I've been suffering from anxiety the past two days hardcore. My heart races, I'm constantly distracted. I'm fidgety. I accomplish tasks in short bursts followed by longer periods of uselessness. I can't pinpoint exactly what is bothering me. I think it's just a culmination of pent up excitement for what I hope is my imminent engagement, stress over whether or not to join the roller derby team (stupid, right?), school starting up, MONEY, always money, fear of losing said hard earned money in Atlantic City tonight (stupid, right?). We had an infestation of ants this week which required the emptying of an entire cabinet, the washing of all contents, the spraying and killing and searching of ants, then reassembly. Two days later they were back and we repeated the process.
Last night I got home from work and actually fell asleep for two hours. I was spent. I woke up just as it started to get dark and it looked like one of those nice cooler September nights that remind you that fall is coming. Within five minutes of opening my eyes I was on my bike headed for the lake. That really seemed to help.
Mike and I had plans to stay home this weekend but then spontaneity kicked in and alas, my anxiety again. Knarr invited us to A.C. and Mike said no but then he called me to tell me and of course I was willing to find a way to go. Playing cards with Knarr is just too much fun. But I'm also glad I called him because his plan (which he never stated because Mike said no) was to meet us at our house, have dinner and also spend the night. So of course this all works out great because now Mike can see his best friend for a bit even though he has declined the offer to go to A.C. (which makes me feel a lot better).
Mike is not a good card player and has never sat at a table before. He doesn't have a cent to lose and also gets very upset when he does. I am grateful he has given me his blessing to go to A.C. with Knarr while he stays home and works on his car. I don't have to feel bad. As selfish as that sounds.
So I am aware that I'm being kind of silly, but at least I know what's bothering me to a degree. I rather know the stupid reasons than not know at all.
If you hate reality tv, then be sure to watch Reality Bites Back Thursday nights at 10:00 on Comedy Central (I think). What do you get when you put ten professional comedians in a house and people stop being polite? A really fuckin funny show! Check it out. Next week they're competing in the opposite of the Biggest Loser - watch them inhale twinkies and compete to see who gains the most weight. Did I mention the show is hosted by Michael Ian Black?
Sunday we're finally going to see the Dark Knight - can't wait! So I guess I don't have much to worry about - I just need to gather my thoughts. Thanks, Blogger, for letting me get it all out there in a non cohesive staggered way. You're the best!