I really want to be good at something. I'm good at some stuff but not the kinds of things I wake up all thrilled that I'm good at. I don't ever wake up saying to myself, I'm a good girlfriend. Today I'll practice to be even better.
Actually, I just tried to list all the things I'm good at and it was hard. I was no good at it. I'm a good reader. I'm a good listener. I'm a good cook and I'll be a great cook in a place all my own with all my own pots and appliances and gadgets. That I know. (I'm so excited to be a good cook.) I'm not an athlete although I really wish I was. Yesterday I went to a very large sporting goods store and was depressed that I had no reason to be there. I bought Mike his jersey that I owed him from our bet on the Super bowl last year and a lock for my locker at the gym and we walked around. I loved the expensive work out clothes and had no idea how I would actually utilize them to the extent they were created. I loved the warm jackets for hiking and camping and outdoor fall and winter sports. I looked at the giant camping packs and envisioned myself loading them up with what they were intended for.
I want to have something to practice. I'm not complaining that I'm no good at anything. It's all my fault that I never chose anything or stuck with it but mostly I just never thought I had the means for it.
I'm good at working with furniture. I was supposed to take Mike's dresser drawers home this weekend and start them. I really should. I need a hobby. I also need to start practicing writing. I have something very large to write and it's not going to write itself. I imagine life must have much more meaning when you do something that involves practice. Afterall, I truly enjoy cooking and I guess everytime I do that, it's practice.
This is such a lame entry. I just wish I had cool hobbies and I just don't know what I want to be into. There's a million things and they all require some funding. Well, not writing. Maybe that's the answer. I really need to start doing that.