Top 4 Jokes

For those of you I have never actually spoken to, my voice may surprise you. I can't describe it. It's my voice. I sound like a child. My nickname is Minnie. I'm 23 years old but telemarketers still ask to speak to my mommy or daddy when I answer a phone. It's ok when I'm angry. My friends are surprised to hear me sound normal when I rant. When I get excited, oh God, just get out of the room. I've been teased my entire life.

Best 4 Jessica's voice bashing jokes to date: (Eh to best)

4. Mike high as hell one night several months ago (Too bad he was serious)

"Um, Jess, your voice sounds like a dentist drill." I was mid-story when he chimed in with that one.

3. Me high as hell several months ago with Randy (Too bad I was serious.)

Randy: "You're awfully quiet when you're high."
Me: "Yeah. When I'm high I can hear the true sound of my own voice."

I didn't mean it to be funny but I thought Randy's heart was going to stop from laughter.

2. Saturday night. Local crew hangout. I stuck my finger in Randy's belly button through his shirt and commented I fingered his hole. He said he fingered my hole the night he slept over a few months ago. (I know. Stupid.)

Me: "I must have had my beer goggles on."
Randy: "I must have had my ear muffs on."

1. Drum role please. Three weeks ago, local crew hangout. I spent the day with Randy while he got inked up and Mike and I were waiting for him at the bar with friends to see how he was feeling. Randy walks in and is there for no more than five seconds.

Tracy: "Hey Randy, did it hurt?"
Randy: "Almost as bad as Jess singing a cappella."

Randy can make that entire bar laugh at my expense. Mike smiles and shoots me a very sympathetic affectionate smile.

What can I say? Everyone loves me.

Here's the asshole, Randy and me on St. Patty's Day. I just successfully chugged my first Irish Car Bomb.