Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Everyone shut the hell up!

I know it's hot out. We're experiencing a heat wave. It's summer and yes, this is Global Warming. That being said, almost every single person I have met while in an elevator today or outside while smoking a cigarette is a friggin idiot and a jackass. Please, for the love of God, rack your brain for an original thought AND STOP COMMENTING ON THE DAMN WEATHER!

If you're hot, put out your cigarette and go inside or stay home. Let freon ring, baby!

I actually don't think I get it. It's hot out yes. Don't go for a run. You'll sweat your ass off but it's good for you so be sure to pull your air conditioned car over and step into your nearest icy refreshing Wawa and grab a couple bottles of water and/or Gatorade (or Powerade if you prefer) and cruise on home and kick on the AC. I know you will so stop friggin complaining. We here in the city walk a lot more than you do and I happen to enjoy the sweat. Standing underground at the train station feeling the sweat pour down my back isn't so great but I must admit, it's refreshing. Be gone, toxins!

But this is Global Warming at its finest thus far and you see, using all that damn electricity to cool yourself down ain't such a good idea. So try to be mindful and try to conserve. Put the AC on energy save mode and set it to medium or 70 degrees instead of 67. Kill the lights. You'll be cooler. If you're in a pool playing, don't spray your friends with the hose. (Hi, downstairs neighbors. That's for you.) Most of all, remember that everyone around you has their AC on too so just friggin kill any electricity you don't need so at least there's enough for all of us and we don't blow a major fuse or anything. Don't be selfish.

I hope Al comments about the weather tonight. He's allowed.

I don't know if a line has formed yet but I do know the signs directing the line are out. Tune in tomorrow for a full report on Al Gore's visit to Philly in a heat wave.

I really do like to sweat. Feels good.


Doug Walsh said...

So... you're saying that you've never had temps in the 90's before? Global warming is not... oh, nevermind. I don't have the energy.

Doug Walsh said...

By the way 78, sunny, and a nice breeze.

The rest of the country laughed when we had 41 straight days of rain in December and January. Payback time, bitches. Enjoy the heat. LOL! :-)

theKirkness said...

its hot here too in the SF Bay Area.

it sucks.

jimbo said...

The Bay Area was HELLA HOT! I have no AC. I sat in front of fans with blocks of ice in front of them.