Wednesday, March 01, 2006

This plankton isn't trying to steal the Crabby Patty secret formula

My eyes are tired and my neck is sore. I was near tears with unanswerable questions racing through my head on the way home, but I made it, slid into my night clothes and had dinner.

I feel better now. There's just so much I don't understand and wish was different and I really don't know what I can do but try to be a good person but the truth is, I really just don't like this world.

I don't like all the sarcasm. Why can't we just be honest and considerate. Sarcasm is so ugly to me and I don't take it well. Many a time have I looked naive, overly sensitive, or as so many people say, "awwww, you're so cute when people pick on you." I just sort of look down and say "oh".

I know there is nothing to be done about how far we've come technologically and I guess that's a good thing but I don't like cell phones, I detest text messaging and I would really like a hand written letter sent through the USPS. Can't we still be just a little old school?

I hate traffic and I hate highways. There's a toy that's on display at Kay Bee toys and other places. It's a little truck in a 2x2 box and the box has short sides. The truck drives until it hits a wall, flips over and drives to the other wall, flips over and drives to another wall and so on and so forth. Maybe because I'm from Jersey and live in a city now and haven't been many places but I feel like that little toy truck when it comes to highways. Talking with Frogg last night I said I did not want to move to Cherry Hill because I don't think I'd be able to run very far without hitting a highway. His response, "Yeah, Cherry Hill is huge but all highway."

Where are the little towns with parks and schools and kids playing outside, where is there no traffic? I haven't seen children play outside for some time. Some people say it's not safe. Some say there's too much entertainment indoors with videogames and television. I spent most my childhood outside unless I was inside playing diner or house.

Why do some people still think it's alright to massacre baby seals? Why do I have to pay so much money to park on a street 1.2 miles from where I work? My other option, to walk which I do when it's over 37 degrees, or take public transportation. But why do people think it's ok to yell and curse at a bus stop even when children are only a foot away? And why am I no longer allowed to say, "Excuse me, there are children present," without possibly getting hurt or screamed and cursed at myself?

I just feel so helpless and stressed and unhappy. I feel like a piece of microscoptic plankton in the ocean. I don't want to bring children into this world and I really want to be a mommy. I've said it a million times; I really need to start working on my dreams. I need to get somewhere safer if I'm to be a mommy. I know there's still good places out there. I also know there's still good people. I just wish the news told us about them sometimes. I really think we forget about the good when all we see is bad.


theKirkness said...

you need to go back to the 50's.. ah the simple 1950's when cars were big and mom wore a dress all day.

the only bad thing about the 50's was all the publicy accepted racism.

although i embrace technology, i think our brains were created by aliens and we're too intelligent for this planet. thats why we are destroying it.

Criscipline said...

I agree with you but not about the alien thing. Maybe we are aliens. I'm so behind in this world.

Yeah, if I was back then with what I know now, I wouldn't make it. I could maybe adapt but I'd probably be in jail for being too radical. I couldn't handle the racism. I could handle the sexism though.