My eyes are tired and my neck is sore. I was near tears with unanswerable questions racing through my head on the way home, but I made it, slid into my night clothes and had dinner.
I feel better now. There's just so much I don't understand and wish was different and I really don't know what I can do but try to be a good person but the truth is, I really just don't like this world.
I don't like all the sarcasm. Why can't we just be honest and considerate. Sarcasm is so ugly to me and I don't take it well. Many a time have I looked naive, overly sensitive, or as so many people say, "awwww, you're so cute when people pick on you." I just sort of look down and say "oh".
I know there is nothing to be done about how far we've come technologically and I guess that's a good thing but I don't like cell phones, I detest text messaging and I would really like a hand written letter sent through the USPS. Can't we still be just a little old school?
I hate traffic and I hate highways. There's a toy that's on display at Kay Bee toys and other places. It's a little truck in a 2x2 box and the box has short sides. The truck drives until it hits a wall, flips over and drives to the other wall, flips over and drives to another wall and so on and so forth. Maybe because I'm from Jersey and live in a city now and haven't been many places but I feel like that little toy truck when it comes to highways. Talking with Frogg last night I said I did not want to move to Cherry Hill because I don't think I'd be able to run very far without hitting a highway. His response, "Yeah, Cherry Hill is huge but all highway."
Where are the little towns with parks and schools and kids playing outside, where is there no traffic? I haven't seen children play outside for some time. Some people say it's not safe. Some say there's too much entertainment indoors with videogames and television. I spent most my childhood outside unless I was inside playing diner or house.
Why do some people still think it's alright to massacre baby seals? Why do I have to pay so much money to park on a street 1.2 miles from where I work? My other option, to walk which I do when it's over 37 degrees, or take public transportation. But why do people think it's ok to yell and curse at a bus stop even when children are only a foot away? And why am I no longer allowed to say, "Excuse me, there are children present," without possibly getting hurt or screamed and cursed at myself?
I just feel so helpless and stressed and unhappy. I feel like a piece of microscoptic plankton in the ocean. I don't want to bring children into this world and I really want to be a mommy. I've said it a million times; I really need to start working on my dreams. I need to get somewhere safer if I'm to be a mommy. I know there's still good places out there. I also know there's still good people. I just wish the news told us about them sometimes. I really think we forget about the good when all we see is bad.