Monday, September 19, 2005

It seems tonight rambling is my Purpose

I don't think any of us actually know our purpose. I think only very few of us were created to accomplish something or to be less specific, created to serve a purpose. I think it's great when people think they are here to help one another or to be the best person they can be. But lets face it, you don't see many people walking around who think they have a purpose or even pretend to know what it is.

I have no idea what my purpose is, if I even have one. I have goals. Another epidemic in this country, no one here in the United States seems to have much of a point to their existence or purpose. We're too new. We're like little babies without culture or history or pride. We're fat, lazy, pretty dumb all together and we really don't have any culture. (I repeat myself but I think that has a lot to do with everything lacking in our country.)

I've never been outside of the country, not even to Canada. I know there are a lot of lazy fat people in every country (well, not fat in every country) but doesn't it seem like there's wonderful tradition, skill beyond anything an American could even measure, history, culture and beauty in so many other places?

There are some beautiful places here but they're much fewer and farther in between. I'm talking about thousands of miles in all directions without a foot print let alone a hot dog stand. We have some beautiful landscapes but it seems like there's always some white trash family ruining the experience for you or some truck stop or souvenir shop right smack in the middle of your view. I hate it.

My brother sees some amazing views and has been to places almost completely unscathed by man and he didn't ruin it. He belongs in those places because he appreciates them and happens to be into sports where these places can be accessible to him and well, he has a reason to be there.

I always seem to let something ruin beauty for me. But maybe it's because I've never actually seen a real 'view' or a real mountain or waterfall or island sunset. I'm from New Jersey. I live in Philadelphia and there are times I get choked up watching the helicopters (those green leaves that fall slowly and gracefully) fall onto the cobblestone streets in Old City at the start of sundown when the glare seems almost blinding. But then they fall into garbage and there's graffiti'd street signs and a crazy man cussing at the fire hydrant and I just kind of sigh and keep walking.

Where are the ninjas and kung fu masters? The monks and buddhists? The man who moved to Alaska all alone and built a cabin and lived through 45 below winters for 35 years?

I have been so stressed lately. I know when I'm extra stressed because I have this weird disorder that comes out when I am. I do something I've never heard of anyone doing before when stressed and it gives me tremendous agonizing pain and it's really hard to catch myself doing it because it doesn't hurt when I do it. I guess the years of practicing not losing my mind when stressed just all evolved into something else.

My point is, I think we've brought this country to a point of no return. There is no escaping money, bills, marketing, superficial beauty, cheating, consumerism, sin, and so many other evils.

Maybe I am just making excuses but I don't think I could move to Alaska and build a cabin and hunt caribou. I don't think I could ever really be out of debt and not have a single bill and drop off the face of America and move to China to live amongst the Buddhists and monks. I don't think I could go on a pilgrimage to find myself and write about ancient African tribes or study gorillas. I wish I was someone like that. Someone with a purpose.

I hate my cell phone. I can't even turn it off.


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Doug Walsh said...

Ignore the spammers in the previous post -- you can delete their comments permanently. Anyway, as for your comments about hot dog stands and whatnot -- it may seem that way to someone who hasn't been many plances but even with what seems to be totally tourist-trap national parks and whatnot, you'll find that anyone willing to get out of their car and sweat for a few miles will find the thousands of miles of untouched landscape you think don't exist. They're actually everywhere. Well... maybe not on the east coast, but elsewhere? They're everywhere.

Also, as for the US not having any culture. It's true, this is a different country and most are far too US-centric to ever think of visiting elsewhere, let a lone consider the possibility of it being (gasp!) better elsewhere but there is still culture -- it's just different.

Consider this: did the people of Shakespeare's time all visit The Globe because they thought it was "high art" and becaue he was a "legendary classical playwright" or were they just looking to be entertained for a couple hours? Did they perhaps consider Shakespear no different than we consider Spielberg? Or what about Chaucer? Sure, he's a classic now, but back then, is it perhaps he was no more celebrated than Toni Morrison?

I could go on, but you get my point. It's impossible to accurately judge a nation as large as the US or a culture as diverse as the US from your vantage point. Or mine for that matter. We're too young, we're too inexperienced, and while we think we know everything, we know nothing. Remember that.