Monday, March 27, 2006

Top 4 Jokes

For those of you I have never actually spoken to, my voice may surprise you. I can't describe it. It's my voice. I sound like a child. My nickname is Minnie. I'm 23 years old but telemarketers still ask to speak to my mommy or daddy when I answer a phone. It's ok when I'm angry. My friends are surprised to hear me sound normal when I rant. When I get excited, oh God, just get out of the room. I've been teased my entire life.

Best 4 Jessica's voice bashing jokes to date: (Eh to best)

4. Mike high as hell one night several months ago (Too bad he was serious)

"Um, Jess, your voice sounds like a dentist drill." I was mid-story when he chimed in with that one.

3. Me high as hell several months ago with Randy (Too bad I was serious.)

Randy: "You're awfully quiet when you're high."
Me: "Yeah. When I'm high I can hear the true sound of my own voice."

I didn't mean it to be funny but I thought Randy's heart was going to stop from laughter.

2. Saturday night. Local crew hangout. I stuck my finger in Randy's belly button through his shirt and commented I fingered his hole. He said he fingered my hole the night he slept over a few months ago. (I know. Stupid.)

Me: "I must have had my beer goggles on."
Randy: "I must have had my ear muffs on."

1. Drum role please. Three weeks ago, local crew hangout. I spent the day with Randy while he got inked up and Mike and I were waiting for him at the bar with friends to see how he was feeling. Randy walks in and is there for no more than five seconds.

Tracy: "Hey Randy, did it hurt?"
Randy: "Almost as bad as Jess singing a cappella."

Randy can make that entire bar laugh at my expense. Mike smiles and shoots me a very sympathetic affectionate smile.

What can I say? Everyone loves me.

Here's the asshole, Randy and me on St. Patty's Day. I just successfully chugged my first Irish Car Bomb.

1 comment:

theKirkness said...

i've known a few girls with voices like that. at first your like "what the fuck is up with that voice" then you get used to it.

its cool you can joke about it. you should look into doing voices for cartoons or radio. no, im serious.