Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Better now

So I cried for a while last night and then went to bed EXHAUSTED and woke up tired but excited to weigh myself because I knew I lost. I'm fine now. Slept off the emotional mess that was last night's witching hour. Lost 1.8 lbs. this week. I'm pleased with that number considering all the jogging and quitting smoking and insane cravings. I am so excited to hit the gym today again. Now that I can successfully complete an entire 5K without walking for even a second I feel great! My progress was quick. Only right before Christmas had I jogged my first mile and then took a long break for vacation and now I'm jogging all three miles. It's so fun to me now.

I have a head ache and I'm coughing up some sort of downright nastiness from time to time. These gross smoking 'things' just keep encouraging my progress. I told Mike last night that I better not be doing this all for nothing and that I positively CANNOT smoke this weekend. I have a feeling I positively CANNOT consume alcohol then. If I do, Mike is aware that he is not to give me a cigarette. If I drink too much, his refusal to allow me to smoke mixed with my drunkness can get nasty. Yep, no alcohol this weekend.

I guess I may never write part two. I thought I pretty much said what happened anyway. If not, basically, I came out top dog but sweet and nice and sympathetic as always (this was a great act this time arund) and she came out looking pathetic and ashamed and embarassed. She asked me for my number and the only reason I gave it to her is because I know she'll never call. We agreed to try to get her some pot and ended up just getting enough for ourselves and P called her to tell her no dice and that was that.

I feel nothing for her. This is good. At least now I don't wonder. I admit, I've wondered if she ever laid in her bed looking around the room we spent thousands of hours in and wished we were still friends. I've wondered lots of things like that. She only wondered what I was up to I guess because I was the only one she couldn't dig anything up on. She wasn't emotionally overwelmed, she didn't apologize, we both remained at arms length and were polite but never an ounce apologetic or overly friendly. We were aquaintances who know all the same people and who can stand to be in the same room with one another and have hung out on occassion but never had an intimate conversation. That about sums it up. That is what any outsider would have thought.

They would have never even guessed we shared 13 years and EVERYTHING two girls aged 2 through 15 experience.

One more reason I don't think much of my childhood. Pathetic and Ugly have 90% of it.

1 comment:

Neo said...

Crispy -Cheer up buddy. It can't rain all the time, right?

Sorry I didn't get to you earlier, I'm still running to catch up on everything. My job was sooooooooo busy today. Not a typical day. I had to whip out the cape and play superman.

I'm dreading the day I try to quit ciggies again, and reading about your mood swings isn't making me anxious to try anytime soon.

Tell you what, I'll have a beer for ya this weekend, in your honor. :)

Feel better?


- Neo