Monday, April 03, 2006

Under my favorite blanket

I do love the rain. You will never hear me complain about the rain unless it's during my vacation or my plans get cancelled because of it. I love the sound. I don't even mind the city traffic under my window very much when it rains. The cars make a long soft louder louder soft gone swoosh sound as they pass.

Ha. I hear sloshing footsteps now and the all too familiar sound of long wet pants dragging against the sidewalk.

I'm very tired and I will go to bed soon. I'm just so happy and so content and I was sitting here a few moments ago wondering about my stresses and worries. I don't have any right now. I usually don't but I will always find something to worry about. Even if it's just worrying way too much over something I don't want to forget tomorrow or worrying about money or something as small as worrying about trying not to spill the coffee cup at the foot of my bed that has a few cold drops left in it.

I accomplished a whole lot of small stuff tonight and those are the good nights. I'm pleased.

I guess I'm just so happy for everyone who has found true love. If you have, then you know all those little things that can be shared with one special person that just seem to make all the difference and make you think, "so this is why I'm here." And a sigh of relief and understanding escapes your lips and you're just so happy and just so content and just so sure of what's going on. I guess I just still can't believe it's happening to me. I really never thought I'd find what I have now. I never ever thought I could ever in a million years have such a wonderful life and such joy.

I thrived off the drama and I fed it and it fed me for so very very long. I thought it was who I am and it just turns out I had no idea who I was. And I'd take this silly boring happy girl over that miserable sad confused girl anyday.

I always thought I'd write about it all and make my story known. The truth is, I'm over it. I don't care anymore. It's mine and mine alone and I remember what I need to remember when necessary.

I better get thinking of something new to write about. I still have to become an author some day. Harder to do when you're not miserable.

2 comments:

theKirkness said...

just when everything is perfect is usually when something really fucked up happens.

you're due. so dont get too comfy. but make sure to enjoy every moment to its fullest.

:)

Criscipline said...

My whole life that has been the case. I said to Mike last night, "I think I'm going to die in a plane crash next month when I go to Seattle." He says the shoe won't drop.

Funny you said what you did. I've actually not enjoyed a lot of great times fearing the shoe will drop. My friend once said I was waiting for the shoe factory to drop even. I'm not going to ruin this by being afraid. I pray nothing happens.