I awoke this morning with an overwhelming sense of gratitude. Gratitude for the steady rain, gratitude for the eleven hours of sleep I so desperately needed, and gratitude toward the snoozing little black dog pressed against my thigh for letting me have it.
Rainy Sundays are few and far between. They are also one of my favorite things. Blessedly, we have no plans today so therefore no obligation; a full day of anything we please with no pressure to do anything at all. Rainy Sundays induce in me a sense of thoughtfulness and reflection with a hint of creativity. My mind feels peaceful, a feeling I am sad to say is long overdue. I am absolutely relishing in the peace of my mind.
My mom asked me yesterday if our new house felt like home to me yet and I answered her, "no, not yet". I explained I wasn't sleeping well and hadn't settled in to doing all the things I enjoy yet. Ironically of course, this morning I feel more at home. It was nice to wake up to the silence of the house, knowing I could be alone for maybe an hour or two. I cleaned up the last remnants of my parents visit yesterday, made my latte with cinnamon sugar and now here I sit; almost dead center between the two massive windows that overlook our front yard on the left and our back yard on the right. The rain flicks the leaves of our dogwood tree and puddles on our porch. I can do anything I want.
Posted to criscipline.blogspot.com 9:32 am 8/14
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Friday, July 08, 2011
My Gratitude and Farewell to Harry Potter
Thursday evening I will attend my last ever Harry Potter midnight premiere.
That sentence alone leaves me feeling quite sad. Therefore I find it's only appropriate that I add my token of farewell and thanks to the ever-growing list of sentiments, and chronicle my personal story with the boy-wizard who stole my heart and the hearts of so many.
NOTE: Half Blood Prince spoilers ahead. If you've read the book, seen the movie, or don't care, proceed.
Harry Potter and the magical world of J.K. Rowling's creation came into my life late. Three books and one movie were already out. In fact, at first I rejected Harry Potter entirely. A boyfriend and I were very ill and had rented some dvds, including Sorcerer's Stone. I don't know if it was the illness or what, but we turned it off half way through.
Fast forward a year or two and I found myself in a deserted beach town mid-winter with no book. After searching everywhere for an open book store I was forced to concede and pull into a Wal-Mart. The measly half-aisle of selection yielded Romance novels, a few best sellers I had no interest in whatsoever, and Harry Potter. Many, many copies of Harry Potter. Out of a combination of desperation and the desire to keep up with pop culture (the buzz was palpable), I bought my first Harry Potter book.
I was instantly hooked.
The best thing about starting late was that I didn't have to wait for the next two books to be published. I feverishly consumed the first three and watched the two movies that were out, which I adored by the way. And then I waited. (Side note: I had a great fear of flying for a time and was headed out to Seattle. I managed to control my fear by the belief that God would not take me before I found out how Harry Potter ended. I felt strongly about this and took great comfort in it.)
Prisoner of Azkaban (Year 3) was the first movie to come out after I was hooked. My intention was to go to the midnight premiere, and every midnight premiere after that, lamenting the fact that I had missed the first two. I will never forget my first Harry Potter midnight premiere, but not for the reasons you may think.
My boyfriend at the time, whom I was obsessively and madly in love with, dumped me the evening of the premiere. This is entirely true. This break-up took a while, largely on my part (no need to tell this embarrassing tale). Lets just say it was rather late when I finally got the message. As I walked to my car desperately trying to maintain some semblance of dignity, the horrible man asked me if I would be okay and "where are you going"? I wiped my tears, turned toward him and said, "I am going to Harry Potter. I am not letting you ruin this for me." Then I turned and got into my car and drove to the theater for my first premiere. I was immensely proud of myself and grateful to Harry who was able to salve my heartache for several hours.
The fanfare of midnight premieres is great fun. There are costumes, HP theory debates prior to previews, and at the first note of that beloved intro music there is rapturous applause. The movie was brilliant, as Ron would say.
My memory of the book release of Year 4 is fuzzy. However, I recall very clearly marking my calendar for the book release of Year 5 and even getting one of those little widget count down things on my desktop for every movie and book afterward. I planned a personal day for Year 5. It came out in July. Although I lived in Philadelphia I clearly recall purchasing the book the morning after it came out (I had no interest in midnight book premieres) at the Menlo Park Mall Barnes and Noble so that I could immediately go to my favorite beach in Spring Lake, NJ. I made a day of it and it was very special.
By this time my Mom was enjoying Harry Potter too. I was so into it that I actually lamented to her how much I wished I had someone to share theories with. She went out and got the books and started reading them. I had picked her up Year 5 when I got mine. Later that day we went to a nearby dock and read quietly together. Once my Mom got into it I took her to each movie as soon as our schedules would allow once they came out (and always looked forward to experiencing each movie a second time with her).
The movie release for Goblet of Fire (Year 4) is also hazy, which I regret because I was dating my now-husband. I will have to check my ticket stubs to find out if this was his first Harry Potter movie in the theaters. I was still living in Philadelphia and we had a long-distant relationship so this would have been difficult. I know we had watched the first three together when we started dating. In fact, he bought me the third movie as a gift when it came out on DVD. I do clearly remember this. He always supported my love of Harry Potter, which is why we kept dating. ;-)
I am certain, however, that we went to Order of the Phoenix (Year 5) together at midnight. I missed the midnight premiere of Half Blood Prince (Year 6), but this was a very special year nevertheless. Mike, my husband who I was still only dating, and I were on vacation with dear friends and could not find a theater nearby with a midnight showing so everyone agreed to tag along the next afternoon even though most of them had never seen any movies prior to it. We went to the most dilapidated theater I have ever set foot in on the boardwalk in Wildwood, NJ. The arm rests were missing leaving rusted jagged strips of metal and your feet stuck to the floor. I recall my friend Knarr yelling "No horseplay!' at some excited kids running down the center aisle. Rudy faked a sneeze and dumped half his popcorn on Mike's head. We were a motley bunch and I am pretty certain they all tagged along out of kindness and to share in my excitement. Later, Dani confused her summer blockbusters and asked me if Dumblebee was really dead. I am happy to report though that since then Rudy has become a fan.
I was living with Mike when the Half Blood Prince book came out. By this point avoiding spoilers was nearly impossible and took great effort. I somberly cried at the death of beloved Dumbledore, and felt a sense of loneliness and fear. Afterall, who would lead us and give us the secrets of Voldemort's defeat? He was our hope, our light.
I walked into the living room, tears streaming, and asked Mike to hold me. He asked what was wrong. "I can't tell you," I sobbed. I'm pretty sure he laughed at me. He should have thanked me for not ruining the movies for him haha.
I bought the final book with a sense of sadness, knowing it was the end. The story ends magnificently, as I knew it would. The magical world Rowling has created for us lives on in our hearts. But I knew at the time that the real "this is the end" sadness was staved by the fact that there were more movies yet to be released. The news that Deathly Hallows would be split into two movies was ecstatically welcomed as a huge bonus. Part 1 was outstanding (and may very well be my favorite one yet). But now, much like Harry, we are very much coming face to face with the end. This saddens me.
Thankfully, J.K. Rowling in her infinite brilliance and compassion has given her fans Pottermore, e-books which will provide over 18,000 words of additional content including background details and settings. And there is more to look forward to. My best friend, Jess is FINALLY reading the books and we will watch the movies together, beginning with Sorcerer's stone Monday night.
And of course there will be the tremendous joy of visiting the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Orlando, FL. And lets not forget the best thing; sharing this world with my children whom I eagerly await to read to.
J.K. Rowling and all of the actors in the movies brought such joy into my life. If there was no Harry Potter I would not know the difference, I know. But the joy it has brought me is tangible and can be measured. Every single Harry Potter Weekend on ABC Family excites me. That first musical note of John William's brilliant introduction brings a smile to my face. The books, the movies, the hype, the fans - it's all wonderful and so positive.
And best of all, it will live on. Thank you, J.K. Rowling.
Posted to criscipline.blogspot.com 7/8/11
That sentence alone leaves me feeling quite sad. Therefore I find it's only appropriate that I add my token of farewell and thanks to the ever-growing list of sentiments, and chronicle my personal story with the boy-wizard who stole my heart and the hearts of so many.
NOTE: Half Blood Prince spoilers ahead. If you've read the book, seen the movie, or don't care, proceed.
Harry Potter and the magical world of J.K. Rowling's creation came into my life late. Three books and one movie were already out. In fact, at first I rejected Harry Potter entirely. A boyfriend and I were very ill and had rented some dvds, including Sorcerer's Stone. I don't know if it was the illness or what, but we turned it off half way through.
Fast forward a year or two and I found myself in a deserted beach town mid-winter with no book. After searching everywhere for an open book store I was forced to concede and pull into a Wal-Mart. The measly half-aisle of selection yielded Romance novels, a few best sellers I had no interest in whatsoever, and Harry Potter. Many, many copies of Harry Potter. Out of a combination of desperation and the desire to keep up with pop culture (the buzz was palpable), I bought my first Harry Potter book.
I was instantly hooked.
The best thing about starting late was that I didn't have to wait for the next two books to be published. I feverishly consumed the first three and watched the two movies that were out, which I adored by the way. And then I waited. (Side note: I had a great fear of flying for a time and was headed out to Seattle. I managed to control my fear by the belief that God would not take me before I found out how Harry Potter ended. I felt strongly about this and took great comfort in it.)
Prisoner of Azkaban (Year 3) was the first movie to come out after I was hooked. My intention was to go to the midnight premiere, and every midnight premiere after that, lamenting the fact that I had missed the first two. I will never forget my first Harry Potter midnight premiere, but not for the reasons you may think.
My boyfriend at the time, whom I was obsessively and madly in love with, dumped me the evening of the premiere. This is entirely true. This break-up took a while, largely on my part (no need to tell this embarrassing tale). Lets just say it was rather late when I finally got the message. As I walked to my car desperately trying to maintain some semblance of dignity, the horrible man asked me if I would be okay and "where are you going"? I wiped my tears, turned toward him and said, "I am going to Harry Potter. I am not letting you ruin this for me." Then I turned and got into my car and drove to the theater for my first premiere. I was immensely proud of myself and grateful to Harry who was able to salve my heartache for several hours.
The fanfare of midnight premieres is great fun. There are costumes, HP theory debates prior to previews, and at the first note of that beloved intro music there is rapturous applause. The movie was brilliant, as Ron would say.
My memory of the book release of Year 4 is fuzzy. However, I recall very clearly marking my calendar for the book release of Year 5 and even getting one of those little widget count down things on my desktop for every movie and book afterward. I planned a personal day for Year 5. It came out in July. Although I lived in Philadelphia I clearly recall purchasing the book the morning after it came out (I had no interest in midnight book premieres) at the Menlo Park Mall Barnes and Noble so that I could immediately go to my favorite beach in Spring Lake, NJ. I made a day of it and it was very special.
By this time my Mom was enjoying Harry Potter too. I was so into it that I actually lamented to her how much I wished I had someone to share theories with. She went out and got the books and started reading them. I had picked her up Year 5 when I got mine. Later that day we went to a nearby dock and read quietly together. Once my Mom got into it I took her to each movie as soon as our schedules would allow once they came out (and always looked forward to experiencing each movie a second time with her).
The movie release for Goblet of Fire (Year 4) is also hazy, which I regret because I was dating my now-husband. I will have to check my ticket stubs to find out if this was his first Harry Potter movie in the theaters. I was still living in Philadelphia and we had a long-distant relationship so this would have been difficult. I know we had watched the first three together when we started dating. In fact, he bought me the third movie as a gift when it came out on DVD. I do clearly remember this. He always supported my love of Harry Potter, which is why we kept dating. ;-)
I am certain, however, that we went to Order of the Phoenix (Year 5) together at midnight. I missed the midnight premiere of Half Blood Prince (Year 6), but this was a very special year nevertheless. Mike, my husband who I was still only dating, and I were on vacation with dear friends and could not find a theater nearby with a midnight showing so everyone agreed to tag along the next afternoon even though most of them had never seen any movies prior to it. We went to the most dilapidated theater I have ever set foot in on the boardwalk in Wildwood, NJ. The arm rests were missing leaving rusted jagged strips of metal and your feet stuck to the floor. I recall my friend Knarr yelling "No horseplay!' at some excited kids running down the center aisle. Rudy faked a sneeze and dumped half his popcorn on Mike's head. We were a motley bunch and I am pretty certain they all tagged along out of kindness and to share in my excitement. Later, Dani confused her summer blockbusters and asked me if Dumblebee was really dead. I am happy to report though that since then Rudy has become a fan.
I was living with Mike when the Half Blood Prince book came out. By this point avoiding spoilers was nearly impossible and took great effort. I somberly cried at the death of beloved Dumbledore, and felt a sense of loneliness and fear. Afterall, who would lead us and give us the secrets of Voldemort's defeat? He was our hope, our light.
I walked into the living room, tears streaming, and asked Mike to hold me. He asked what was wrong. "I can't tell you," I sobbed. I'm pretty sure he laughed at me. He should have thanked me for not ruining the movies for him haha.
I bought the final book with a sense of sadness, knowing it was the end. The story ends magnificently, as I knew it would. The magical world Rowling has created for us lives on in our hearts. But I knew at the time that the real "this is the end" sadness was staved by the fact that there were more movies yet to be released. The news that Deathly Hallows would be split into two movies was ecstatically welcomed as a huge bonus. Part 1 was outstanding (and may very well be my favorite one yet). But now, much like Harry, we are very much coming face to face with the end. This saddens me.
Thankfully, J.K. Rowling in her infinite brilliance and compassion has given her fans Pottermore, e-books which will provide over 18,000 words of additional content including background details and settings. And there is more to look forward to. My best friend, Jess is FINALLY reading the books and we will watch the movies together, beginning with Sorcerer's stone Monday night.
And of course there will be the tremendous joy of visiting the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Orlando, FL. And lets not forget the best thing; sharing this world with my children whom I eagerly await to read to.
J.K. Rowling and all of the actors in the movies brought such joy into my life. If there was no Harry Potter I would not know the difference, I know. But the joy it has brought me is tangible and can be measured. Every single Harry Potter Weekend on ABC Family excites me. That first musical note of John William's brilliant introduction brings a smile to my face. The books, the movies, the hype, the fans - it's all wonderful and so positive.
And best of all, it will live on. Thank you, J.K. Rowling.
Posted to criscipline.blogspot.com 7/8/11
Monday, April 18, 2011
The Trunk at the Foot of my Bed
At the foot of my bed sits a trunk. It has sat at the foot of my bed, wherever that bed may have been, for the past fourteen years. In this trunk sits my memories.
This past weekend I tackled the arduous task of sorting through my memories. I feared opening that lid would be similar to that of Pandora's box. I worried that lifting the hefty stack of journals strewn across the bottom would result in my sitting back against the trunk, opening, reading, remembering. I envisioned laughing at my 12 year old self and her professions of love to boys I can't place, even after reading my own painstakingly detailed descriptions. I would cry for my fourteen year old self living too far from home in a cold condominium. I would resent my sixteen year old self for her cruelty to her mother. And I would fear for my twenty year old self and what lay before her in the coming year. Lastly, my breath would catch at all the thousands of memories I've since forgotten hidden amongst those pages. And I would inevitably alternate rage with tears.
There was just no need to face any of this. Not now.
So I approached the trunk with ambivalence, but also a sense of purpose. I flipped the pages of a random journal, my foreign handwriting looking insecure, as if it was only whispering its thoughts. I picked up another and read the inside cover and couldn't refrain from whispering a hurtful "fuck you" to the person whose left hand wrote the inscription. My penmanship in this journal was harsh, angry; like the straight edges of the words themselves could cut the reader. I didn't allow my eyes to form sentences, I only flipped the pages. I crossed the room to my end table to pick up my current journal. The hand writing is sloppy, rushed, but purposeful. My handwriting over the years tells a story in itself.
Journals stacked on the side, I lifted my baby blanket and found a large collection of papers sealed with twine in a plastic folder. With a sigh and a smile, I sat. For in that folder were my writings. Stories, poems, letters; it was all in there, even a few drawings. I don't have the heart to get rid of a single yellowed page, even though I understand it's just the musings of a young girl. I like to think one day a child of mine will stumble upon this folder, perhaps in an attic, and will get to see a side of their mother they didn't know.
Also crushed near the bottom was my brother's wide brim Bushmaster hat he gave me a week after my thirteenth birthday. Actually, to say he gave it to me is a lie. He told me I ruined it and should just keep it. You see, I wore it in the pouring rain while sitting on the beach watching he and his friends surf and the brim got all droopy. I wrote a story about that hat and the day for English class. It's in the folder of course with a large "A" adorning the top.
I sorted everything I kept from Mike and spent the most time looking at the letters, cards, ticket stubs, show flyers, as I knew they would bring me no hurt. I sorted notes and cards from my mother into a separate pile as these are equally important artifacts.
I was relieved to see evidence that I undertook this task sometime in the not so distant past as the most difficult sentiments (including those from past loves) were already condensed to a few special items, mainly for the simple sake of remembering. I recall I did this soon after Mike and I became engaged. It was clearly the time to let go so that's what I did.
Other random items include the brown and white plaid apron my childhood self wore as I waitressed my play food, my puffy painted name still intact; my sister-in-law's garter, which I caught the day she and my brother were married; my favorite pocketbook, worn beyond repair, which Mike affectionately referred to as my bag of death; a yellowed album of every card I received for my first birthday, now permanently stuck to its backing. I think of my Mom and how she was once the kind of mother who was organized and made this album. I believe it is the last of its kind.
And the pictures! My God, the pictures: the remnants of my mother and father's wedding album, the plastic sheets slashed by the razor my mom took to its pages. Boxes upon boxes of our childhood photos I believe I may have stole from my mother's basement in an effort to salvage history. All this and more lays within the trunk at the foot of my bed.
Everything is now safely tucked back inside, minus the few collectibles I have decided to sell. I completed the task unscathed, except for the persistent question growing in my mind of why I choose to keep this somewhat random sampling of my life.
I am reminded that the Buddhists believe a truly happy man is a man who can lose every possession, yet still be a happy man. I can part with possessions easily, but I don't view the contents of my trunk as possessions, but strictly memories that happen to exist in tangible form. Memory triggers?
At any rate, the contents of my trunk hold my story. I don't know what is in store for me, but I do not intend to stop valuing my experiences and relationships and therefore, the contents of this trunk which sits at the foot of my bed will grow. I only hope to be well thought of enough when I've gone, that at least one person will not view my trunk as a storage box, but as a treasure chest instead.
Posted to criscipline.blogspot.com 4/18/11
This past weekend I tackled the arduous task of sorting through my memories. I feared opening that lid would be similar to that of Pandora's box. I worried that lifting the hefty stack of journals strewn across the bottom would result in my sitting back against the trunk, opening, reading, remembering. I envisioned laughing at my 12 year old self and her professions of love to boys I can't place, even after reading my own painstakingly detailed descriptions. I would cry for my fourteen year old self living too far from home in a cold condominium. I would resent my sixteen year old self for her cruelty to her mother. And I would fear for my twenty year old self and what lay before her in the coming year. Lastly, my breath would catch at all the thousands of memories I've since forgotten hidden amongst those pages. And I would inevitably alternate rage with tears.
There was just no need to face any of this. Not now.
So I approached the trunk with ambivalence, but also a sense of purpose. I flipped the pages of a random journal, my foreign handwriting looking insecure, as if it was only whispering its thoughts. I picked up another and read the inside cover and couldn't refrain from whispering a hurtful "fuck you" to the person whose left hand wrote the inscription. My penmanship in this journal was harsh, angry; like the straight edges of the words themselves could cut the reader. I didn't allow my eyes to form sentences, I only flipped the pages. I crossed the room to my end table to pick up my current journal. The hand writing is sloppy, rushed, but purposeful. My handwriting over the years tells a story in itself.
Journals stacked on the side, I lifted my baby blanket and found a large collection of papers sealed with twine in a plastic folder. With a sigh and a smile, I sat. For in that folder were my writings. Stories, poems, letters; it was all in there, even a few drawings. I don't have the heart to get rid of a single yellowed page, even though I understand it's just the musings of a young girl. I like to think one day a child of mine will stumble upon this folder, perhaps in an attic, and will get to see a side of their mother they didn't know.
Also crushed near the bottom was my brother's wide brim Bushmaster hat he gave me a week after my thirteenth birthday. Actually, to say he gave it to me is a lie. He told me I ruined it and should just keep it. You see, I wore it in the pouring rain while sitting on the beach watching he and his friends surf and the brim got all droopy. I wrote a story about that hat and the day for English class. It's in the folder of course with a large "A" adorning the top.
I sorted everything I kept from Mike and spent the most time looking at the letters, cards, ticket stubs, show flyers, as I knew they would bring me no hurt. I sorted notes and cards from my mother into a separate pile as these are equally important artifacts.
I was relieved to see evidence that I undertook this task sometime in the not so distant past as the most difficult sentiments (including those from past loves) were already condensed to a few special items, mainly for the simple sake of remembering. I recall I did this soon after Mike and I became engaged. It was clearly the time to let go so that's what I did.
Other random items include the brown and white plaid apron my childhood self wore as I waitressed my play food, my puffy painted name still intact; my sister-in-law's garter, which I caught the day she and my brother were married; my favorite pocketbook, worn beyond repair, which Mike affectionately referred to as my bag of death; a yellowed album of every card I received for my first birthday, now permanently stuck to its backing. I think of my Mom and how she was once the kind of mother who was organized and made this album. I believe it is the last of its kind.
And the pictures! My God, the pictures: the remnants of my mother and father's wedding album, the plastic sheets slashed by the razor my mom took to its pages. Boxes upon boxes of our childhood photos I believe I may have stole from my mother's basement in an effort to salvage history. All this and more lays within the trunk at the foot of my bed.
Everything is now safely tucked back inside, minus the few collectibles I have decided to sell. I completed the task unscathed, except for the persistent question growing in my mind of why I choose to keep this somewhat random sampling of my life.
I am reminded that the Buddhists believe a truly happy man is a man who can lose every possession, yet still be a happy man. I can part with possessions easily, but I don't view the contents of my trunk as possessions, but strictly memories that happen to exist in tangible form. Memory triggers?
At any rate, the contents of my trunk hold my story. I don't know what is in store for me, but I do not intend to stop valuing my experiences and relationships and therefore, the contents of this trunk which sits at the foot of my bed will grow. I only hope to be well thought of enough when I've gone, that at least one person will not view my trunk as a storage box, but as a treasure chest instead.
Posted to criscipline.blogspot.com 4/18/11
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Insomnia at 3:33
In an attempt to stifle my incessant worrying I take to pondering the question of nightmares vs. insomnia. It's been five nights of nightmares now. In one, I lost my brother's dog in a park. But mostly, I just end up without a place to live.
Tonight, sleep won't come for me.
I roll over yet again and the time of 3:33 mocks me. You don't make wishes on obnoxious numbers. My thoughts shift to drink vs. Nyquil? It is Friday. A Friday night in which I was asleep by 10:00 in order to put a period on the end of this day of worrying about where to live. Little did I know that period was an ellipsis. For here I am yet again.
I have decided. Nightmares. Definitely. Because after all, insomnia is a nightmare when you can't escape your thoughts.
Tonight, sleep won't come for me.
I roll over yet again and the time of 3:33 mocks me. You don't make wishes on obnoxious numbers. My thoughts shift to drink vs. Nyquil? It is Friday. A Friday night in which I was asleep by 10:00 in order to put a period on the end of this day of worrying about where to live. Little did I know that period was an ellipsis. For here I am yet again.
I have decided. Nightmares. Definitely. Because after all, insomnia is a nightmare when you can't escape your thoughts.
Friday, January 21, 2011
A Renewed Interest in Words
Two years ago I took a creative writing course hoping it would stir up my latent desire to write. I wanted to be forced to write, figuring it would get me back in the habit of things. I did some writing which I was proud of as a result of the course, but then I stopped again once it ended.
A couple of weeks ago I needed to choose my words quite carefully in a letter. I wrote again, and damn it felt good. Since that day words have been coming to me on my evening walks through deserted fields with my dog, Cooper. I think the quiet darkness is quite conducive to creative thinking. Ideas and words come during the other quiet darkness as well, when I'm just about to doze off. But now instead of silencing those thoughts, I listen, and scribble them in my journal which has resumed its post on my bedside table. In this short span of two weeks I find I've been able to make just a little more sense of things. Writing allows me the chance to reflect just that much more, to grab just a few of the thousands of fleeting thoughts that saunter by on any given day, and to confide in myself my own personal thoughts. Personal writing is mainly what I have been doing so far. I've learned through writing I no longer need to carry with me the thoughts I am hesitant to express verbally or confide in others.
Writing takes time. I love cooking so I make time for it. I don't love exercising, but I know it's important so I make time for it. I will make time for writing now. Because not only do I really enjoy it, but it helps to provide me with mental well being and a positive outlet. When it's time to write and I got nothing, I will spend some time reading my writing books I purchased when I was certain I would be a best selling author (the books are quite dated needless to say).
I cannot say how often I will write in this blog, although I do hope it is a little less sporadic. If my writing remains personal, well then it will remain private. I'm not going into writing this time with an idea or specific goal of writing a book. I'm going into this for the sake of writing this time.
However, you will see I've done a little updating to the design and added labels. I haven't gone back to add labels to every post yet. Damn, I wrote a lot of crap back when I started this thing! It's been both fun and embarrassing reading backwards. I look forward to choosing my words more carefully and honing my craft.
A couple of weeks ago I needed to choose my words quite carefully in a letter. I wrote again, and damn it felt good. Since that day words have been coming to me on my evening walks through deserted fields with my dog, Cooper. I think the quiet darkness is quite conducive to creative thinking. Ideas and words come during the other quiet darkness as well, when I'm just about to doze off. But now instead of silencing those thoughts, I listen, and scribble them in my journal which has resumed its post on my bedside table. In this short span of two weeks I find I've been able to make just a little more sense of things. Writing allows me the chance to reflect just that much more, to grab just a few of the thousands of fleeting thoughts that saunter by on any given day, and to confide in myself my own personal thoughts. Personal writing is mainly what I have been doing so far. I've learned through writing I no longer need to carry with me the thoughts I am hesitant to express verbally or confide in others.
Writing takes time. I love cooking so I make time for it. I don't love exercising, but I know it's important so I make time for it. I will make time for writing now. Because not only do I really enjoy it, but it helps to provide me with mental well being and a positive outlet. When it's time to write and I got nothing, I will spend some time reading my writing books I purchased when I was certain I would be a best selling author (the books are quite dated needless to say).
I cannot say how often I will write in this blog, although I do hope it is a little less sporadic. If my writing remains personal, well then it will remain private. I'm not going into writing this time with an idea or specific goal of writing a book. I'm going into this for the sake of writing this time.
However, you will see I've done a little updating to the design and added labels. I haven't gone back to add labels to every post yet. Damn, I wrote a lot of crap back when I started this thing! It's been both fun and embarrassing reading backwards. I look forward to choosing my words more carefully and honing my craft.
Friday, December 31, 2010
2010 - Year in Review
I just finished reading my 2009 Year in Review and am so glad I started this tradition of annual reflection. 2009 was a really great year and I enjoy being able to revisit it, in my own words.
I love this time of year, which brings about an end but also a new beginning. Often it brings a sense of relief, renewed effort, and big plans. I have big plans for 2011 and lofty goals. But one cannot move forward without first putting to bed the past.
2010 was a challenging year. I can truthfully say I felt great anxiety nearly every day of the year. I woke up January 1 with the usual drive and sense of renewed effort this day typically brings. I hit the ground running full speed ahead making big plans and trying to live healthfully. Unfortunately, none of this was exactly for me, but for my wedding. 2010 will forever be in my mind "2010: The Year of the Wedding". It was the Big Foot of my life, forever in sight, constantly glaring down at me. I worried for ten months straight about everything a wedding makes any bride worry about. It is cliche, but it is very real.
And it overshadowed everything.
However, it was all worth it. Our wedding was perfect. And the ten months of stress and anxiety just melted away, as the sun is melting the snow outside as I type. Looking back, 2010 feels almost like a sacrificial year. I gave a year to something that was important to me; that I wanted done right and on my terms. But now, I'm excited to move forward onto the next big thing (and re-instate Oktoberfest!).
Before I do that though, I want to thank our friends, parents and my brothers and sister-in-law. It is all of you that got us through 2010, and made the wedding so perfect. The wedding may have overshadowed the entire year but all of you made parts of it great fun. The Shower, the dress fitting get-togethers, the casual dinners at our place, the great laughter. Thank you. We love you.
I hope that next year will be "2011: The Year of the Home". Yes, Mike and I are planning to buy a home this Spring. I don't know what to expect. All we can do is educate ourselves and prepare best we can. I'm excited and optimistic and very much looking forward to doing things for us, not for an event. There's a sense of freedom that comes with getting past the wedding. My husband and I are now free to move about. Pun intended.
As I wrap things up, I cannot believe I almost forgot to mention that 2010 was also the year of the dog. I don't know if that's true in a Chinese Zodiac sense, but it was for us. 2010 is the year Cooper came into our lives and we can't imagine life without him. I think I'll go take a nap with him now.
I love this time of year, which brings about an end but also a new beginning. Often it brings a sense of relief, renewed effort, and big plans. I have big plans for 2011 and lofty goals. But one cannot move forward without first putting to bed the past.
2010 was a challenging year. I can truthfully say I felt great anxiety nearly every day of the year. I woke up January 1 with the usual drive and sense of renewed effort this day typically brings. I hit the ground running full speed ahead making big plans and trying to live healthfully. Unfortunately, none of this was exactly for me, but for my wedding. 2010 will forever be in my mind "2010: The Year of the Wedding". It was the Big Foot of my life, forever in sight, constantly glaring down at me. I worried for ten months straight about everything a wedding makes any bride worry about. It is cliche, but it is very real.
And it overshadowed everything.
However, it was all worth it. Our wedding was perfect. And the ten months of stress and anxiety just melted away, as the sun is melting the snow outside as I type. Looking back, 2010 feels almost like a sacrificial year. I gave a year to something that was important to me; that I wanted done right and on my terms. But now, I'm excited to move forward onto the next big thing (and re-instate Oktoberfest!).
Before I do that though, I want to thank our friends, parents and my brothers and sister-in-law. It is all of you that got us through 2010, and made the wedding so perfect. The wedding may have overshadowed the entire year but all of you made parts of it great fun. The Shower, the dress fitting get-togethers, the casual dinners at our place, the great laughter. Thank you. We love you.
I hope that next year will be "2011: The Year of the Home". Yes, Mike and I are planning to buy a home this Spring. I don't know what to expect. All we can do is educate ourselves and prepare best we can. I'm excited and optimistic and very much looking forward to doing things for us, not for an event. There's a sense of freedom that comes with getting past the wedding. My husband and I are now free to move about. Pun intended.
As I wrap things up, I cannot believe I almost forgot to mention that 2010 was also the year of the dog. I don't know if that's true in a Chinese Zodiac sense, but it was for us. 2010 is the year Cooper came into our lives and we can't imagine life without him. I think I'll go take a nap with him now.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Clearing Dust off the Blog - a brief update
Since joining Facebook I find there is little need to update this blog since it's main purpose is to keep distant friends and family updated on comings and goings. However, I thought this would be a good time to blow off the proverbial dust and write some sort of update.
Mike and I had a great vacation with friends in Cape May early July and have gotten all of the drinking, eating and partying out of our system. We returned home and hit the ground running with wedding planning. I've also renewed my weight loss efforts. I've been working hard since February in this area but thought a renewal would be in order, particularly after a gluttonous vacation. I am pleased to report I am off to a great start. I get excited over these efforts because they usually mean I'll be cooking new things and experimenting a bit more and most likely trying a new physical activity. Someone told me they admired my determination this morning, but I had to reply that it's really just intense desperation masked as determination. My wedding dress doesn't fit so do I have much of a choice?
Wedding plans are going very well. I don't recommend a long engagement because it's a very large thing to have hanging over your head and it takes its toll after a while. But we're very much on schedule and the big day will be here before we know it. We just tackle one thing at a time and make one decision at a time while carefully planning ahead. I'm looking forward to the big day and celebrating all of our hard work and careful planning with our family and friends. Now that we're this far along I can finally picture it. I smile when I envision the day. Although I must admit I also smile at the thought of getting on that plane the day after and heading to Aruba because that means we had crossed the finish line and can relax haha. December will be "normal" I hope and then January we will begin the motions for buying our first home, which we hope to move into May/June, 2011.
Obviously, we have a lot to look forward to and lots of "smaller" things in the interim. It's a busy, busy time with lots to do and lots to consider. Life is good right now. And I'm suddenly very glad I decided to write this update because I didn't necessarily feel that way this morning. There's been a lot of anxiety lately relating to a situation with our current apartment coupled with a little bit of family stress. I am now looking at a larger picture and those things suddenly don't seem so bad.
Life is good right now. And I think that's why this blog is called Reflections. Because even if no one reads this, I feel better to have taken a moment to reflect.
Mike and I had a great vacation with friends in Cape May early July and have gotten all of the drinking, eating and partying out of our system. We returned home and hit the ground running with wedding planning. I've also renewed my weight loss efforts. I've been working hard since February in this area but thought a renewal would be in order, particularly after a gluttonous vacation. I am pleased to report I am off to a great start. I get excited over these efforts because they usually mean I'll be cooking new things and experimenting a bit more and most likely trying a new physical activity. Someone told me they admired my determination this morning, but I had to reply that it's really just intense desperation masked as determination. My wedding dress doesn't fit so do I have much of a choice?
Wedding plans are going very well. I don't recommend a long engagement because it's a very large thing to have hanging over your head and it takes its toll after a while. But we're very much on schedule and the big day will be here before we know it. We just tackle one thing at a time and make one decision at a time while carefully planning ahead. I'm looking forward to the big day and celebrating all of our hard work and careful planning with our family and friends. Now that we're this far along I can finally picture it. I smile when I envision the day. Although I must admit I also smile at the thought of getting on that plane the day after and heading to Aruba because that means we had crossed the finish line and can relax haha. December will be "normal" I hope and then January we will begin the motions for buying our first home, which we hope to move into May/June, 2011.
Obviously, we have a lot to look forward to and lots of "smaller" things in the interim. It's a busy, busy time with lots to do and lots to consider. Life is good right now. And I'm suddenly very glad I decided to write this update because I didn't necessarily feel that way this morning. There's been a lot of anxiety lately relating to a situation with our current apartment coupled with a little bit of family stress. I am now looking at a larger picture and those things suddenly don't seem so bad.
Life is good right now. And I think that's why this blog is called Reflections. Because even if no one reads this, I feel better to have taken a moment to reflect.
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
My Bucket List
There’s nothing like a bucket list to help you take stock of what you’ve done (like watch whales in the wild) and what you want to do (like tend to a garden). I’m not surprised to see that the majority of my list resonates with my favorite quote: “Everyone is trying to accomplish something big, not realizing that life is made up of little things.” I encourage everyone to create a bucket list, and reflect on it from time to time and actively pursue crossing some items off. After all, life is short.
Here are sixty things I’d like to do before I die:
1. Make a salad from ingredients picked solely from my own garden
2. Pay for someone else’s groceries and tell them to pay it forward when possible
3. Visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Orlando
4. Take my mom to Disney World
5. Visit Australia
6. Reach my goal weight of 150 pounds
7. Make a perfect soufflé
8. Read/nap in a field of flowers
9. Visit Portland, Oregon (and Voodoo Doughnuts)
10. Learn to knit
11. Take a road trip with Mike in his ’51 Buick
12. Eat wings with Mike in Buffalo, NY
13. Visit Hawaii and rent a surfboard, watch the sun set, watch the surfers at Waimea Bay
14. Help someone achieve an item on their bucket list
15. See the Northern Lights in person
16. Plant a tree and watch it grow as my children do
17. Race in a 5-k four times a year until I die
18. Write a memoir about my mom and have it published
19. Go on a picnic
20. Encourage people to write a bucket list
21. Visit Japan (Buddhist monasteries, see cherry blossoms, Tokyo)
22. Organize a softball game with friends
23. Get my Bachelors degree
24. Spend an entire weekend watching every Harry Potter movie back to back
25. Have a marvelous garden of fruits, flowers and vegetables
26. Climb a tree and read in it
27. Own a hammock. Use it all the time.
28. Learn how to whistle
29. Run on a beach during low tide
30. Read my child/children all the Harry Potter books
31. Stay at the Bed and Breakfast Angels by the Sea, with my mom
32. Teach children about gardening in my own garden, have weekend classes during the spring for neighborhood children and bake with ingredients from the garden. Most importantly, I must wear overalls.
33. Have a compost pile
34. Help to throw my mom a 5-year cancer survivor bash, and ten year, and fifteen year and so on
35. Play with baby monkeys, gorillas, chimps, whatever – preferably in the wild or at a sanctuary
36. Hang out with my brother Doug on a different continent
37. Go on a short vacation all by myself
38. See and feel the Pacific Ocean
39. Learn yoga so that I can practice independently
40. Spend a day in Central Park with Mike reading, talking, picnicing and playing catch
41. Go on a vacation with just my best friend
42. Sit in a tube and float down the DE River
43. Visit China. Eat real Chinese food and visit the Great Wall
44. Adopt a sick or unwanted dog
45. Stop smoking forever
46. Give up my seat more often on the train
47. Close a bar with Mike (like old times)
48. Eat lamb, duck, foie gras
49. Spend time traveling through New England in autumn
50. Visit Salem, MA in October
51. Go on a cruise around Alaska
52. Make love out doors and behind a waterfall
53. Visit Forks, WA and other areas around Olympic Peninsula
54. Run a race with my brother and sister-in-law
55. Collect seashells with a child
56. Wear skinny jeans
57. Get an outrageous 1950’s dress, have my hair and make-up done and have a photo shoot with Mike’s car
58. Own a home
59. See Pearl Jam live
60. Forgive a childhood friend
Here are sixty things I’d like to do before I die:
1. Make a salad from ingredients picked solely from my own garden
2. Pay for someone else’s groceries and tell them to pay it forward when possible
3. Visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Orlando
4. Take my mom to Disney World
5. Visit Australia
6. Reach my goal weight of 150 pounds
7. Make a perfect soufflé
8. Read/nap in a field of flowers
9. Visit Portland, Oregon (and Voodoo Doughnuts)
10. Learn to knit
11. Take a road trip with Mike in his ’51 Buick
12. Eat wings with Mike in Buffalo, NY
13. Visit Hawaii and rent a surfboard, watch the sun set, watch the surfers at Waimea Bay
14. Help someone achieve an item on their bucket list
15. See the Northern Lights in person
16. Plant a tree and watch it grow as my children do
17. Race in a 5-k four times a year until I die
18. Write a memoir about my mom and have it published
19. Go on a picnic
20. Encourage people to write a bucket list
21. Visit Japan (Buddhist monasteries, see cherry blossoms, Tokyo)
22. Organize a softball game with friends
23. Get my Bachelors degree
24. Spend an entire weekend watching every Harry Potter movie back to back
25. Have a marvelous garden of fruits, flowers and vegetables
26. Climb a tree and read in it
27. Own a hammock. Use it all the time.
28. Learn how to whistle
29. Run on a beach during low tide
30. Read my child/children all the Harry Potter books
31. Stay at the Bed and Breakfast Angels by the Sea, with my mom
32. Teach children about gardening in my own garden, have weekend classes during the spring for neighborhood children and bake with ingredients from the garden. Most importantly, I must wear overalls.
33. Have a compost pile
34. Help to throw my mom a 5-year cancer survivor bash, and ten year, and fifteen year and so on
35. Play with baby monkeys, gorillas, chimps, whatever – preferably in the wild or at a sanctuary
36. Hang out with my brother Doug on a different continent
37. Go on a short vacation all by myself
38. See and feel the Pacific Ocean
39. Learn yoga so that I can practice independently
40. Spend a day in Central Park with Mike reading, talking, picnicing and playing catch
41. Go on a vacation with just my best friend
42. Sit in a tube and float down the DE River
43. Visit China. Eat real Chinese food and visit the Great Wall
44. Adopt a sick or unwanted dog
45. Stop smoking forever
46. Give up my seat more often on the train
47. Close a bar with Mike (like old times)
48. Eat lamb, duck, foie gras
49. Spend time traveling through New England in autumn
50. Visit Salem, MA in October
51. Go on a cruise around Alaska
52. Make love out doors and behind a waterfall
53. Visit Forks, WA and other areas around Olympic Peninsula
54. Run a race with my brother and sister-in-law
55. Collect seashells with a child
56. Wear skinny jeans
57. Get an outrageous 1950’s dress, have my hair and make-up done and have a photo shoot with Mike’s car
58. Own a home
59. See Pearl Jam live
60. Forgive a childhood friend
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
My Current Events - an update
So many things are happening that I thought it would be a good time for a general update. I also made my first pot roast and was so proud that I really wanted to share it. You may be thinking, "Pot roast? So what?" Well, pot roast is really out of my element and I found the braising sauce fun and involved. After the roast was finished cooking I thickened the sauce and used my immersion blender to incorporate all the elements and was very proud of the result. Accompaniments were mashed skin-on potatoes, roasted asparagus and pickled red cabbage. The plate was so beautiful that I regret not having taken a photo. But I will leave that up to my favorite cooking blog authors.
I have really gotten into cooking again since the new year. I enjoy cooking immensely but found myself not doing it as often towards the end of 2009. It was a hectic time and I took shortcuts and ate out a lot and gained more weight than I care to confess. With the arrival of 2010 came a whole new approach to cooking. I wanted to try new things and eat more healthily. I am satiated by strong flavor, not quantity, so I continue to seek out new and flavorful ideas. Eating has become more sacred. When I am proud of what I've prepared, I have a tendency to eat more slowly and as a result, much less quantity. I've also found a new tool to assist me in my weight loss which has already shown results. This tool is working parallel with my desire to become a more advanced and experimental home cook. Great food and weight loss: a marriage made in heaven.
I am thrilled to report that wedding plans are on schedule. I know I could not plan this wedding unless I was fond of organization and to-do lists. Meticulous organization is mandatory, I think. Wedding planning is also running parallel with weight loss. There are so many "deadlines" that it is easy to identify mini weight loss goals along the time line. I am trying on a sample dress March 20, taking engagement photos April 25, etc. This is an interesting time in my life. Some times I am able to pause and enjoy the moment but other times I just feel like every single thing I do is simply leading up to one day: the wedding. I don't like that. I don't want to lose nearly all of 2010 to planning. I try to enjoy each day and not look at the big picture, but the small one instead. I want to enjoy this year. Luckily, Mike and I have the most amazing friends and so far wedding planning has been fun and also a breeze (knock on wood) largely in part to our friends.
So back to cooking! (This post is being written over several days hence the jumping.) Tonight on the menu we have a roasted red pepper sauce over pasta and scallops. Today is Wednesday now and I am fine with knowing I will go to the gym, shower, cook something new and different, eat with Mike, then prepare for tomorrow and watch the Olympics. I don't hold myself to very high expectations during the week. (I have since gone to the gym only to realize I had forgotten my gym bag at home, cooked, and eaten. The roasted red pepper pesto was very strong in flavor and delicious. The scallops were cooked nicely, not too long. Dinner was good. Pasta just gets so cold so fast. It is a common complaint of mine.)
So lastly in my little update, I have decided to join a few of my co-workers in this year's Broad Street Run. They asked me, I considered it, and decided, "why not?". Amy, my colleague, has never raced either and we agree there is nothing wrong with starting big. (The Broad Street Run is a 10 mile race with 30,000 participants). I'll have friends with me and this is just another added incentive to help me meet my weight loss goals. The event is 10 weeks out so now is the time to start training. Gulp. My goal is to jog the entire 10 miles. That's it. It will be my biggest accomplishment in my entire life (so far). Success will most likely bring me to tears. It just seems like the right time. Maybe 2010 won't just be the year I got married after all.
I have really gotten into cooking again since the new year. I enjoy cooking immensely but found myself not doing it as often towards the end of 2009. It was a hectic time and I took shortcuts and ate out a lot and gained more weight than I care to confess. With the arrival of 2010 came a whole new approach to cooking. I wanted to try new things and eat more healthily. I am satiated by strong flavor, not quantity, so I continue to seek out new and flavorful ideas. Eating has become more sacred. When I am proud of what I've prepared, I have a tendency to eat more slowly and as a result, much less quantity. I've also found a new tool to assist me in my weight loss which has already shown results. This tool is working parallel with my desire to become a more advanced and experimental home cook. Great food and weight loss: a marriage made in heaven.
I am thrilled to report that wedding plans are on schedule. I know I could not plan this wedding unless I was fond of organization and to-do lists. Meticulous organization is mandatory, I think. Wedding planning is also running parallel with weight loss. There are so many "deadlines" that it is easy to identify mini weight loss goals along the time line. I am trying on a sample dress March 20, taking engagement photos April 25, etc. This is an interesting time in my life. Some times I am able to pause and enjoy the moment but other times I just feel like every single thing I do is simply leading up to one day: the wedding. I don't like that. I don't want to lose nearly all of 2010 to planning. I try to enjoy each day and not look at the big picture, but the small one instead. I want to enjoy this year. Luckily, Mike and I have the most amazing friends and so far wedding planning has been fun and also a breeze (knock on wood) largely in part to our friends.
So back to cooking! (This post is being written over several days hence the jumping.) Tonight on the menu we have a roasted red pepper sauce over pasta and scallops. Today is Wednesday now and I am fine with knowing I will go to the gym, shower, cook something new and different, eat with Mike, then prepare for tomorrow and watch the Olympics. I don't hold myself to very high expectations during the week. (I have since gone to the gym only to realize I had forgotten my gym bag at home, cooked, and eaten. The roasted red pepper pesto was very strong in flavor and delicious. The scallops were cooked nicely, not too long. Dinner was good. Pasta just gets so cold so fast. It is a common complaint of mine.)
So lastly in my little update, I have decided to join a few of my co-workers in this year's Broad Street Run. They asked me, I considered it, and decided, "why not?". Amy, my colleague, has never raced either and we agree there is nothing wrong with starting big. (The Broad Street Run is a 10 mile race with 30,000 participants). I'll have friends with me and this is just another added incentive to help me meet my weight loss goals. The event is 10 weeks out so now is the time to start training. Gulp. My goal is to jog the entire 10 miles. That's it. It will be my biggest accomplishment in my entire life (so far). Success will most likely bring me to tears. It just seems like the right time. Maybe 2010 won't just be the year I got married after all.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
2009 - A reflection
Looking back, 2009 was far busier, fun, eventful and happier than most years in recent memory. Yet at the same time, 2009 was downright difficult. It was a year. I will say that. It started right off the bat with mom's cancer - a terrible blow to the positive feeling new years brings. We struggled with that for ten months. However, simultaneously a new friendship was budding and grew to great heights while mom's cancer shrank to nothing. 2009 will always be the year Mom got cancer, but also the year I found my best friend.
And now I'm eager to leave the bad, grab tight to the good and march into 2010 with optimism and a clear plan. New Years is my most favorite time of the year I think. It's a clean slate - a time of hope and a golden opportunity for change. But before I embrace the new, I'd like to list some highlights of 2009 (in no particular order):
- "On a Boat" Thank you, Andy Samberg for the good times. 'Nuff said.
- Making Thanksgiving dinner with Mom (and not fighting once!).
- Closely watching new relationships form and getting to be a part of it. Seeing two great friends so happy together is awesome.
- July, 2009 Cape May Vacation with great friends. That was quite the hootenanny (to say the least).
- All the laughs, all the fun, all the drama, all the joys of having a best friend.
- May, 2009 trip out to Washington state and the San Juan islands with my brother and friend, Doug. The memory I have of us sitting on the cliffs at Lime Kiln Point watching Orcas in the wild will remain in my mind clear as a photo forever.
- Being tucked in every night for yet another year by my fiancee, my love, Mike - whom I look forward to spending every day of every year with for the rest of my life.
- Mom winning her ten month long fight against cancer. Go, Mom! I pray it doesn't rear its ugly head ever again.
- 4th Annual Oktoberfest party in honor of Mike's 30th Birthday - the best Oktoberfest to date!
- The cruise! That was awesome.
Like I said, it was a great year. Here's to 2010. Cheers!
And now I'm eager to leave the bad, grab tight to the good and march into 2010 with optimism and a clear plan. New Years is my most favorite time of the year I think. It's a clean slate - a time of hope and a golden opportunity for change. But before I embrace the new, I'd like to list some highlights of 2009 (in no particular order):
- "On a Boat" Thank you, Andy Samberg for the good times. 'Nuff said.
- Making Thanksgiving dinner with Mom (and not fighting once!).
- Closely watching new relationships form and getting to be a part of it. Seeing two great friends so happy together is awesome.
- July, 2009 Cape May Vacation with great friends. That was quite the hootenanny (to say the least).
- All the laughs, all the fun, all the drama, all the joys of having a best friend.
- May, 2009 trip out to Washington state and the San Juan islands with my brother and friend, Doug. The memory I have of us sitting on the cliffs at Lime Kiln Point watching Orcas in the wild will remain in my mind clear as a photo forever.
- Being tucked in every night for yet another year by my fiancee, my love, Mike - whom I look forward to spending every day of every year with for the rest of my life.
- Mom winning her ten month long fight against cancer. Go, Mom! I pray it doesn't rear its ugly head ever again.
- 4th Annual Oktoberfest party in honor of Mike's 30th Birthday - the best Oktoberfest to date!
- The cruise! That was awesome.
Like I said, it was a great year. Here's to 2010. Cheers!
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
An End in Sight. Sort of......
So I just found out that if I continue taking two courses a semester and one summer course, I will graduate County College with my second Associates in May, 2011. This is excellent news. And this is going to force me to have the wedding completely ready by the end of the summer so that I can continue with my two courses/semester right through the wedding. Hopefully I'll only miss one class each for the honeymoon.
This also means that I will hopefully start at Rowan in Fall, 2011. But therein lies a little bit of a snag. We're hoping to move in June, 2011 - possibly to Pennsylvania. But alas, I will not let myself get worked up about it now. Instead, I will relish in the fact that I finally have an end in sight. And when people say, "so when do you finish up?" I'll actually have an answer.
This also means that I will hopefully start at Rowan in Fall, 2011. But therein lies a little bit of a snag. We're hoping to move in June, 2011 - possibly to Pennsylvania. But alas, I will not let myself get worked up about it now. Instead, I will relish in the fact that I finally have an end in sight. And when people say, "so when do you finish up?" I'll actually have an answer.
Friday, May 22, 2009
My 26th Year
It's been a while since I've posted, but I thought this would be a perfect time to reflect on my 26th year with my turning 27 in just a few days. This was a big year in a lot of ways, both good and bad. It's the year I ran my first mile for one thing - something I consider a huge accomplishment. It's the year I got engaged - crazy. The year I read the Twilight series and fell in love with Edward Cullen. The year I made a new, and excellent friend, Jessica. But it's also the year the C word entered my life - Cancer.
Overall, it's been a fine year; normal for the most part with the obvious exception of my mom falling victim to Inflammatory Breast Cancer. I tasted new foods, tried loads of new recipes with great thanks to my cousin, Jackie. I read more books, saw more movies. But for the most part everything stayed the same and I take great comfort in that.
But I do feel older. Somehow it seems to me that someone who's 26 can still make mistakes and can still be immature at times because, well, they're still maturing. But 27 sounds so much more adult, like it entails more responsibility and accountability. But I think the cancer has also aged me. I guess you really start growing up the day you're faced head on with the realization that your parents won't be there forever - the day you realize, Oh My God, I've taken my mom for granted the past 25 and a half years! That's the hardest part of growing up in my opinion.
But it's unavoidable of course. So I look to my 27th year with great hope. I hope it will be the year I finally reach my goal weight, the year I run my first 5K, the year I see my Mom become a Survivor, the year I read more books and see more movies. It's going to start out great I know. With friends, a trip to the Olympic Peninsula with my brother Doug, and a vacation with friends in July. Bring it on.
Overall, it's been a fine year; normal for the most part with the obvious exception of my mom falling victim to Inflammatory Breast Cancer. I tasted new foods, tried loads of new recipes with great thanks to my cousin, Jackie. I read more books, saw more movies. But for the most part everything stayed the same and I take great comfort in that.
But I do feel older. Somehow it seems to me that someone who's 26 can still make mistakes and can still be immature at times because, well, they're still maturing. But 27 sounds so much more adult, like it entails more responsibility and accountability. But I think the cancer has also aged me. I guess you really start growing up the day you're faced head on with the realization that your parents won't be there forever - the day you realize, Oh My God, I've taken my mom for granted the past 25 and a half years! That's the hardest part of growing up in my opinion.
But it's unavoidable of course. So I look to my 27th year with great hope. I hope it will be the year I finally reach my goal weight, the year I run my first 5K, the year I see my Mom become a Survivor, the year I read more books and see more movies. It's going to start out great I know. With friends, a trip to the Olympic Peninsula with my brother Doug, and a vacation with friends in July. Bring it on.
Monday, March 09, 2009
A Brief Update
Since my last post, my mother has gotten sick and school really picked up so those are my two excuses.
In a nutshell, my mom was diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer in late January and had a radical mastectomy in early/mid February. She is currently recovering. We just found out on Thursday that there's a little bit of cancer left in only one of her lymph nodes which the doctor seems to think the Chemo will wipe out. She'll be starting chemo within a few weeks I think - she finds out today.
School has been a lot of work. It's not bad at all, but it's a hell of a lot of reading and it took me a few weeks to find my stride. I have not opened a book for leisure since Geisha and I look forward to the end of the semester to read a book for fun, preferably outside.
Other than that, all is well. We had gorgeous weather over the weekend and I really enjoyed it.
In a nutshell, my mom was diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer in late January and had a radical mastectomy in early/mid February. She is currently recovering. We just found out on Thursday that there's a little bit of cancer left in only one of her lymph nodes which the doctor seems to think the Chemo will wipe out. She'll be starting chemo within a few weeks I think - she finds out today.
School has been a lot of work. It's not bad at all, but it's a hell of a lot of reading and it took me a few weeks to find my stride. I have not opened a book for leisure since Geisha and I look forward to the end of the semester to read a book for fun, preferably outside.
Other than that, all is well. We had gorgeous weather over the weekend and I really enjoyed it.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Memoirs of a Geisha
I finished reading Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden last night. I am not going to review it since the novel was written over a decade ago. I'll just say that I loved it and that the story has earned its place in my top ten list of all-time favorite books.
I also enjoyed the connection I felt to my brother Doug while reading the story - being as he is in Japan as I type and as I finished the second half of the book. That I can't explain - but reading about Kyoto and hearing that he planned to visit Kyoto just seemed "neat" to me.
Overall, I tremendously enjoyed reading about Japanese tradition - the tying of Kimono, tea ceremony, the ways in which Japanese men and women communicated and built relationships. This is a subject I'd certainly like to learn a great deal more about.
I found it mildly deflating, however, to hear that the author breached his contract with his main source of information, a Geisha from Gion who broke her code of silence to assist him in his research, and was ultimately sued by her for defamation of character. The terms were that he was not to release her name and to certainly not reveal she had assisted him. Well, he thanked her in the acknowledgments. D'oh!
However, I am pleased that as a result of this lawsuit, Mineko Iwasaki, the Geisha who assisted Golden, decided to write her own memoir, and leave out the fiction that Golden built his story upon. After all, she was already receiving death threats for breaking the code of silence - why not go all out?
So Geisha, a Life is the next book on my list. I am saddened that my reading will come to a crawl now that school has started. So technically the next thing I will be reading is Gilgamesh.
Drinking tea imported from Japan out of my brand new tetsubin, should make that more bearable though. (A Valentine's Day gift from Mike)
I also enjoyed the connection I felt to my brother Doug while reading the story - being as he is in Japan as I type and as I finished the second half of the book. That I can't explain - but reading about Kyoto and hearing that he planned to visit Kyoto just seemed "neat" to me.
Overall, I tremendously enjoyed reading about Japanese tradition - the tying of Kimono, tea ceremony, the ways in which Japanese men and women communicated and built relationships. This is a subject I'd certainly like to learn a great deal more about.
I found it mildly deflating, however, to hear that the author breached his contract with his main source of information, a Geisha from Gion who broke her code of silence to assist him in his research, and was ultimately sued by her for defamation of character. The terms were that he was not to release her name and to certainly not reveal she had assisted him. Well, he thanked her in the acknowledgments. D'oh!
However, I am pleased that as a result of this lawsuit, Mineko Iwasaki, the Geisha who assisted Golden, decided to write her own memoir, and leave out the fiction that Golden built his story upon. After all, she was already receiving death threats for breaking the code of silence - why not go all out?
So Geisha, a Life is the next book on my list. I am saddened that my reading will come to a crawl now that school has started. So technically the next thing I will be reading is Gilgamesh.
Drinking tea imported from Japan out of my brand new tetsubin, should make that more bearable though. (A Valentine's Day gift from Mike)
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Tendonitis
The pain in my arm prevented me from doing much of anything this weekend other than running a few errands, albeit in pain, and laying on the couch or in bed under a heating pad. I finally decided I'd go to the Dr. first thing Monday morning.
The Dr. was almost certain I had severe Tendonitis, but for good measure insisted I go for an ultrasound to rule out the possibility of a blood clot. She gave me a prescription for an anti-inflammatory and sent me on my way. I got the ultrasound which was extremely painful because I had to keep my arm up over my head for an extended period of time and had trouble getting it back down from there. I took my first anti-inflammatory and felt better within the hour. I didn't hear from the Dr. so I can safely assume I don't have a blood clot.
I feel completely back to normal today, but will continue to take the pills until I see the Dr. for a follow-up next Monday. She indicated I can continue going to the gym but that I shouldn't lift weights for a little while. Once I feel better I intend to strengthen my arms which should prevent the Tendonitis from returning.
I really wish I had seen the Dr. a week ago - it would have saved me a lot of pain. But through all that pain, I remained cigarette-free. Today is day ten, people! Boo-yah!
The Dr. was almost certain I had severe Tendonitis, but for good measure insisted I go for an ultrasound to rule out the possibility of a blood clot. She gave me a prescription for an anti-inflammatory and sent me on my way. I got the ultrasound which was extremely painful because I had to keep my arm up over my head for an extended period of time and had trouble getting it back down from there. I took my first anti-inflammatory and felt better within the hour. I didn't hear from the Dr. so I can safely assume I don't have a blood clot.
I feel completely back to normal today, but will continue to take the pills until I see the Dr. for a follow-up next Monday. She indicated I can continue going to the gym but that I shouldn't lift weights for a little while. Once I feel better I intend to strengthen my arms which should prevent the Tendonitis from returning.
I really wish I had seen the Dr. a week ago - it would have saved me a lot of pain. But through all that pain, I remained cigarette-free. Today is day ten, people! Boo-yah!
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
The Hour I First Believed
I finished reading Wally Lamb's new book last night, The Hour I First Believed. I thought the novel was fantastic, right up there with his previous two works, She's Come Undone and I Know This Much is True.
Many people have waited a near decade for Lamb to publish another book and he did not disappoint. He actually took an historically tragic event, the Columbine school shootings, and centered an entire work of fiction around them while also incorporating 9/11, The Iraq War, and Katrina. Not a tragic event, but Barack Obama even makes a cameo appearance. Throughout the novel, evidence of the amount of research Lamb had done becomes clear and explains the lengthy gap between novels. The reader also gets an inside look on what is clearly Lamb's experiences from teaching creative writing to incarcerated women.
In my opinion, Lamb is the master of character development. And I was thrilled that he journeyed back through history several generations to enhance this development similarly to that of which he did in I Know This Much is True. By the way, keep a look-out for cameo appearances from some old friends.
Lastly, Lamb noted in his afterword that one of the reasons for using Columbine and not a fictional school shooting was so that he had a platform to list the names of those who died and were injured in the attacks. It is clear that the tragic event shook Lamb deeply and the book really does resonate as a tribute in a carefully crafted way. I truly enjoyed reading it.
Many people have waited a near decade for Lamb to publish another book and he did not disappoint. He actually took an historically tragic event, the Columbine school shootings, and centered an entire work of fiction around them while also incorporating 9/11, The Iraq War, and Katrina. Not a tragic event, but Barack Obama even makes a cameo appearance. Throughout the novel, evidence of the amount of research Lamb had done becomes clear and explains the lengthy gap between novels. The reader also gets an inside look on what is clearly Lamb's experiences from teaching creative writing to incarcerated women.
In my opinion, Lamb is the master of character development. And I was thrilled that he journeyed back through history several generations to enhance this development similarly to that of which he did in I Know This Much is True. By the way, keep a look-out for cameo appearances from some old friends.
Lastly, Lamb noted in his afterword that one of the reasons for using Columbine and not a fictional school shooting was so that he had a platform to list the names of those who died and were injured in the attacks. It is clear that the tragic event shook Lamb deeply and the book really does resonate as a tribute in a carefully crafted way. I truly enjoyed reading it.
Update
Thanks to everyone who offered up their input and expertise on this half marathon thing. And thanks to my brother Doug for pointing out the obvious that I am not Kenyan and therefore cannot run 10.5 - 11.5 miles/hour and that I clearly meant to say I hope to run 10.5 - 11.5 minute miles.
I'm feeling better. Today is my fifth day cigarette free and I don't feel as ill or temperamental. I'm feeling good.
I'm feeling better. Today is my fifth day cigarette free and I don't feel as ill or temperamental. I'm feeling good.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
The Plan
I'm still really thinking about doing this half marathon May 3. I get bored easily and tend to lose interest in something if there's no carrot at the end of the stick. I developed my own little training plan for the gym and it's been challenging so far and I like it, but today I decided I should check out an actual half-marathon plan written by the pros.
The first I found was way out of my league - and it was for a beginner. Their definition of a beginner was someone who could already easily jog five miles. I cannot do that. So I kept looking and found a plan for a slightly overweight middle-aged mother of two who likes to walk and jog. Bingo! This plan is designed for someone who will eventually run a half-marathon, but averaging between 10.5 and 11.5 miles/hour. And no, that is not walking speed, but jogging speed.
So I checked it out and it makes sense to me. I understand the progression of difficulty and the overall goal. It's a 10-week plan ending with race day so I'd need to start training February 23. So now until then I plan to train for the training plan. I'd like to build up my endurance and start week 1 being able to achieve what is asked of me in week 1. For example, jog 3 ten minute intervals between 10:20 and 11:05 mph with 2 minute breaks in between. I can't do that yet.
The way I've been trying to build up my endurance so far has been increasing my mph by one point every other time I jog and increasing my distance at that pace by .15 miles every time I jog. So I'm increasing my intensity and distance simultaneously. I think that's the way I'll continue until February 23 when I start the real plan.
So far I'm in some sort of pain every night after I jog and sometimes the next day. My sciatica, my ankle, my right arm, my left shoulder. It's been something each time so far. But the pain in the ankles and sciatica has subsided since I started wearing new sneakers. But I'm no spring chicken so I'm gonna give it time - I really think these aches and pains will dwindle along with my weight.
So that's the plan so far. I'm pretty excited. I think 2009 is my year to shine and damnit, I'm going to Washington in June looking good so God help me.
The first I found was way out of my league - and it was for a beginner. Their definition of a beginner was someone who could already easily jog five miles. I cannot do that. So I kept looking and found a plan for a slightly overweight middle-aged mother of two who likes to walk and jog. Bingo! This plan is designed for someone who will eventually run a half-marathon, but averaging between 10.5 and 11.5 miles/hour. And no, that is not walking speed, but jogging speed.
So I checked it out and it makes sense to me. I understand the progression of difficulty and the overall goal. It's a 10-week plan ending with race day so I'd need to start training February 23. So now until then I plan to train for the training plan. I'd like to build up my endurance and start week 1 being able to achieve what is asked of me in week 1. For example, jog 3 ten minute intervals between 10:20 and 11:05 mph with 2 minute breaks in between. I can't do that yet.
The way I've been trying to build up my endurance so far has been increasing my mph by one point every other time I jog and increasing my distance at that pace by .15 miles every time I jog. So I'm increasing my intensity and distance simultaneously. I think that's the way I'll continue until February 23 when I start the real plan.
So far I'm in some sort of pain every night after I jog and sometimes the next day. My sciatica, my ankle, my right arm, my left shoulder. It's been something each time so far. But the pain in the ankles and sciatica has subsided since I started wearing new sneakers. But I'm no spring chicken so I'm gonna give it time - I really think these aches and pains will dwindle along with my weight.
So that's the plan so far. I'm pretty excited. I think 2009 is my year to shine and damnit, I'm going to Washington in June looking good so God help me.
Friday, January 09, 2009
Immediate Update to Previous Post
I set the ball in motion. Mike and I have an appointment on February 8 (Mike said, "when football's over") at the venue we hope will hold our wedding. I found out that to have our wedding there on Saturdays in October, we must have a minimum of 175 people, 100 person minimum on Fridays. I really want my wedding on a Saturday for obvious reasons. In November, however, the minimum for Saturdays is 150. That makes a big difference. So right now we're looking at November 6, 2010. And if the price is right and we love the venue, we'll have the medium/big wedding I guess, trying to keep it as close to 150 people as possible and we can invite up to 175 or so knowing that unfortunately, not everyone will be able to attend.
And yes, I'm a little more excited now. Some of the pressure is off knowing that in order to have my wedding where I want it, it has to be a little on the large side, and having an idea of an actual date is also fairly exciting. Stay tuned.
And yes, I'm a little more excited now. Some of the pressure is off knowing that in order to have my wedding where I want it, it has to be a little on the large side, and having an idea of an actual date is also fairly exciting. Stay tuned.
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