be there Saturday night hanging out. Coach agreed to this but in the excitement of the imminent rematch, I guess it kind of was forgotten? So anyway, hardly any of the girls could go and we were reminded how important this is and how we must be there and blah blah blah. Then Assistant Coach turned to me, Kelly and H and asked if we'd go. My first thought was that I'm not even on the team and my second thought was that my going might make me look pretty good, which lets face it, isn't a bad thing. So Assistant Coach rolled over and told me what I'd have to do (dress up for one, in the team colors, and mingle.) Sounds easy enough. I got some more information and exchanged e-mail addresses with one of the other girls that will be going and headed home.

Unfortunately once I got in the car I was able to think it over more and then realized I don't know exactly how to feel about it. I didn't know promos and guest appearances would be involved and strutting around in a costume like a Coors girl isn't really my scene. But on the other hand, being a roller girl, I guess, is like being a character. It's acting. I can act.

So I went home and talked to Mike and he totally surprised me because he one hundred percent understood! He compared it to his band days and his only negative commentary was that "The star players should be there!" Do we have star players? "Your being there is like going to a Metallica signing and getting your CD signed by the roadie." I love Mike. He knew about the sponsors and the this and the that and he even asked me about what I was going to wear and he said they better give me a team shirt so everyone knows who I am. I reminded him I'll be in leggings, a mini skirt and a hot pink shirt - I think people will know who I am.

So I decided to push my luck and ask if he'd accompany me and he actually agreed! I told him that I didn't know how it would be and I didn't know if I could really hang around him and he was totally cool about it and just told me not to let guys buy me shots because we have to get up early Sunday morning.

So Saturday night is my first public appearance as a roller girl. In a bar I've never been to. With girls who I doubt I'll even be able to recognize (luckily, the pink and black should give them away) and whose names I don't know.

Thank goodness for Mike.

Parvin State Park

2008-07-28T14:49:00.002-04:00

After breakfast yesterday Mike and I decided to head out to Parvin State Park figuring we'd get a few nice hours in before the severe storms headed our way blackened the skies. We mapquested the park and headed out and I was pleasantly surprised just how nice it was for it being a mere 35 minutes away.

The main parking lot is across the street from the lake entrance - a lovely large lake with kayak and canoe rentals for only $18, as well as a lifeguard and beach house for an entrance fee of only $2. It wasn't crowded despite it being a hot and sunny Sunday in July. Too bad we weren't there to lay out. We got a map and asked the teen aged money collector where we could go fishing. She recommended we drive to a lot farther down the road but when I asked her if we could walk she said we could. A measly half mile later we came to a little floating dock and Mike set up camp. I looked over my map and decided on the 3.1 mile lake trail which would loop me around the entire lake. I said bye to Mike and was off.

I enjoyed the hike to a degree but was nervous probably 70% of the time because I was all alone on the trail. Although the trail circled the lake, in parts it was set far back from the lake with only a narrow dirt trail running through thick dense (in parts overgrown) woods. My imagination runs wild and I confess I didn't have as much fun as I would have liked. In fact, I jogged quite a bit and looked over my shoulder a lot. I was amazed I was the only one out there.

However, I'd like to add that there were a few times when the sun was shining very bright but a cool summer breeze drifted overhead, and the sounds of cicadas picked up and the leaves rustled in the trees and it was in those moments my fear melted away and I felt glad to be alive. Overall, it was rather lovely.

I made it back to Mike and thunder soon started roaring in the distance so we packed up and made it back to the car only moments before the rain.

I'm so glad we went out there and I now know of an excellent spot a half an hour away. The trail had zero degree of difficulty so my going out there alone is no problem and I'd like to go out there Saturday mornings when I have no plans and Mike is working, but I will be afraid every time. Next time I'll bring my little pepper spray and try to remind myself that I'm probably more safe alone in the woods than out in the open with strangers.

Oh, the Anxiety!

2008-07-25T11:35:00.002-04:00

I've been suffering from anxiety the past two days hardcore. My heart races, I'm constantly distracted. I'm fidgety. I accomplish tasks in short bursts followed by longer periods of uselessness. I can't pinpoint exactly what is bothering me. I think it's just a culmination of pent up excitement for what I hope is my imminent engagement, stress over whether or not to join the roller derby team (stupid, right?), school starting up, MONEY, always money, fear of losing said hard earned money in Atlantic City tonight (stupid, right?). We had an infestation of ants this week which required the emptying of an entire cabinet, the washing of all contents, the spraying and killing and searching of ants, then reassembly. Two days later they were back and we repeated the process.

Last night I got home from work and actually fell asleep for two hours. I was spent. I woke up just as it started to get dark and it looked like one of those nice cooler September nights that remind you that fall is coming. Within five minutes of opening my eyes I was on my bike headed for the lake. That really seemed to help.

Mike and I had plans to stay home this weekend but then spontaneity kicked in and alas, my anxiety again. Knarr invited us to A.C. and Mike said no but then he called me to tell me and of course I was willing to find a way to go. Playing cards with Knarr is just too much fun. But I'm also glad I called him because his plan (which he never stated because Mike said no) was to meet us at our house, have dinner and also spend the night. So of course this all works out great because now Mike can see his best friend for a bit even though he has declined the offer to go to A.C. (which makes me feel a lot better).

Mike is not a good card player and has never sat at a table before. He doesn't have a cent to lose and also gets very upset when he does. I am grateful he has given me his blessing to go to A.C. with Knarr while he stays home and works on his car. I don't have to feel bad. As selfish as that sounds.

So I am aware that I'm being kind of silly, but at least I know what's bothering me to a degree. I rather know the stupid reasons than not know at all.

Shameless plug:

If you hate reality tv, then be sure to watch Reality Bites Back Thursday nights at 10:00 on Comedy Central (I think). What do you get when you put ten professional comedians in a house and people stop being polite? A really fuckin funny show! Check it out. Next week they're competing in the opposite of the Biggest Loser - watch them inhale twinkies and compete to see who gains the most weight. Did I mention the show is hosted by Michael Ian Black?

Sunday we're finally going to see the Dark Knight - can't wait! So I guess I don't have much to worry about - I just need to gather my thoughts. Thanks, Blogger, for letting me get it all out there in a non cohesive staggered way. You're the best!

Back to normal

2008-07-22T15:34:00.003-04:00

I am now fully recovered from last week's hellish work week and I am pleased to say I made my deadline and made it out on Friday intact although exhausted.

This week's looking up after the past few very chaotic weeks. I have one goal essentially for this week and that is to register for classes. I spent some time this morning deciding on a class, location and time so that's all set. Now I just have to pay for it. I'll be taking Child Psychology Monday nights. I'm actually really looking forward to it after all the history I've been taking. After some real consideration I decided to only take one class this fall. October through December are very busy months for me and after mulling it all over I decided to take the easier road with a promise to myself that I would take two classes again in the winter.

I t looks like Wednesdays will now be devoted to Roller Derby practice. Maybe. Most likely. Maybe.

Kelly invited me to tag along with her to the Boardwalk Brawlers practice last week and we both enjoyed ourselves and are interested in possibly trying out for/joining the team. I will give myself a month to make a decision. The pros are obvious: making new friends, exercise, getting to tell people I'm on a roller derby team, getting to wear fishnets. The cons are also obvious: time commitment, $$$ ($45/month dues plus equipment), PAIN, chance of breaking bones. Not to mention my preferred skate name, Rumbelina, is already taken! Apparently these names have to be registered with the National Roller Derby Association. No wonder the names of the girls on the team give the impression that they've been scraped from the bottom of a barrel.

I'll keep you posted on all the fun.

Mike is doing quite well. We're enjoying ourselves and handling the stress of the past few weeks like a good team. Yeah, we're good sports. Maybe we'll toss around a football tonight at the park or in our freshly mowed lawn. Did you hear Shockey got traded to the Saints? He did.

Scurvy - a Comedy

2008-07-09T13:11:00.004-04:00

It may have started when I lost my water bottle two weeks ago.

But all hell broke loose Thursday around 12:15 pm with a half meatball sandwich at Subway. Never have I gotten the meatball sandwich and never had I passed on the wheat bread! But I do slightly recall turning to David and saying something along the lines of "lets get this holiday weekend started!". That was a second before he ordered his veggie patty sandwich on wheat. Bastard!

It was all downhill from there. Oh the horror! We expected dinner at the marina Thursday night so when we were proven terribly wrong we all ate bowls upon bowls of various colored orange snacks for dinner. Friday we had to justify what was most likely a $225 cost per head at the wedding by eating our share. Saturday was more beer and tasty cold hot dogs and Maria, what a sweetie, had waiting for me my very own bag of salt and vinegar chips! Woo-hoo!

Sunday: repeat.

So Monday I thought things might be a little better. I woke up feeling sick to my stomach like I hadn't eaten a whole grain or vegetable in ages! I was groggy and couldn't get out of bed so didn't have time for breakfast. I grabbed a banana and by the time I took it out of my bag at the office, half of it was inedible mush. I was starving!!!!

Then the jabbing pain of remembering I was on my own for lunch - David's last day was Thursday! Before David's all too short stint at the office, I ate lunch around noon every day. Once he came on board and we started having lunch together almost daily, I changed my lunch time to 1:00 to accommodate his later hours. I figured after six months it would have stuck, but no, my sandwich was gone by 11:59 am and I was still hungry and feeling sick but looking forward to the caesar salad we were having for dinner.

David and his girlfriend, Jen were actually coming for dinner. Thank God for that because there was no time for my 5:30 pre-dinnertime binge. The day was going well. Sort of.

We ordered two pizzas and readied a massive caesar salad - my favorite! David and Jen arrived not only carrying a massive platter of mini eclairs, cream puffs and cannolis, but also presenting me with my very own bag of kettle cooked salt and vinegar chips. I told you he was a bastard!

*Note to self, stop telling people your favorite thing is salt and vinegar chips.

I digress.

The night was fun. Mike won a game of Disney Pixar Monopoly. I got into the chips shortly after David and Jen left.

Yesterday, Tuesday, I tried again. Mushy half inedible banana, cold pizza for lunch. I blamed it all on my rogue water bottle. I walked to the store after lunch and bought Mike and I new bottles (the kind that supposively won't give us cancer). It started to rain buckets so I had to add an umbrella to the order although I had two sitting at my desk. By the time I got back to the office I was soaked from the thigh downward. But I digress again.

I was determined to make it up for dinner and end my misery! I called Mike to inform him we were having a salad for dinner. "With what?" he inquired. "With nothing. I am a fat cow and you must suffer the consequences."

I didn't say that. I don't remember what I said.

So I went to the brand spanking new Comcast Center Market, (insert angel singing and sunlight for it is truly a blessing) to get some veggies.

But I was craving sushi.

"Excuse me, do you sell half-price sushi after 5:00?" (It was 4:35)
"You can buy one, get one free."

SOLD

I did get some veggies too though.

So I went home full of good intentions. Going for a jog, eating sushi, readying a healthy menu for the remainder of the week.

It all went to shit when I finally got home drenched from the humidity and spotted the pretty blue and silver packaging of salt and vinegar chips.

The rest of the night is a bloated blur. I assure you the details are too disgusting to divulge.

HOWEVER, late last night I started to actually feel really sick. I was actually craving whole grain bread and I hate whole grain bread. I gathered the strength to actually plan a dinner for tonight and got chicken in the fridge to defrost and whipped up tuna loaded with diced onion, celery and carrot so that we could eat a decent lunch today.

The scurvy is starting to pass. I actually carried my banana to work today so it remained intact, ate a nectarine at 11:00 and had a delicious tuna on whole grain toast sandwich for lunch.

In fact I felt so good after that I took fifteen minutes to plan out the lunch and dinner for the remainder of the week. The swelling of my belly has even gone down a little.

I'm looking forward to rosemary chicken and roasted red potatoes for dinner. Last night, seconds before bed, I went in the kitchen and threw the remaining chips in the trash. There weren't many left. I can only imagine what Mike must have been thinking when he heard me reach for the chips. LOL. Assuming he thought the absolute worst I assured him I put them in the trash.

Holiday weekends are the worst.

Unless you're sensible, non-compulsive and not an addicted to salt over-eater.

A very full Holiday weekend

2008-07-07T12:09:00.002-04:00

This weekend was very fun and felt rather lengthy as it was jam packed and nonstop. Thursday evening Mike and I headed up north to meet friends for some beer and fireworks followed by some card playing. It was a lot of fun and I missed this group of friends very much so I laughed until my stomach hurt.

Friday we did nothing - just hung out at Mike's parents house until it was time to get ready for a 4th of July Wedding even further up in north Jersey. Mike's cousin Cynthia tied the knot. The wedding was fun and very nice. Perhaps a little too much, but fun nonetheless. We drove all the way home afterwards since Mike had work Saturday.

Saturday I hung out with my girlfriend Kelly (thanks again for lunch!) while Mike was at work. We got home around the same time and then it was time to pack again and head back up north to go to Maria's future mom-in-laws for a bbq. More drinking, more eating, more laughing, and more card playing.

Sunday Mike and I went over to my Aunt's house for a July baby party. The majority of the birthdays on my mom's side of the family are in July so when we were younger we always went to the July baby party. I don't know why, but there hasn't been one in a very long time. Sunday was the first in at least five years and every cousin was there with the exception of my brother Doug who lives in Washington. We had a blast and it was fun to be together.

Now we're back home and tired. I'm looking forward to not eating red meat for a while and ridding myself of the excess weight in beer I've added to my belly. Thursday at work my morale was pretty low so the long weekend couldn't have come at a better time. I feel refueled.

2008-06-29T19:50:00.008-04:00

So we're home now after a weekend of tattoo getting and hanging out in the Poconos. I promised Mike I wouldn't blog about certain aspects of his tattoo experience so you only get photos to look at (he's fine of course):

Before:

After:It took about 2.5 hours for Mike to get this done. It's very bright. I took the photo without the flash since it just bounced off the A&D ointment. But I assure you, this photo does it no justice.

As for my session, well, I managed to piss Larry off pretty much instantly and he needed a little time to switch gears after going crazy with Mike's forearm. Basically Larry told me all my ideas were stupid and I agreed with him and told him to do what he thought would look best then he got annoyed I wasn't prepared but I reminded him that he never does what I want anyway and that's why I saved him the trouble by not coming prepared and around and around we went. He spent a bit of time reacquainting himself with my arm and finally said the problem is that he has honed his style in the two years since I've been to him and then he scolded me for waiting two years to get work done. He said in order for him to figure out what the hell he was gonna do he first needed to clean up some of his previous work.

This is the amazing thing about Larry. He'll only do what he thinks will look best. His attitude is (and we heard this today when he told our friend Rudy) if you want something stupid or ugly you can get drunk and get it done in Wildwood, NJ. Larry's an artist and he won't put his name on anything he doesn't approve of. This is why he doesn't work in a shop. He'd get in too much trouble for turning people away for "being gay" or "being stupid". Now he gets to do "consultant" work at shops and only the best jobs come his way. He's the showcase or guest artist rather. Pretty cool. But I think it's given him a pretty large ego.

So anyway Larry started with a heavy outline of the angel and sunflower. Then he started the sky. We spent a lot of time discussing color and I confessed I didn't really like the pink rays and wanted more of a burgundy color. The three rays you see that are blue were done three different ways. He wants me to let them heal and then when I come back (September 14) we'll (more like he'll) decide which method we like best. I can't tell the difference yet.

Before:

After:
Before:
After:
As you can see I am completely and utterly incomplete. I'm not used to that one bit. Hence the September appointment. Once the sky heals Larry asked me to fill in the upper rays with a yellow highlighter and let him know what I think. I asked for miniature silhouettes of birds flying through the sky and was amazed when Larry didn't give me shit and actually agreed it would look alright.

I still have a lot of work to get done and admit I was mildly disappointed by how little I feel I got accomplished. I know we spent a lot of time under discussion but I'm used to four plus hour appointments and this one ran about 2.5. But you don't question Larry so oh well. But I do really like the way the angel pops now due to the thicker outline and I do like the slight Japanese-ish thing that's cropping up on my arm. You'll see he also added the blue around my sunflower. I rather he didn't since now I have to do that to the sunflower on my left arm so they continue to match.

I don't know what we'll do first in September but I have my whole underam to finish, the pink rays all need their color change and the aky has to be finished up. I'm thinking I need four more appointments. Then I am done. Done done done done. I honestly don't know right now If I'll do anything else after finishing up my right arm and touching up my left.

I really do like what he did with the sky though and I have a feeling a bit more color will end up in there. It must sound crazy that I don't really know too much about the end result but it's in Larry's head so I just go with it.

Weekend recap and a weekend full of ink

2008-06-26T11:53:00.002-04:00

Last weekend was Beerfest at the Camden Battleship. A lot of friends and people we know were going so we elected to have a BBQ immediately following the four hours of drinking out of a tiny cup so no one had to worry about driving home or paying the escalated costs of sub-par food. I stayed behind to prepare for the BBQ and dropped some of the guys off with my brother Joe at noon (we had six people in my Focus) and went home to prepare for the onslaught of drunken men.

Everything went well although there were more people than expected. It was meant to be a pitstop in the day to eat and relax and then once night came a few of us were all going to head into Philly. That never happened. The BBQ turned into a party which was all very cool and almost everyone took a nap at some point including my brother who is famous for sleeping in uncomfortable positions. This time he at least was on the couch but his leg and feet position looked painful as he was trying to take up the most minimal amount of surface area I suppose. Everyone kept asking if we should move him and I simply replied, "He's out of the way - he's fine."

So anyway, the night was a success.

Sunday was excellent because for the first time in a long time Mike and I simply lounged about slightly hung-over, mindlessly munching on left overs and watching specials on the Discovery channel. That was excellent.

So Saturday Mike and I have four hour tattoo appointments. Each. I'm kind of at a loss here. I want to finish up my arm but have no ideas. I could not believe I found myself looking at angel tattoos online last night trying to stimulate some creative juices. All I learned is that my tattoo is much better than most.

I finally sent my tattoo artist Larry some pictures of my arm to refresh his memory and sent him a beautiful photo of sky I found and told him to do what he wanted which is what I told him the last two times I went. So far so good. Here's where we are now:

We'll continue the pink rays of light around this other side here along with maybe more flowers:

Here's my angel:

For my shoulder and as filler in between the pink rays of light I'm thinking something sort of like this:

Not as bright though. It will steal all the attention away from my angel so I'd like it to be mostly grayscale with just touches of blues and whites and pinks.

Mike's getting this bad boy done:

I'll post some pics after we heal so you can see what we ended up with. Here's hoping.....

I'm so bad at naming posts - It's just an update

2008-06-18T15:53:00.003-04:00

I've been going through one of those random extremely busy periods. Work has been so insane that I have no idea what's going on in the world because I haven't checked the news in weeks. All I know is what I hear on tv every morning in the four minutes it takes me to eat my cereal. After work I just don't know where the time goes anymore.

I thought I'd get down a quick update since exhaustion is finally setting in and I just can't work on my special project one more second today. Yes, I have a "special project" and it ain't that special. It's also going to be my special project for the remainder of my time at this organization which can be a long time. My job position keeps growing horizontally.

Since my last update my brother Doug visited from Washington state and Mike and I went to Cape May for a few days and had a really wonderful, relaxing time. It really was just a fantastic trip. I have a really great tan and have been getting more compliments since I got back than I've ever gotten. Had I known what a difference a tan could make I'd have made suntanning a priority all these past few years. I refuse to pay for it so I'll just have to maintain it as best I can and try not to get skin cancer.

Doug's visit was a blast. We were able to spend time together in a way that we haven't since......well, a long time. A brown car comes to mind and a Blues Traveler single cassette. We bashed around Philly for an afternoon and then surprised the hell out of mom who was waiting for me at my house for a nice weekend visit. A great dinner followed and some wine and a game of Scattergories.

The next day we took mom to see Cirque Du Soleil which was really extraordinary. I was very sad when Doug left with mom later that night but he was in a rush (his friends were waiting in N. Jersey) so it was probably best because it was a quick hug and he was on his way. We all know a good time was had by all so there was no need to be sad but it was a special visit and I didn't want it to end so fast.

I want to post pictures but who knows when I'll get around to it.

Oh, I made California roll and it was a heartbreaking waste of money. I bought everything from the rolling mat to the pickled ginger and it just came out pretty bad. For the effort, you're so much better off just paying $3.95 for a roll. I tried to eat what I made on two separate occasions in the same day and both times I just couldn't get more than one piece down. Four rolls went right into the garbage. I'm not quite sure what I did wrong, but I won't be trying again any time soon. Maybe I'll make like Samantha and Smith in Sex and the City and take a class. (I saw that movie and I LOVED IT. I said it! I LOVED IT! Thanks, Kel, for inviting me even though I never saw the show)

New Sidebar

2008-05-29T10:34:00.003-04:00

You may notice I've added a "Things I want to do this Year" sidebar to this blog. I was inspired by Kelly who made a list of 101 things she wants to do in 1001 days.

I have no intention of adding to the list actual "goals", but rather little things I want to do and unfortunately just forget about. Like making and trying couscous. I always forget about that! But my friend David just told me he had couscous last night so it reminded me.

It'll be a running list. Feel free to make recommendations!

Birthday weekend

2008-05-27T08:58:00.002-04:00

This past weekend was incredible - very full, very fun, very diverse. Friday Mike and I got all dolled up and went to Sagami, a Japanese restaurant in Collingswood that supposively has the best sushi in the region. It was amazing! We really enjoyed our food. No fake crab in my California roll but Alaskan King Crab and I also got soft shell crab roll. We also planned ahead and Mike brought some Kirin with him to drink and I brought a bottle of Gruner which is supposed to pair very well with sushi. It did.

Afterwards we went home and changed and had a drink and went to a bar not too far from home to see a swing band we like. We drank $2 PBR's and even swing danced to an Eddie and the Cruisers song I really like. Mike reminded me that was another birthday gift.

Saturday morning Mike woke me up with beautiful flowers he had picked up early in the morning at the Farmers Market and gave me my presents. Once we were awake and ready we went out for pancakes and headed to the giant Collingswood May Fair where we walked around and checked out the hundreds of cars at the Classic Car Show and checked out the crafts and jewelry. We had perfect weather.

Once we got home it was time for a nap so we slept for a few hours then got ready all over again and headed to our friends Maria and Kevin's house. Unbeknownst to me we were going to my SURPRISE party. A whole bunch of my friends were there and it was awesome. Maria had tons of food and Amy made me two cakes. Rudy picked up my favorite beer. It was awesome! We played Apples to Apples and all hung out until late.

However, this all made the 7:30 am rendezvous to go hiking the next morning a wee bit difficult. But we all made it and Sunday morning me, Mike, Rudy, Kat and Mike May headed up to the DE Water Gap. My eight mile hike to Sunfish Pond was vetoed so we opted for a much shorter hike although it was to the top of Mount Tammany, the highest point in the Gap. Lets just say we basically rock climbed for two hours to get to the top of this thing. There were times I could hardly believe what we were doing. It was awesome, difficult, beyond our skill level, exhausting, and pretty crazy altogether. I am so glad I didn't pick the route. In fact it was downright dangerous at times.

Getting down was practically just as bad but for different reasons. For some reason there were fist sized to foot sized rocks everywhere and you had to step from rock to rock (lots of them turned out to be loose) or you had to maneuver around them. This went on for two miles and the land was never flat. After a while my ankles were really hurting from the constant twisting and turning. Luckily no one rolled their ankles although we all had some close calls.

We had beautiful weather and the hike really was awesome. It was real hiking not just a walk in the woods so I was very satisfied. And we saw some amazing sights and a gorgeous waterfall that looked like something out of a movie. We all agreed to go again and also agreed to go camping. I really wanted to start getting more into the outdoorsy stuff and now I am so I am pretty happy about that.

Pictures to come.

So Sunday we fell asleep very early. Monday Mike had to go back to work and I was home so I woke up very early as a result of going to bed so early and got lots done. I was able to lay out from 1:00 - 3:00 and overall, just had a nice relaxing end to a very fun and full weekend. Turning 26 wasn't so bad after all.

Weekend Recap

2008-05-19T15:37:00.006-04:00

This past weekend was particularly good

Friday: Kicked Mike's ASS in two back to back games of Monopoly

Saturday: Took a nice bike ride around Cooper River. I only did two laps since the paved path was far too crowded with pedestrians and the traffic of the next day's rowing meet. Took a nap with Mike when he got home. We did our own thing Saturday night. Stayed up until 2:00 am by myself watching Must Love Dogs and eating ice cream out of the carton. John Cusack's worst movie.

Sunday: Mike was off - a rare treat. We had soft pretzels for breakfast and made it to an 11:15 matinée showing of Iron Man. Very good. I really enjoyed it. Went home, cleaned the house, took a nap and went out to a very early dinner. Got home and played Monopoly in the daylight for the first time ever. I lost. Cleaned the house some more.

I knew I was just exhausted last week so a relaxing weekend was just what the dr. ordered. Now I'm ready for a wonderful birthday weekend scheduled to kick-off Friday with a birthday dinner at Sagami in Collingswood - the best Japanese in the region. Saturday is the Collingswood car show and Saturday night we're going to a friend's house for some Apples to Apples and beer. Sunday is hiking in the DE Water Gap and Monday I'm off and will have the day to myself. It's not Disney World, but it sounds like a pretty kick-ass birthday weekend to me.

Friday is monopoly night - the best night

2008-05-16T10:50:00.003-04:00

Last night I had particularly bad dreams - nightmares in fact. This is not rare for me. All my anxiety comes out in the form of awful situations in my dreams and this has been happening for many many years now.

But last night was different. I had the most beautiful baby girl. I loved her to pieces when I looked at her, but yet I was constantly leaving her home alone and finding myself surprised to see her when I got back and then I would feel this unrelenting guilt upon forgetting about her. I'd notice she needed to be changed then get distracted and leave her all alone again. I was the world's worst mother. And she really was so beautiful.

This didn't come out of nowhere and nope, I'm not pregnant nor will I be any year soon. My friends just had a beautiful baby boy, Patrick, and we went to visit him Saturday. He fell asleep in my arms. And yesterday on the way home from work I found myself wondering if I really ever want to be responsible for a human life. I never considered myself a selfish person until faced with the thought of a child.

In another segment of my nightmares I got in a brawl with someone who gives me anxiety in real life. I finally got to say everything I've wanted to say. This is just sad (pathetic). I really need to find a better way to deal with this shit. I can't keep having late night brawls in my head.

I went to yoga last night and it was the best class I've taken so far. I was a little disappointed I had the nightmares since I felt so at peace after the yoga but I guess it may have just enhanced my thoughts? I don't know. Maybe it was just a coincidence. I am quite sore today but it's that really nice soreness. My back is very sore but it's simply from keeping good posture. I feel like I got an alignment. Now if I could just try to stay straight.

It's disgusting out - dark, rainy, some flooding. But I welcome it. It's Friday and I am just so damn tired again. And I'm still on this Japanese kick so I'm going to bear the weather soon for a mile walk to get some california roll.

I'm gonna kick Mike's ass in monopoly tonight.

Grades

2008-05-13T09:15:00.002-04:00

I got two A's this semester - one in Sociology and one in U.S. History I. I suspected I would get two A's but seeing them in black and white is very nice.

Current Events: Philadelphia

2008-05-09T14:49:00.003-04:00

Working in Philadelphia amongst many wonderful black colleagues, you will oftentimes find yourself in enlightening discussions about race. In lieu of Sergeant Liczbinski being slain earlier this week in the line of duty and the next day's horrific police brutality, the topic of race can come up almost constantly.

Today was Liczbinski's funeral essentially next door at Saints Peter and Paul Cathedral. The events of the day unfolded much as they did back in November for Officer Cassidy's funeral after he was slain upon entering a Dunkin Donuts for his morning coffee. Thousands of police officers from around the tri-state area, and some from even farther, flooded the Benjamin Franklin Parkway and surrounding area. A live feed was provided from within the Cathedral.

Upon walking in to work this morning I was faced with yet again photos from the beating laid down on three black men earlier this week in all the newspapers. I carefully commented and wondered aloud to two of my black colleagues that the suspects had just shot three men. Although the beating was excessive, isn't trying to murder three people also excessive? Isn't this beating in at least some way, justified? We all felt the same way.

Well, it turns out that these three men may not have been the men that had just tried to shoot three other men on a street corner. It's much more plausible (and the investigation is still pending) that the police mistook one of the gentleman for the at-large accomplice to the Lizcbinski slaying and jumped to some terrible conclusions. The whole shooting suspect thing: a mere cover-up for a case of mistaken identity.

In talking to my two colleagues this morning, I was tremendously enlightened to what being a black parent in this city entails. Ken's son was visiting from Atlanta this week and he expressed the constant fear of his son being in town out and about while the entire Philadelphia police force looked for the at-large accomplice. He said he found himself checking in on his son hourly and couldn't sleep at night until his son was safely inside the house.

Toni told me of her son's experiences this week. Apparently, many times this week he had been out on the street hanging out with his friends and police would roll up, get out of their cars and stand and stare, trying to figure out if one of them was Eric Floyd, the wanted suspect. They would finally come to a conclusion that they were not who they were looking for and move on.

According to Toni, the goal of a black parent in this city is to get their child to see the age of 30, "but you don't stop worrying about them until they're 65." Ken nodded his head in agreement the entire time.

I think a lot of people are intimidated by the topic of race and especially racism. In my personal experience, my questions and curiosities are welcomed by my black colleagues. I think knowledge and understanding is key and I'm big on questions.

The conversations continued at length over the day and overall, I'm grateful to have been a part of them. Philadelphia is a difficult place. You can live here quite happily I'm sure if you maintain a level of ignorance, but being aware can make you very sad and very confused. I don't always understand why some people choose to live in a bubble and have no clue what goes on outside, but I do understand the results - a more blissful existence.

As an addendum, today I was greatly saddened and angered. Ken and I were outside when we looked over and saw a Paterson, NJ police officer urinating in the middle of the Benjamin Franklin Parkway. And laughing. And the four officers with him were laughing. A homeless man walked by and mentioned to me and Ken that we should call the police. This man clearly was also angered by the spectacle (although what he said clearly has an ounce of humor).

Ken refused to look again. Ken refuses to look at police officers in general and he's explained this to me on many occasions. "Jess, if I only told you half the shit about how officers treat black men in this city!" I, however, stared. When the officer got into the car he sat and stared right back at me. Then he laughed at me and shut the door.

I was infuriated. What this man did was wrong on so many levels. The obvious: it's illegal. Secondly, children were in clear view. Thirdly, Sergeant Liczbinski's funeral procession had just traveled down the same road less than an hour beforehand. Fourthly, he was an out of town police officer. I really could go on and on.

Ken thought this behavior was typical. "Jess, I've seen cops in full uniform in alleyways with women bent over in front of them."

Great. Maybe in twenty years I'll be just as desensitized as Ken, but for now, I can be naive and ask my questions and get mad when I see an officer violate the law. This entire week has been overwhelming for this city and you can feel it in the air. It's like a black cloud has settled.

Quick and Dirty

2008-05-07T16:04:00.002-04:00

Tonight's my last final exam for the semester - Sociology. I don't care anymore. I probably won't look at my notes again until I'm sitting in class at 7:59 waiting for my teacher to hand out the exams. I'm so ready for this semester to be over.

I don't have a free night until next Tuesday, which is mildly disappointing but I'm grateful for this sudden onslaught of having a life. But at the same time I'm looking forward to things getting back to normal. Dare I say I miss my cooking. Last night's dinner consisted of two Philadelphia soft pretzels and ghast, I've been buying my lunch everyday!

Mike is taking two ASE certification tests next Tuesday so I promised to help him study as best I can over the next few days but I feel awful that there's no time. I'll have to figure that one out.

My brother, Joey, is in town and I'm looking forward to seeing him Saturday. Going up north is becoming increasingly difficult. It's like being homeless. Every minute must be accounted for or else I end up sitting in a Starbucks reading or going to my mom's, which is great, but planned visits are much more satisfying. Having no where to go and going to my mom's brings me back to my teenage years of stewing at my mom's house because I have no where to go. It was agonizing then and I still hate the feeling now.

So Saturday I'll pop in to Rogue Comics for my Potter figures and chat with Pete for a little while and I'm trying to confirm lunch plans with some of my girlfriends. After that is beyond me. I have to eventually meet up with Joe but I don't want to get there too early seeing as I'll be there until roughly 9:00 am the following morning.

I am very ready for vacation in June.

A little chuckle

2008-05-07T15:03:00.002-04:00

So Georgia is banning the sale of marijuana flavored lollipops called Pot Suckers. Good for them.

Thank you, Senator Doug Stoner for passing this bill in the Senate. hehe

http://www.wsbtv.com/news/16186311/detail.html

A weekend purchase

2008-04-28T13:35:00.005-04:00

I bought a bicycle Saturday with the help of my brother, Doug, who pointed me in the right direction. I had been wanting one for a while and enjoyed using Mike's, but the time was ripe to get my own especially since Mike actually started using his leaving me with nothing.

It's a Schwinn Sierra comfort aka hybrid bike. It's all-purpose! It has disc brakes and front fork shocks (weird at first but then quite lovely) and it has a quick release front tire and a comfy seat and you change the gears much like you would on a motorcycle. I like it a lot. I'm not thrilled about the hunter green but the colors were slim pickings and Mike assured me it would get banged up over time anyway. I also got a dorky helmet to protect my noggin. Nope, it doesn't match the bike. Again, the colors were slim pickings on the helmets too.

So Mike and I were both very excited to "go exploring" today. Our plan was to take the trail by our house to the right (we usually go left to the lake) and see how far it would take us. But alas, it's miserable out and consistently raining. We'll get our next chance after finals are over.

But I can say that both Mike and I are generally very excited about getting outdoors. I hoped my excitement would be contagious and it was. Mike got on the bike and bought a new fishing pole and really enjoys getting out of the house almost immediately after work before the sun stars to set. It's been wonderful. I've been finding bike trails and he's been talking to people and texting me with names of places for me to look up that his co-workers recommend. It's a blast!

Kayaking the Pineys

2008-04-15T09:36:00.010-04:00

Thankfully the weather held last Sunday and I was able to meet up with Neil, the organizer of The Best South Jersey Kayaking Meetup Group Ever!, and go on out to Batsto Lake in the Pine Barrens to do some kayaking.

It really was a gorgeous day - bright blue skies and upper fifties/lower sixties the whole time we were out. We parked at Batsto Lake and a friend of Neil's was kind enough to let us throw the kayaks and gear on his Prius and drive us the several miles through the Barrens to where we'd launch. If you're not familiar with the Barrens, which I was not, there are these extremely long, scary one lane "roads" that just run all through that area. Supposively, they are the same roads traveled by Washington (the main road is called the Washington Turnpike) and his troops during the Revolutionary War. I admit I was slightly nervous being out there with strangers but my awe and surprise that such a monstrosity of dense woods could exist in New Jersey took precedence over my fear.

We finally reached the launching area which seemed to me no more than a creek about ankle deep and very narrow.

Launch

I got a quick paddling instruction on land and I was off. I wouldn't say kayaking is difficult. But kayaking down a narrow, shallow river that's more like a stream is quite challenging. I accidentally beached myself on shallow sandbars and weird mounds of red algae numerous times and I crashed quite a few times. Maneuvering fallen trees and very low lying branches while navigating the narrowness, shallowness and curviness of the river was challenging. There wasn't much time for reflection until several hours into the trip. Oh, and not to mention that all those branches you either duck under or get swiped in the face by all have huge spiders on them.

We took a break 3.5 miles into the trip. I wasn't aware how much I needed it until I stood up and ate a pear. Ten minutes later back in the kayak the paddle felt much lighter.

The river gradually became deeper and wider and the trip got a little easier and there were times I could just coast a little. We saw hundreds of turtles over the course of the trip. They were everywhere! Neil was excellent at pointing out all the wildlife and helping me to sneak up on the turtles to get these shots:

We eventually ended up in what looked like a lake, but wasn't. I don't know what to call it but it was gorgeous. These pictures are from that area:

After paddling through the fake lake, we made it into the real lake and I didn't get any pictures because the wind really picked up out on the flat lake and we really had to struggle to get across it. In all the trip was six miles and took about four hours give or take. When we got to the lake with only a quarter of a mile left was the first time we saw another human. It was just us out in the middle of this lake and hikers along the edge were taking pictures of us.

The whole experience left me feeling small. We were certainly the intrusion out on the river and by no means was it our turf. The experience also left me feeling hopeful. I didn't know such a huge pocket of nature and beauty existed in New Jersey and it makes me happy to know that we haven't yet destroyed all of nature. I'm also proud of myself in a way. I really wanted to get out there and try something new and I found a way. I did something that the majority of the world may not get to experience. I look forward to getting out there again.

Neil

Goal Report 2 of 2 for January - April Challenge

2008-04-11T09:16:00.006-04:00

I'm going to make you read a while before disclosing my success or failure. In case you missed the first report, please click here to bring yourself up to speed.

So I had to lose 7.8 lbs. in two weeks to make the 15 lb. weight loss goal. Last week I lost 3.4 lbs. leaving me with 4.4 lbs. to lose this past/current week

I went all out, pulled every ace out of my sleeve and, in my opinion, kicked ass. I scarcely ate yesterday and when I did the choices were deliberate and strategically chosen. I went to yoga again and it was awesome again. Afterwards, my friend Kelly and I stopped in at a coffee shop where I drank a double shot of espresso straight. The logic behind this was that I would burn calories all through the night and give my metabolism one last shock to the system.

This is where I hope to amuse you with my neurosis.

So, naturally, I couldn't sleep. Not just because of the caffeine, but also due to the anxiety of weighing in this morning. I tossed and turned all night and finally at 3:00 am, it hit me. If you weigh in now, you can put an end to all this madness and get some rest.

So I got up, stripped down, and weighed myself. I was shocked! Still an entire 1.6 pounds off from making my goal! I stepped off the scale thinking what an awful time it was for the scale to break and stepped back on. The result was the same.

So I threw my clothes back on and went and laid back down. Then another thought hit me. You can go running! You still have three hours to try to make this goal! Yeah, well, that thought left as soon as it came and I instead chugged an entire nalgene bottle full of water and proceeded to toss and turn until 6:10 when I got up, peed, stripped down and got back on the scale. The result was 2 ounces less than it was three hours earlier.

So alas, I fell short of my fifteen pound goal by exactly 1.4 lbs.

I'm mildly disappointed but also happy to move on to the next challenge. I lost 13.6 pounds in 2 and a half months. I started in the 180's and am now in the 160's.

I also learned a whole lot about my body since January and limits and moderation. I also learned that the last two weeks were pretty miserable and how I never ever want to be a prisoner to food like some people I know. I learned I really need to become even more active since I love food so much. Sacrificing food because you're too lazy to exercise is unacceptable. You'll inevitably fail, or worse, condemn yourself to a life of misery and guilt. My habits have changed, my outlooks have changed and mentally, something just sort of "happened". I honest to God don't think I could go back and do some of the things I may have done six months ago ever again. This challenge helped me to re-wire the part of brain that deals with food, diet and exercise. So for that, it was a success. *Actually, I'd like to add here that it wasn't just this challenge. I think this challenge was the final icing on the cake after three cumulative much healthier years - each one a little better than the previous one. I've changed these past three years. For the better.

So here's some stats for the past fifteen weeks:

Starting weight January 4, 2008: 183.4 (includes Christmas heft)
Ending weight April 11, 2008: 169.8
Average weight: 176.35
Average weekly weight loss: .91

So here's some privileged information for you from 2007:

Starting weight 2007: 175.8
Highest weight 2007: 178
Lowest weight 2007: 169.2
Average weight 2007: 173.3

Note that I am currently a mere 6 ounces away on April 11 from my lowest weight of the entire 2007 year.

I understand that the stats for the average weekly weight loss for the past fifteen weeks are skewed and useless. It includes ups, downs, and three pound losses. However, I'm going to use it anyway. The next challenge is a mini: 6 weeks. We start with today's weight and the final date is May 23 - the day before my 26th birthday. I learned these past fifteen weeks my body likes moderation and consistency so my goal is six pounds in six weeks: realistic and attainable.

In case you're wondering why I just spilled all this obsessive, personal information, I did it for me not for you. If you care, cool. If not, cool. This blog helped me to walk through how I really feel about all this and give myself a fair and honest evaluation.

And as promised, here is the line graph for the past fifteen weeks.

Jessica = red line
Mike = black line

I don't know how to make it not too small or not too blurry, but you get the point.

And just for shits and giggles, here's last year's graph. Where there are line breaks, we skipped weighing in that week.

Mike kicked my ass! LOL.

So you won't here from me about all this again until May 23.

Now back to less purposeful blogging......

Goal Report 1 of 2

2008-04-04T09:04:00.002-04:00

In case you're just tuning in, as of today I have seven more days to meet a goal. That goal is to have lost 15 lbs. from January 4 through April 11.

Friday. Weigh Day. I lost 3.4 lbs this week and have to lose 4.4 in the next seven days to meet my goal. I really was hoping for a larger loss this week to take some of the pressure off of next week, but it didn't work out that way obviously. But I feel good and I'm down a total of 10.6 lbs since January 4.

I evaluated last week's "performance" and see where there is room for improvement so I have a plan for next week. That plan is completely reliant on not abusing the open bar at tomorrow night's venison dinner. Very poor timing for an open bar dinner. So I will be the designated driver.

I attended my first yoga class last night and it exceeded my expectations. The studio was fantastic - the wood floor had large knots and natural splitting, the colors and paintings on the wall were inspirational, there were orchids, candles, and deity figures strategically placed about. The class was small - about ten of us - but the studio wouldn't have accommodated more than maybe three more. Everyone was friendly especially our young, perky teacher. The setting was intimate.

The class was one and a half hours and it seemed like a play with many different acts. I knew yoga was a spiritual experience but I wasn't aware that aspect would be represented in structured classes. I'm so glad it was. I'm eager to go back next week. Although I admit I am quite surprised by how incredibly sore I am today, especially my lower back. But I feel longer and straighter.

Overall, I'd say the week was for the most part a successful one. I understand the body isn't meant to lose more than 2-3 lbs in a week so I should be pleased with this week's progress and I am.

Will Jessica make her goal? Will the weather allow her to go kayaking? Who knows! So tune in next Friday! And as an additional bonus for tuning in, get a chance to check out Jessica's weight loss line graph!

Quick update

2008-04-01T16:18:00.002-04:00

So far so good for this week:

I have an exam tonight that I hope to take before my head explodes. I'm feeling really good about it but will feel better when it's over
I'm down 3 plus pounds since Friday. I'm kicking major booty this week and that goal is looking in reach. Amazing so far for two reasons:

I sat at a hibachi table last night and only ate two california rolls. No hibachi. Impressive, right?
I didn't stress eat while studying and pining over this exam. Nice, huh?

I start my first yoga class this Thursday. I got a pretty mat and a pretty bag. I can't believe it took me all this time to just pick a class and friggin go to it. Geez. But it's never too late.
Weather permitting, I'll be going on my first kayaking trip EVER April 12. So stoked. I bet I'll love it.

Knock on wood that things keep looking on the up and up.

T.G.I.F.

2008-03-28T08:49:00.003-04:00

This week was particularly long and stressful. I plan to do as little work as possible today and simply count down the hours until I get to blow out of this taco stand.

I'm hoping the weekend will be quite cleansing. We don't have plans which is a welcomed break so I intend to do some spring cleaning and put away all the winter decorations, get the spring stuff up, and do some yard work. I also hope to alleviate some pressure by spending several hours studying both Saturday and Sunday for Tuesday night's exam. I haven't done a really thorough cleaning since before Christmas so I'm looking forward to it. I'm also looking forward to going jogging - something I haven't done in over two weeks.

I'm disgusted with my weight right now. Three weeks ago I was down 10.4 lbs. for the new year and as of today I am only down 7.2 lbs. The goal deadline is only two weeks away. Can I lose 7.8 lbs. in 14 days? Yes. Will I? I don't know.

But I gave myself a serious pep talk this morning and I'm pulling the ace out of my sleeve. I have a plan and I'm sticking to it so God help me. I'm just so sick and tired of not following through. I set the terms and conditions for this goal and I will make this goal.

Three years ago I was 16 pounds lighter than I am today. I don't think I'll really start to feel GREAT until I get back down and past that weight. It was close enough in the past that I remember it and can still see the number on the scale.

So anyway, I wish spring would friggin get here. There's been such a chill in the air. I have big plans for this spring/summer. I'm getting out there in the world. Never again will I waste a summer.

Stuck in a rut with a broken leg

2008-03-19T15:25:00.003-04:00

I don't have a broken leg. But I can't seem to get out of this rut I'm in so it must be because when I fell into it I broke my leg. I can't come up with any other explanation.

My weight success has taken a lull with only three weeks to go until judgment day and the looming due date has provided no motivation. Monday I had a chocolate banana split for dinner and watched the National Geographic channel for six hours. And I hate tv, especially tv with commercials.

Yesterday I was feeling overwhelmed so Mike invited me to meet him for coffee after work. That turned into a minor shopping spree where I picked up a new cell phone, two pairs of new Saucony running sneakers (there was a 2 for special), and some new t-shirts and socks at Lady Foot Locker. We then picked up a wedding gift for his cousin so I could cross that off my list and then we headed to Toys "R" us to pick up some baby gifts for my friend's shower and a new board game for us.

I joke and say that Pixar Monopoly has increased the quality of mine and Mike's relationship, but I'm not convinced I'm joking when I say that. We love it! We get to turn off the tv, put on some music, have a drink, laugh and competitively play Monopoly. Sometimes we play for hours! And I think it's a pretty damn good way to spend a night.

But we decided to get a new game so that Monopoly doesn't lose its appeal. After being appalled by the game selection (none of my favorite childhood games were available), we agreed on Life.

After Toys R Us we went out for a carb heavy, oil heavy italian dinner. We got home after 9:00 and settled into a game of Life which ended way too quickly. Why do I remember that game taking hours upon hours to play? We finished the game in 45 minutes and I beat Mike by $50,000.

My point to this Tuesday evening recap was that things were starting to look up.....

until this morning......

when I couldn't take a shower because there was no hot water. There wasn't even warm water. I hope and pray the water heater isn't broken. Mike seems to think that maybe everyone that lives downstairs from us showered before I woke up and used up all the hot water, but I'm not convinced they're the showering type. Meanwhile, we have constant nausea over our roof collapsing since we had a windstorm two weeks ago that the locals call a swall that resulted in a portion of our roof shingles being blown into our backyard, driveway and neighbor's yard. We didn't realize just how bad it was until our neighbors put out the trash and we saw our roof piled inside of one of their cans. We apologized to them and told them we would have been happy to clean it up. They were cool about it.

So alas, yet another reason we are forced to deal with our slimy, no-good, lying, piece of shit landlord.

It's not going well.

So today I decided in an attempt to break free of this rut to make a to do list. I also made an appointment for the blood work I was supposed to have done back in January. I feel that getting things done always helps. And Mike having cleaned the whole apartment yesterday helped too. I'll never take that for granted.

So hopefully I'll feel motivated to try out my new sneaks and end this weight loss challenge with a bang.

Breaking HP News

2008-03-13T11:40:00.002-04:00

The seventh and final installment in the Harry Potter series, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, is being made into two movies.

At first I was totally stoked. But now, I don't know. 7 Books. 7 Movies. I like consistency. So much has been cut from these books for the purpose of making movies and now they say they just can't get the ending right without making this book into two movies. I know they have a lot of loose ends to tie up, and lets face it, Hallows, did have some pretty far fetched ideas, but still.

I can't help thinking The Man is trying to squeeze out a couple more hundred million by splitting the seventh movie into two. But J.K. must have approved, right?

So now the shock and misery of no more HP will not occur until May 2011 when the eighth movie is expected to come out. Don't worry about the actors getting even older. Both movies for Hallows will be shot simultaneously. Like LOTR.

I guess I'll be heading to Universal Studios to experience Hogwarts Castle in 2011 after this eighth movie rather than in 2010. That will be my last hoorah....

....until I have kids and I get to experience the joy and wonder of Harry Potter all over again.

See the article here.

Wasted Time

2008-03-12T18:42:00.003-04:00

I can't study anymore for my exam because I'm just over it and I have 45 minutes to kill before I go take my exam. 45 minutes isn't excatly enough time to do much of anything. There's dishes to wash and clothes to put away, but I thought my blog could use some updating and the laptop is keeping me warm.

This past weekend Mike and I headed up north to see friends and family. Ever since Mike transferred we haven't been up much. We made the mistake of jampacking the weekend and now I think I really know how my brother and sister-in-law feel when they come visit for Christmas.

It was non-stop! And we were hungover the entire time because we never got to sleep off the previous night's festivities so ended up just drinking more the first chance we got. We had a blast don't get me wrong but felt very rushed and committed to a schedule. So many times we had to leave one place before we were ready to and go someplace else later than we meant to.

But we saw everyone and did everything we wanted to do. I won four games of beer pong in a row (yeah, I carried my partner) and after four games of beer pong, you're pretty drunk.

The best exchange of the evening came after all that when I was very drunkenly boasting to Dustin that I lost 10.4 lbs as of that morning! He toook one look at my beer and noted that as of that moment I was only down 5.

Amazing. I weighed myself Monday morning and learned that I packed on 6 lbs in three days. I can forget about another loss this week since I have to spend the remainder of the week simply shedding what I put back on. It's a vicious cycle. However, I highly recommend awareness. If someone told me that over the weekend I'd gain six pounds, I don't think I would have done much differently. It was fun and it comes off with tons of water and tons of spinach.

This Saturday is Rudy's birthday in Atlantic City. You know you're all grown up when "Atlantic City" becomes a line item in your budget two months before you head down there.

Technology woes

2008-02-21T15:35:00.003-05:00

I work for a nonprofit organization. That means if we want to overhaul our website, someone has to fund the project. It's hard to convince a funder to pay for a new website when there's so much other necessary work to be done...like educating children.

We have overhead of course, but there's not enough to fund major projects. Anyway, we got a $35,000 grant six months ago to fund some of our technology needs.

Our relatively new tech guy can't seem to get it through his head though that we are a NONPROFIT organization. He insisted we get Office 2007. He had all the reasons in the world why we had to have it. Then when we got it, he informed us that everything we do must be saved in 97-2003 compatibility mode because none of our partners have Office 2007.

No shit.

So every time I'm at the copier and this guy walks by he always sighs and mentions how we have to get a new copier. Well, I'm done listening to this clownshoe.

"Why?" I ask, emphasizing my annoyance.

"Because we need a color copier. And they have new ones now where you can actually send copy jobs from your desktop."

"I have been here for almost four years and never once have I heard anyone complain that they couldn't make color copies. And why do we have to copy from our desktop? It's a pretty small office and people like getting up once in a while."

"It will make us all more efficient."

"We're a NON-profit. If it's not broken, don't fix it."

You may think I sounded like a bitch just then, but let me explain. This guy would never ever get permission to do HALF the shit he says he's going to do. It's not up to him, it's up to our finance director. I'm so sick of hearing about his big plans.

Today it was that he wants to get the leadership staff using RSS feeds. I'm not going to lie. I don't know exactly what that is. But if I'm not familiar with it and never heard anyone express a need for it, then I can pretty much guarantee you that our 55+ average aged leadership staff won't see the need for it either.

I'm all about upgrading and being more efficient. We're not like that episode of the Office here where Michael thought upgrading was a nasty ploy to rub out all the older folks. We got Outlook up and running over the past two days and that's great because our e-mail system was WHACK and really quite ridiculous. We recently got Raiser's Edge because our development records were actually on real paper and in real paper folders.

We're totally growing up and it's very cool. But I just can't stand when this guy says we need to set up conference calls via web cam. Our partners are dirt, shit, poor and what the hell is the point of using webcams when none of the people we do business with on a day to day business have webcams! People in the nonprofit sector typically don't make a lot of money and typically do a lot the old fashioned way. There are about a million exceptions to what I'm saying but I'm not talking about WWF or United Way; I'm talking about your organizations who have four employees that work their asses off and do great work.

And for the love of God, someone tell me why this guy bought me a new computer last year that can burn DVD's but not CD's!? I have to go to him every time I need a CD burned. Should work computers even have the ability to watch or burn DVD's? That seems a little odd to me.

Anyway, this guy has come up with some ridiculous shit. Everything is urgent too. We're talking about a guy who walks into meetings without a pen or paper too and you actually have to say, "you may want to get a pen and paper."

But nevertheless, I am now an Office 2007 user and an Outlook user. Every time I open the 2003 version of Word at home, I get confused. It's like jumping on my brother's old hand-me-down word processor.

He went to Kay!

2008-02-15T09:45:00.003-05:00

Last night was the best Valentine's Day of my life. Actually, it was the best Valentine's Day of my life SO FAR. Mike and I had a great time. I won't bore you with all the details but we had a nice candlelit fish dinner with some Toad the Wet Sprocket in the background. We had a drink, we chatted, and while I went to get a slice of cheesecake for us to share for dessert, Mike put a Kay Jewelers bag in my place.

This was inside

Well, not exactly that but you get the idea. Mine is 1/4 karat. My first ever diamond from Mike!

A brief history: Two years ago Mike and I were out to dinner for V-Day and he slid a jewelry box over to me. Inside were beautiful tear drop earrings! Mike immediately told me that they weren't real diamonds, but very excitedly informed me that the actual earrings were real gold! I'd like to add to this story that before we went to dinner Mike gave me a box of chocolates and a spice rack.

I'll let that sink in.

Yep, a spice rack. I didn't know what to do! I was shocked. How unromantic! Mike chimed in that he knew I needed one when we moved so really, how could I be mad? So I said thank you and that I loved it, but a spice rack! I later found out the whole spice rack was a diversion. I was supposed to think that was my gift. That Michael is a very smart man when he sets his mind to something.

Back to last night, remembering my earrings, after seeing my necklace, I looked up and asked very carefully if my necklace was real. I think he was glad I asked because he was very excited to tell me that there was a 1/4 karat of diamonds in the charm and the chain was real white gold. He was very pleased and I of course, was thrilled.

I'm wearing my necklace now and the excitement hasn't worn off. After things calmed down last night and we settled in to watch a movie, Mike gave me some of the details of his jewelry shopping experience. For starters, he informed me that he walked in and asked to see the necklace from the commercial.

Thank you, Kay Jewelers, for barraging my man with commercials and knowing that it is a very good idea to also advertise on the Speed Channel along with every other channel available. You are relentless, Kay, and I am pleased to inform you that your efforts have paid off.

I'd like to note that although I smile at those commercials all the time, especially the one where the little boy writes KAY in crayon on a box and puts a papier mache necklace in it for his 7 year old girlfriend, I never said I wanted this necklace. So again, Kay, congratulations.

All joking aside, probably the second best moment last night, opening my necklace being the first, was when Mike told me how good he felt when he bought it and walked out with the little pretty bag. I don't even know what to say to that. I can only smile.

Bohemian Rhapsody......Drunk

2008-02-12T19:09:00.001-05:00

Well, we're all famous now, but Roman is the star of this show.

Yakitori Boy

2008-02-11T09:14:00.000-05:00

Saturday night some friends, Mike, and me headed in to Philly for cheese steaks, had a few beers at one of my favorite Philly haunts, Tattooed Mom's (the upstairs) and then made our way over to Chinatown to what all we knew was a brand new Japanese Karaoke bar. Our friend's co-worker was having a party there and he invited us so we kind of crashed the party.

Upon walking in, I was pretty damn impressed. We were whisked away escorted through a very nice looking restaurant and sushi bar to an elevator where we were brought to the second floor, out through a very large posh looking bar to a hallway with many doors on each side. Each door had a small slit window so you could see in just enough. I couldn't help but smile. One room exposed two girl friends dancing rather vivaciously in a small room amongst their friends to what I'm sure was either a Madonna or Spice Girls song. Another room revealed a bachelor-ette party doing more of the same.

Our escort opened the door to what was to be our party and there sat a handful of drunk Asians singing God only knows what.

It was a small room and hot so we hit the bar for some Sapporo. I later ventured back for a decent rendition of the duet Summer Lovin' (Grease) with a new friend. I know everyone gets a little hotter the drunker one gets, but does that work for singing? I can't help but wonder if the sake and Sapporo improved my voice or at least how it was received.

We planned to stay for fifteen minutes, stayed for five hours. At one point, I was singing in the little room thinking to myself how much it was just like the karaoke scene in the movie Lost in Translation minus Scarlett's pink wig when a waiter brought in the most beautiful and BIGGEST platter of California, salmon, and eel rolls. The ginger was formed into the shape of a flower as was the wasabi molded into a similar shape. It was the freshest and most delicious California roll I've ever had. Yes, I was drunk. But I really think it was.

Later my group ended up at the large bar and Rudy, Roman, Jay and Mike belted out the funniest and most enthusiastic version of Journey's Don't Stop Believing I think anyone ever heard. The whole bar applauded. I then took on Lisa Loeb's Stay and Mike seems to think the bartender turned off the music after my performance. I think he's just picking on me - I did fine.

Really. ;-)

Anyway, the night ended around 3 am with all of us crammed back into the little room, all of us singing at the top of our lungs to none other than Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody head banging and all. You know it. And let me tell you something, there's something pretty damn cool about being drunk, drinking Japanese red wine out of the bottle and singing Bohemian Rhapsody with a bunch of Japanese people you've never met.

I would definitely go back there. The rooms can be rented for $30/hour and vary in size. Before 11:00, the rooms are $15/hour. The bar prices are pretty ridiculous. However, I was told that the food prices are very reasonable which offsets the price of the alcohol. I think that if you rented a room, it may not hurt to bring a bottle of a little something in addition to getting your Sapporo at the bar. Overall, I really liked the place and would totally have a party there.

But I think my friends and especially Mike have had enough of my voice to last a while.

Are you Ready for some Football?

2008-02-05T09:45:00.001-05:00

Oh, man! What an excellent game!

This was the first time in my life I sat and watched a whole Super bowl game start to finish and the commercials and the half-time show. I thought it was all fantastic!

The game was very exciting. It was anyone's game through to the last throw, but the Giants defense held Brady back that last minute. Mike's phone started blowing up with congratulatory sentiments after Burress caught that last touchdown. He just started picking up the phone and shouting, "The game's not over!" and hanging up. My mom had the audacity to call during the last minute of the game and Mike told me I better not answer it. I didn't. Then she called again.

I totally understand now why my brothers would yell at me for walking in front of the tv at a crucial moment growing up or why Mike doesn't always listen to me during a game. The adrenaline was just pumping through the room and our favorite team was a minute away from winning the Super Bowl.

Well, we won. No one predicted we would get that far and no one predicted we would win. It was a fun season - my first full football season of being a real fan and actually watching the games even if Mike was at work. I totally earned my Umenyiora jersey.

And I can name more than four players!

Still learning about him

2008-02-05T09:23:00.000-05:00

Saturday night around 10:00 PM I was laying in bed watching a really crap movie. I heard Mike come in from working in the garage and then heard from the hall, "Jess?". It wasn't a quick loud "Jess?" like where are you? but definitely more of an I need you, Jess.

"What's wrong?"
"Can you come here?"

I got up and walked into the hall and there's Mike leaning against the wall.
"I got something in my finger."

"Ok. Do you need to go to the emergency room?"
"No, but I'm whoozy."

So I helped him to the couch and sat him down so that I could assess the situation all the while thinking he's been poisoned. He was dripping wet and very pale. Down the side of his index finger were two large scrapes/cuts and then near the tip I could tell he had a large metal splinter.

"Mike, lets go to the emergency room."
"No, just get it out, " he manages to slur out.
"When was your last Tetanus shot?"
"Last year."

So I ran some tweezers and manicure scissors under scalding water and went to work. He was so wet I thought for sure he had splashed cold water on his face while I was prepping my surgical tools. Getting out the broken jagged piece of metal was trying work partly because it wasn't on a 45 degree angle like most splinters but more like a 70 degree angle if not more. Mike's heavy breathing and inability to sit up straight were also no help.

"Mike, I'm not qualified for this. Look at you, you have to go the emergency room. I think this metal poisoned you."
"brah brate hrroodd."
"What!?"
"I hate blood."

That explains it. It was difficult not to laugh and say, are you serious? Aww, my tough guy hates blood.

"Just get it out."
"Ok, I'm going to cut the skin around the opening so I have a larger opening."
"Please don't tell me what you do, just do it."

So I changed my insertion point and finally got hold and slowly and carefully got this piece of scrap metal out of Mike's finger. I took it over to the pharmacist who said he should be fine since his Tetanus shot was within the past year and a half and I got some peroxide and bandages with antibiotics.

I came home and Mike was looking better but not fully there.

"Do you feel ok?"
"Yeah, I just hate blood."
"Do you want a shot of whiskey?"
"Yes."

After the shot, Mike was pretty much fine and back to his self which meant I could start teasing him about the whole blood thing.

"So you're covered in tattoos, but you hate blood?"
"That's not surprise blood - it's on purpose."

Makes sense.

"So, Mike, if I needed you to cut metal out of my finger, would you do it?"
"I'd have to take you to the emergency room."

Do my eyes deceive me.....

2008-02-01T08:49:00.000-05:00

.......or did someone request a follow-up post? Woo-hoo! Thanks, Jackie!

Mike and I did go to Wegman's last Friday and picked out some new vegetables. We got an eggplant, beets, and radishes but later we actually got three more things which I'll get to in a moment.

Sunday I roasted the beets. I was a little nervous but really excited when I saw how easy it was to peel the skin off the soft deep purple inside. It was like a very fun experiment that turned out a success. I added chopped pears and julienned fennel (new vegetable picked up Sunday for this recipe). I reduced three cups of orange juice to 1/2 cup and added some fresh lemon juice and let it cool. I then added extra virgin olive oil to that to make a dressing. Voila.

I admit I didn't like the beets very much. I ended up picking the pears out of the salad and did like the purpley beet juice that coated the pears but the beet themselves, not so much. I brought some in to my colleague who loves beets and she loved the salad so I gave the rest to her and some to another colleague who said he'd like to try it. He liked it too.

I put the radishes sliced thinly into salads throughout the week. I liked those - they didn't taste like much of anything. I was waiting for this "bite" or peppery kick everyone told me radishes have but it never came.

The eggplant unfortunately had to be thrown away. We didn't get around to it and I didn't feel like eating anything pan fried (we were going to make eggplant parm) and it went bad.

But Wednesday I went to Whole Foods and got broccoli, white fingerling potatoes, zucchini (Ive had it before but never bought it), and brussel sprouts (never bought, never tried). I roasted all the vegetables starting with the potatoes and brussel sprouts in extra virgin olive oil, salt and pepper. Twenty minutes later I added the zucchini and broccoli and roasted for ten more minutes. This mixture of roasted vegetables was fantastic! I loved it. I served teh veggies with grilled chicken with some melted Havarti with dill cheese and some sweated leeks over top.

The dinner was so good, in fact, that I will be serving it again tonight since mom is sleeping over. She loves fresh vegetables.

Sunday: Deep fried turkey!

Done with winter like I'm done with smoking

2008-01-25T14:49:00.000-05:00

You know you are so over winter when on January 25 you're already researching hiking trails for the spring thaw.

Other than being cold, things are still going very well. I am right on schedule to achieve my 15 pound weight loss goal for January 4 - April 4. There are ten weeks left and I'm just over 1/3 of the way there. It certainly doesn't help that Mike's been kicking ass too. Imagine my surprise Wednesday when I got home from work and Mike was 25 minutes in to a workout on our new exercise bike. Yesterday we worked out together for the first time and it was fun. It's a great reinforcement without any of the resentment that can come with one person being lazy and the other not so much.

But winter really is slow and I'm excited to get outside again.

On another random note, Juno was a great flick. That's definitely one for the collection and I highly recommend it. The first few minutes of dialog (hmmm, was this ever spelled dialogue? I thought it was) may turn you off but surprisingly, you get used to the rough lingo pretty quickly as you start to love the characters.

Mike and I have a date tonight at Wegmans. We're picking out three vegetables we've never had or are totally unfamiliar with. Mike called eggplant and I'm thinking radishes and beets. This is all subject to change of course based on seasonal availability. When we date, we go all out, I know.

Or maybe cauliflower. I don't think I've given it a fair chance.

Happy New Year!

2008-01-16T11:25:00.000-05:00

2008 is off to a great start. I think I may actually succeed in quitting smoking this time too. It's looking pretty damn good.

Christmas was nice. New Years was pleasant. I've been working out and eating right and overall, feel much calmer. Mike went to San Francisco for a few days with his three best friends leaving me a few days to really focus on enjoying a smoke-free environment and exercise. I had a blast. Every night I drank tea in bed and wrote in a journal which I hadn't done in many years. It is so much better than this!

Sorry, blogger, you're great too. I meant no offense.

Probably the biggest highlight was Saturday afternoon. I jogged three miles and then went home and did some pilates and yoga. I was so relaxed I was almost falling asleep on my mat. So I finished up and changed out of my wet clothes. I was still very cold so I got under the covers and just laid there breathing. I never fell asleep. I remained conscience in my consistent ignoring of the silly little chores calling me out of bed. I just laid there, warm and in a little comfort cocoon of body and mind. When I finally decided it was ok to get up, it was an hour and half later. I was shocked, but not upset. It was an amazing experience. I finally was able to turn my mind off.

I love yoga. I love breathing.

Mike started working in his new place today. He said it took him 18 minutes to get to work and there's a chance he'll now be home before me. I think exercise is contagious because he asked if he could use the exercise bike after I'm done today. I think the commute really was just slowly killing him and now he realizes he can actually do things after work like normal people.

School starts next week. I am not excited about that and have enjoyed having the past month off. It's only 15 weeks then school's out for summer. I can do anything for 15 weeks. And I actually am a little excited. Just not a lot.

Here's an excellent winter recipe for some fantastic no guilt potato leek soup that I actually can remember:

1 lb leeks, tough greens removed, thoroughly cleaned and diced (4-5 leeks)
3 tablespoons unsalted butter
Kosher salt
1 qt. organic low sodium vegetable broth
14 oz yukon gold potatoes, peeled, diced small

Melt butter in a soup pot or whatever you want to use to make soup in, add leeks and a generous sprinkling of kosher salt, cook on medium/high heat for 4 -5 minutes.

Turn heat to medium/low and sweat leeks for about 15 minutes. They'll be super soft.

Add broth and potatoes. Bring to a boil. Lower to a simmer and cook for about 20 minutes, until potatoes are very tender.

Take soup off the heat and blend with an immersion blender. Enjoy.

*This recipe originally called for buttermilk and heavy cream to be added at the end. I found that after I blended the soup, the potatoes made the soup plenty creamy so why add the fat.

I could go on about how positive the new year seems but I don't want to bore you. Just trust me.

Why I REALLY need a camera phone

2007-12-20T16:14:00.000-05:00

Occasionally I get a text message from Verizon notifying me that someone sent me a pix message and to log in to my account online to view the picture. I don't get upset that people assume I have a camera phone. Everyone else does.

So this just happened. So I logged into my account.

This is the picture:

Unfortunately Verizon doesn't feel the need to tell you who sent the picture. So my mind started racing. Who do I know whose finger this could be? This is obviously an engagement announcement. Damn, this really is the 21st Century - engagement announcements via camera phone?

Jamie!

So I text Jamie:

"Did you just send me a picture of an engagement ring? I have to view my pics online and it doesn't tell me who sent it. The suspense is killing me!"

About one minute later I receive:

"Yes! :-)"

The conversation beyond that doesn't matter. The point is, if it wasn't Jamie, I would have had to start calling every single friend I have - which wouldn't have taken long, but you know, I'm at work.

I really need a new phone.

On the 11th day of Christmas......

2007-12-11T12:08:00.000-05:00

.....I will update my blog and go to a Board meeting and have my dad over for pizza.

The tree is up and it is boo-ti-ful! The house is all decorated, 20 Christmas cards went in the mail this morning and I still feel stressed but totally on track. Christmas isn't really stressing me out, just the week I'm going to lose studying for my final exam on 12/19. I get the sample questions tomorrow and take the test seven days later so I can't really do much for/about Christmas until after I ace that sucka. So I'm trying to get as much done as possible now!

So far this Christmas season has been quite lovely. My Christmas spirit meter is full thanks to a wonderful trip to NYC last week with my dad. It was a great day that I won't soon forget - NYC really is Christmas headquarters if you just relax and accept that it's not perfect and don't dwell on the guys that searched your bag when you went into Saint Pat's Cathedral. Just accept the fact that the world has changed and that people stink and just want to make a buck and go ahead and enjoy yourself.

And enjoying yourself is always easier when you're home! Christmas is at our place this year! I feel like applauding even though it really isn't under the best circumstances. But I'm taking advantage of the opportunity and have enjoyed putting together my very first Christmas table. It is going to be so wonderful not having to travel too much. We still do of course, but going to bed in my own home on Christmas is going to be really special.

I see it now - like in A Christmas Story - me and Mike having a drink just relaxing by the tree after everyone's left.

Screw one day at a time!

2007-11-15T10:07:00.000-05:00

So things are finally settling down for a minute. My organization's annual awards gala was last week and a tremendous weight was lifted off my shoulders but I had no time to rejoice since my weekend was insanely, and most unusually, busy (nothing like being in Atlantic City until 2:30 A.M. Saturday morning and being in New York City at 11:00 AM that same morning). But I had a wonderful time and it was well worth the exhaustion!

Then all I could worry about was my World Civ exam which I took last night. So alas, I am free.

Last night after I finally felt free of worry (and watched the Season Premiere of Project Runway which was awesome by the way except where did they find those models!) I realized that it's the middle of November! I am not worried about this at all but Mike and I agreed tonight would be a good night to sit down with a calendar and start planning out the festivities for the next month and a half. Days of work will need taking off, shopping trips involving browsing with hot gingerbread lattes are in order, and our annual trip to Peddlers Village needs planning. I'm going a little crazy this year and proposing to Mike that we also include one Philadelphia holiday day this year which will include a late brunch and shopping and hanging out in the Center City shopping district. There's just something about the city around Christmas time that just makes me all excited and giddy.

The time really is just flying. In order to really make the best of the season, you really must be organized.

So today is a new me. Whew, it felt weird not being able to think more than a day ahead for the past two weeks!

So you know

2007-11-06T14:38:00.001-05:00

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix will be released on DVD in the states December 11.

Wow

2007-10-31T14:55:00.000-04:00

I haven't talked about much news lately and that's basically because I always have two opinions that contradict themselves and I usually just end up ranting. And no one wants to read that.

But I just read an article, titled "Sex Offenders locked down, in the dark for Halloween" that actually made me say out loud, "wow".

To be honest I've never even thought about the increasing danger of sex offenders to children on Halloween and I am very impressed by towns like Anderson, SC who are requiring all their registered sex offenders to report to a specific location for the hours between 5:00 and 10:30 PM. In California, parole officers will be checking registered sex offenders' houses to ensure that there are no decorations on any of the houses, "No Candy" signs posted on the doors and lights out.

I have never heard of anything like this before.

However, it does lead to some questions of course. I do understand that this is a precaution but the evidence shows that once a sex offender, always a sex offender. So if there's a possibility that a child in a costume may be a temptation to someone, then perhaps this person should not be allowed to live among the general public. Just a thought. Because if this is the case, how are these towns protecting their girl and boy scouts or any child for that matter out selling candy for school?

I thought about saying something about well, they did their time so leave them alone blah blah blah, and decided against it. I don't feel the restrictions put upon sex offenders tonight are infringing on their rights at all. They're sex offenders. That's all that needs be said about that.

This article really shows what kind of world we live in. But I'm so happy that people are taking precautions and calling it what it is. I sure as hell rather read about precautionary measures set against sex offenders (a real problem) than all the ways your child will bite into a razor this year.

Happy Halloween

2007-10-31T12:47:00.000-04:00

I thought it might be nice to keep my fingers out of my little cup of roasted pumpkin seeds and wish everyone a Happy Halloween!

Mike carved his pumpkin last night and I roasted the seeds. (A first). October felt like a wonderfully fulfilling, lengthy month just like it should. It may have been the best month of my life so far! And we're looking forward to getting rid of the candy tonight and I guess this weekend the decorations will have to come down. Sigh. It was a great run.

On another note, I've decided not to pursue my Associates Degree from Camden County College before moving on to Rowan. I've done a great deal of research and work and it seems that a good six or seven classes I would need to take to get my Associates from Camden mean absolutely nothing to Rowan. So why take them? I couldn't care less about having another Associates but I just assumed this was the way to go. I called Rowan to confirm and my future advisor reassured me that I was correct - there's no need for the Associates if my intentions are to go get the Bachelor's.

So I can fast track this thing after all. I can't really calculate it yet though because Camden accepted credits from Berkeley that Rowan may not. That's the next step - to find out if Rowan will take credits from Berkeley. If not, I'll have to take the classes at Camden.

Same time next year!

2007-10-22T11:35:00.001-04:00

The party was AWESOME!

Friday night and Saturday was a very fun blur of preparing, chopping, cleaning, setting up, beer shopping, last minute touches, etc. It was all so hectic and then people started showing up and before I knew it, there was a party going on.

Everyone loved the food (and seemed impressed I must say). There was more than enough but everyone just kept taking eating breaks and there was nothing left but a handful of chips and some candy corn by the end of the night.

It really is a blur now - not only had I been drinking all day more or less but I was just so excited at the same time. All my friends were over eating my food wishing Mike a happy birthday and enjoying our home - it really is a great feeling and totally makes you feel "high as hell". LOL

I had a lot of fun with an old friend and made a new one, and strengthened newer friendships with some great people who I was just thrilled to have in my home so I really am just so happy with the way it went but wish it wasn't so much of a blur. But such is life - all the kick ass parts go by way too quick.

So this was our second Halloween type party so I think this will definitely be our annual party and I'm keeping the bratwurst on the menu.

I feel like Sunday never came though - we slept till 1:00 pm on Sunday and I went to bed for the night at 6:00 so I guess that would explain it. 13 hours of sleep and I still feel groggy.

But Mike and I are off tomorrow for his birthday! I'm looking forward to sitting by the fire with him tonight and just cleaning up and relaxing - we can do whatever he wants!

Perhaps there's a link between violence and fugliness

2007-10-19T11:26:00.001-04:00

Here it is folks.

"Philadelphia has the ugliest people in the country, according to Travel & Leisure Magazine.

Of the 25 major American cities ranked by citizen attractiveness, Philadelphia finished dead-last."

Let me tell you something, Philly really does have some damn fugly people come to think of it.

But who comes up with this shit?

Read the full article here, appropriately titled, Hey! We're not just fat - we're ugly too!

Mmmmm, mallow cremes

2007-10-15T12:41:00.001-04:00

Oh, what an awesome weekend we had! I am thrilled to report that annual pumpkin picking day was indeed excellent.

The great thing is that the weekend felt long too kicking Friday night off having drinks with friends.

So I won't bore you with the details, we made all the same stops we've made the past two years and bought some cool stuff including six new cheese at Delicious Orchards. We made it home quite spent and hung out on the couch for a while snacking on the plethora of goodies we picked up including apple cider doughnuts, pistachios, very decent quality mallow cremes, mmmmmm. For dinner we sampled our new cheeses and had some fresh baked semolina bread and olive oil. (Yeah, I'm fasting today)

Oh, and we picked four pumpkins too! We were the first people to get to the farm so the hayride guy dropped us off and left us completely alone in the pumpkin patch. There's something pretty damn cool about being alone in a pumpkin patch especially the kind where you don't see a car, a road, anything but pumpkins, dirt and corn stalks.

It was great! BUT little did I know it was by no means over. Mike woke me up Sunday morning climbing back into bed to inform me he decided to call out of work and spend the day with me. We woke up pretty early and had coffee and got started with some party preparations including yard work, putting out the haystack, pumpkins and scarecrow and doing lots of little things around the house. Then we got to relax and watch football together.

So you may be thinking, "so?" Well, Mike and I haven't spent a consecutive Saturday and Sunday together since last May SO THERE. It was awesome!

AND THE COWBOYS LOST! (insert maniacal laugh here)

I'll see it rise, Mike'll see it set.

2007-10-12T14:44:00.000-04:00

Last night during dinner Mike asked me what I thought about him going to California with his two childhood best friends, Roman and Knarr, and meeting up with his other childhood best friend, Dayv, who lives out in California, so that they could all attend Roman's graduation. Roman lives out here in NJ, but is graduating from an online animation school in California. He thought it would be cool to go to the ceremony and do some networking.

I told Mike he'd be a fool not to go.

For some reason, Mike was surprised by my response.

I explained to Mike that I think it is very important that he travel, and that by going out on this trip, him and his boys are going to make memories that will last a lifetime. I said I hope they plan trips as they all get older too and get married and what not. This is the time to start doing these things. We all work hard - why not be a little spontaneous and play a little too?

So Mike's going to go out to California in January and I'm stoked for him. Knarr's a traveler so all the arrangement making will be in his hands so that's kind of a relief. Mike just has to make sure he gets on planes. Everything else will be taken care of.

As for me, I'm looking forward to eating cereal for dinner every night that he's gone and hearing all the crazy stories I'm sure he'll have when he gets home.

Examination Civilization

2007-10-11T11:19:00.000-04:00

So I took my exam last night and it's a damn good thing I did since I thought my head was going to explode if I didn't get the three pages of memorized text out of it. It all spilled out of me nicely and in order, but damn, did my hand hurt! I haven't handwritten anything lengthier than a post-it note or grocery list in ages. Every few minutes I had to stop and shake out my hand and flex it a bit. It was pretty painful.

I don't know for sure how I did but I think I did fine. I'll let you know in a week or two when I get the exam back. I just feel so much better to be done with it.

What's up with me?

2007-10-09T15:44:00.001-04:00

I have my first exam tomorrow and it's hard as hell. I've been studying my ass off and I'm a nervous wreck. I just want to be done with it. I have to study all night tonight and I'm meeting up with a classmate around 11:00 to compare what we've each come up with.

Next Monday is my first Stats exam but I'm not as nervous about that one. I have all day Sunday to study for that and that's good because nothing's gonna put a damper on ANNUAL PUMPKIN PICKING DAY! I've been hyping this day up since August and it's finally this weekend. Then it's all about getting through the Stats exam Monday and pulling Mike's party together for Saturday. I know it will all come together. I think last year I was way more excited and nervous and neurotic but I think it's just because it was my first party. I know what to expect this year, and well, if there's no more food, you got here too late; have some cheese.

But I'll be super stoked come Friday night when I get to start making the food and Saturday I'll wake up like a crazy person! Those are the good times. I love having people over.

I'll be sure to post lots of pictures!

Title

2007-10-04T13:48:00.000-04:00

Ugh, I feel so gross. I'm having such a gross week. And I'm fairly overwhelmed which just adds to my overall feeling of grossness. I'd like to just watch the Lord of the Rings Trilogy and lay in my bed and nap.

Anyway, mine and Mike's anniversary was very cool. We actually got drunk on Friday night which is pretty rare for us especially since it was just the two of us. But we had fun and met some crazy guy at the second bar we went to and heard all about his affair with his next door neighbor. That's always fun.

So Saturday didn't go as planned. Do any of my plans ever go as planned? We slept late (10:00) and just threw on clothes and headed out to the Farmer's Market and had crepes with apples for breakfast and bought some goodies. We ended up playing follow the yard sale signs on the way home and hit up about a dozen sales. Yard sales are really only good for three things to me: frames, photo albums, and bottles. So I picked up all three along with a much larger caesar salad bowl than the one I have ($2.00!) and Clerks II on DVD. Not a bad take.

The funny thing about the day was that we ate about 5 soft pretzels and some apple cider donuts for lunch and fell asleep for four hours. The house was a disaster and I don't know how it got so bad and it bothered me but after a little concentration on making it not bother me, it didn't anymore. I just went with the proverbial flow.

So dinner was very nice and Mike looked fantastic! I thought I did too which wasn't bad for suffering a hangover and eating several pounds of carbs for lunch, but I guess we clean up pretty nicely. ;-)

Lastly, after Mapquest took us on a RIDICULOUS route threw murderelphia, we got to the Jim Gaffigan show and he was hysterical. Seeing a really good stand-up act makes you realize that you don't laugh enough and how laughing for an hour straight gives you this really great high, makes you feel less tense, and makes you feel more alive.

We had fun. It was cool.

So now it's Thursday and I just want to be done with this work week. Mom's coming over tomorrow and I wish I was in a better mood, but Mike is getting all the Halloween stuff out of the attic tonight so seeing some old friends should help.

There will be a lot of, "Oh, I forgot about this! - I love this thing" and it's fun.